WWPgALD: Ex-boyfriend Situation
I'll try to make this quick. My ex, Mark, and I dated from when I was a Junior in HS until I was Freshman in college (2001). We broke up on pretty good terms and have been friends ever since. He lives in San Diego so we don't really see each other, except an occasional lunch every 2-3 years. But, we text and email back and forth maybe semi-monthly. My DH has always been a bit suspicious of him (not me) but has never made a fuss about our continued friendship.
On St. Patty's Day, I got a text from him that basically said that he was drunk and had the courage to tell me that he was still in love with me (9 years later!) and that he was happy that I was happy but wished I was happy with him. Sigh.
DH saw the text and said I shouldn't respond. Mark had crossed the line. I agreed and didn't respond.
Fastforward to 4/20. That's Mark's b-day. I always remember this because, well, it's 4/20 (teehee). So, I thought I'd just text him happy b-day. He responded saying we should grab coffee/lunch soon. I didn't respond.
Next day, he texts me "I miss you." I didn't respond and still haven't.
What should I do? I feel like I'm being really mean if I don't respond but I honestly have no idea what I should say.
Re: WWPgALD: Ex-boyfriend Situation
cut.ties. Nothing good AT ALL can come of this.
If the shoe were on the other foot and a woman had professed her love to your husband, would you really want him to try and salvage a platonic friendship? I wouldn't. I would never be able to trust her and I'd give him a serious side eye for continuing a friendship where he knows the person has strong romantic feelings.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
hmmm..that is a tough one.
Personally I wouldn't ignore him. I might call or even text him and let him know that you still want to be friends but his recent actions have made you uncomfortable and you would like to get back to the friendship that you had.
Don't respond. He knows you're married and he's crossing a line, and it's disrespectful to you and your DH.
I had a similar situation with an ex. He'd constantly message me on FB and try and add me as a friend. It really upset me that he had such little respect for my current relationship. Eventually, the messages stopped.
Bloggin' It
But really, how do you un-ring that "i wish I were your husband" bell? I could never get over DH being a friend to someone who wished she was his wife. (does that make sense?)
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
completely this.
This. Even trying to be "friends" now will not work because he clearly wants more. Sorry you're dealing with this though!
I agree 10000%. Being friends with an ex is so not worth making your husband uncomfortable, which is most certainly would be if you continue a relationship with this guy.
I agree 10000%. Being friends with an ex is so not worth making your husband uncomfortable, which is most certainly would be if you continue a relationship with this guy.
This is true. I guess even I (ms. forgetful) wouldn't be able to forget that. I think doing what is best for you and your husbands relationship should be first.
Time to let this relationship go. It will probably be easier if you tell him that you can't speak to him anymore because of his feelings and then don't. Don't respond at all and if necessary change your e-mail and phone number.
I'm sorry this happened, but the only thing to do is to not talk to him anymore.
what she said.
I agree with this. I am all for persueing a platonic friendship with an ex if that is an option, but unless you cut this guy off you are only going to encourage his behavior.
I think you all are right. It sucks though - we already broke up once! I can't believe I have to do again.
I keep hoping he'll just get married or something so that it won't be wierd, but I doubt that will happen any time soon.
So, my next question is - is it more appropriate to just not respond to the texts and any future communication or is it best to write him and email explaining why I can't continue the friendship?
just write a very.short. email. NOTHING that he can read into something along the lines of.
While I have valued our friendship, I have found that I can no longer maintain any kind of relationship with you. Due your comment on "X" day, I am just not comfortable and neither is my husband. I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
never gonna be your wife you numbnut.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
lol!
hehe, I thought you'd like that
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
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My advice: You are capable of having a friend relationship with him but it sounds like he is not capable of having a friend relationship with you without wanting more or getting hurt. Cut off ties. It will hurt but sometimes the band aid needs to be ripped off.
Full disclosure: Yeah, so, back in the day I didn't take my own advice. I was in an eerily similar situation for a long time. Probably longer than I realize. We are still friends, and he is now happily married.
Sounds like you had a lot of great advice. And I hate to say it, you have to cut ties. If it was the other way around, I would not be happy with the situation. I am so glad that you have such a loving and understanding husband.
ps... I miss you! Can I join you someday geesh!