Parenting

Is there a way of preventing this from becoming awkward?

I have a good friend with a daughter the same age as my son. We've traded childcare back and forth for years since they were infants. We don't keep track of hours or keep track of who owes who- we just watch each other's kids as needed when we're available and it all works out just fine. (ie: I've picked up her dd from school several times in the last couple of weeks, she watched my dd for a couple hours yesterday while I went to a CPR class and my kids regularly spend the night with her if dh and I go somewhere overnight.)

Now she needs someone to watch her dd 2-3 days/week over summer vacation and I've agreed to do it. However, since it's so many hours she wants to pay me and I do agree that I probably should get paid something. 

Here's the problem though- if she's suddenly paying me, then it's going to get all weird and complicated when I need her to watch my kids. I don't want it to turn into some sort thing like, "Okay, you watched my dd for 28 hours this week, but then I watched your kids for 2.5 hours when you went to the dentist last Tuesday, so let's deduct that and then..." 

It could just get complicated, you know? And we've both really appreciated knowing that we will mutually help each other out whenever possible. I don't want to mess up a good thing.

What's the best way to approach this that will still be simple and not make it feel like we have to keep track of who owes who exactly so many hours, etc.? Any suggestions?

 

Re: Is there a way of preventing this from becoming awkward?

  • I wouldn't accept money. I would just have her bring over food and/or snacks/milk every week.

    I am going to be watching my niece every day throughout summer. I just asked that her mom bring a loaf of bread, milk and maybe snacks every week. Also, if we go anywhere special, her mom just pays for her daughter's share of what ever we do.

  • That's a tough one!  I say, sit down for coffee and hash out the details.  Bring up a few things like how much notice does she need if you're sick, if she wants you to provide lunch, and how this changes the child care sharing.  I think you'll both be happy in the long run if you figure all that out now. 

    I think that the paid hours should just always be paid hours and shouldn't count toward the shared child care hours. 

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  • imageDandelionMom:

    That's a tough one!  I say, sit down for coffee and hash out the details.  Bring up a few things like how much notice does she need if you're sick, if she wants you to provide lunch, and how this changes the child care sharing.  I think you'll both be happy in the long run if you figure all that out now. 

    I think that the paid hours should just always be paid hours and shouldn't count toward the shared child care hours. 

    I agree with this.  Keep the regular 'daycare' hours absolutely separate from the casual hours that you share back and forth.  But talk it out in detail first.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • I would keep them separate. A consistent 2-3 days a week is something you can take the money for. I'm assuming though she'll still want some help on nights, weekends, or some other time like you've been doing all along. If thats the case, then don't take money for those extra times and then you won't feel guilty using her.  

    Or, if there's a week when you need her to watch your kids for a few hours, just don't take money that week.

  • I think having a set schedule of 2/3 days a week could be kept seperate from the normal watch each others kids when needed.  A set 2/3 days a week is kind of like providing regular daycare so I agree you should be paid for that.  Just talk about it up front there is no confusion later.
  • I  agree with Dandelion.  Sit down and talk it all out so everyone is on the same page.  And, I don't think the paid childcare should count toward any of the trading childcare.  Let her know you are still totally open to watching her child outside of the agreed upon times and that you'd like to feel comfortable continuing to trade. 
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