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TTC after 35
alternating between hopelessness and optimism (long)
in TTC after 35
after seven months of trying, we went to see a specialist. I'm 37.
DH is highly against fertility treatments (including clomid), so we basically are seeing the specialist to see whether there is something medical we can fix. there is no changing DH's mind. a huge condition of trying for a second kid was that we would not do any treatment. I agreed to that condition, never thinking I'd be in this situation. it was so easy the first time around.
anyway, the doc was blunt. he said that after six months of trying (at my age), our chances go way down without treatment. something crazy like 3% each cycle! WTF??? I had a chemical pregnancy last cycle. that combined the fact that we already have a kid are encouraging factors, the doc says, but they don't necessarily improve our odds.
anyway, we're around O time and doing the BD. got a surge last night on OPK. I'm trying to stay optimistic, but it's so hard. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time. It's freaking exhausting. I just wish our odds were better. we're doing all of the testing (including semen analysis) next cycle, assuming I don't get pg this time around.
I know other women on this board have been trying for longer than I have... please tell me how you cope with these feelings! I feel like I'm really going nuts, which is interfering with me being able to appreciate the good things I already do have in my life.
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Re: alternating between hopelessness and optimism (long)
The majority of my friends started TTC in their late 30's none of them had issues getting pregnant but me (yay me!!!
); they were all pregnant within a year. So it makes me question this 3% statistic.
I just m/c again ( two years after my first m/c with no pregnancies in between) and will not be able to TTC again until end of July at the earliest. September it will be 3 years since my husband and I started TTC. I always knew I'd have a hard time getting pregnant but I honestly never thought that it would take this long or that I would have so many disappointments. It's been a long frustrating sad and lonely road made worse by the fact that none of my friends had issues so talking to them about it is hard because it's clear, at times, that they don't get it which makes me feel worse.
For awhile after my first m/c, there were days where I was literally afraid to leave the house because I knew I'd run into a pregnant woman or a woman with a new born. I had to force myself to go out because I knew that I would if I didn't I would go deeper into the funk I was already in. Now I'm less in a funk but I still have those sad days which I think it simply the constant month after month disappointment has numbed me emotionally.
I have no advice for you as to how you deal with it because no matter what you will have days where it doesn't bother you then the next day you will want to scream at the top of your lungs 'WTF!!!!!"
You will have days where hearing about someone's pregnancy won't make you flinch but other days where hearing it makes you want to lock yourself in your bedroom and not come out until you're (literally) an old lady. The worst part is that it's hard to predict what emotion you will feel day in and out. Some times you will go from 'eh whatever my day will come' to 'OMG this is so unfair!?!?!' all within 24 hours.
The only thing that makes a particular off day feel less off is exercise. When I'm having one of those days I will do for a walk and usually feel a lot better.
Thank you both for your kind and understanding responses. I wish us all luck during this difficult, frustrating, maddening time.
By the way, I live/work in a big city and I walk everywhere. and it seems that everywhere I go there are a million pg women. why can't they just leave me alone??? honestly! ;-)
hang in there. since you already have a child and just had a chemical pg it may just be that you are having bad luck.
we first started TTC when I was 31. it took us 6 months to get pg for the 1st time ever - only to have a natural mc at a little over 5 weeks. took us almost a year to get prego again naturally - and yet again another mc at a little over 5 weeks. that entire time i was distraught, stressed, you name it. we started fertility treatments, did two IUIs - had 1 chemical pregnancy. I wanted to fast track a bit so i pushed RE to do IVF - and I got prego with twins - lost one and had DD #1. I was 34 at the time I had her - took us 2 yrs just for me to get pg and carry to term.
We started TTC #2 when DD turned 1 and I was 35. We tried 2 months on our own and then headed back to RE cause I didn't want to waste time knowing our journey the first go around. He did an IVF but it didn't work. The very next month we got pg on our own and i'm due in less than a month!! I never thought that it would happen for us on our own after all we went through the first time, but it does happen.
Sorry this is long, but just wanted to give you hope and let you know that many of us understand what you're going through.
I hear ya! A few months ago when everyone on TV was getting pregnant I was like 'seriously?? I can't escape it while watch my favorite TV show!?!?!?!'
I go to the cemetery where my mom and grandparents are...it's peaceful and the best part NO PREGNANT WOMEN!
That is hilarious!
wow, kinsalebride -- what a story! thanks so much for sharing. there's hope for me yet!
I'm so excited for you!
I just had a chemical too after our second FET. It stinks, no way around it. I agree, the whole world seems pg when you are ttc. I have 2 people at work who are due when I *should* have been, so constant reminder.
I hope it happens for you soon. Hang in there