Success after IF
howleyshell
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What goes in the "cons" column from your IF experience?
howleyshell
member
What battle wounds still effect you?
Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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Re: What goes in the "cons" column from your IF experience?
The loss of my twins and our first baby.
I just never thought I would wear the miscarriage survivor hat at 24. And honestly, I don't think I will ever entirely get over my losses - they have been really, really hard on me (and probably in a very unhealthy way).
The ongoing knowledge that my genetics are toast. Not that I think I am so super - but I'll never see myself in another person. That kind of sucks.
Oh, and the fact that if I want to have another baby I'll have to somehow find $40,000 to do it. And rope in another egg donor. Sigh.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
Losing Paige's twin - knowing she could share something with another person that is so unique and rare. It hurts me sometimes knowing that her siblings will have that, and she missed out on it.
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
-The loss of our first baby.
-The $$ spent. Obviously it was completey worth every penny, but I just think how much we would have in savings right now if we wouldn't have had to do 2 IUIs and 2 IVFs. I probably could have taken a year off of work!
-The jealousy I feel towards others who get pregnant so easily. Even after a successful pregnancy, I still feel a little sad when I think, I'll never have that full-on surprise of finding out I'm pregnant that some people get.
-the money -- we spent money we had saved for buying a house. I wouldn't trade Elizabeth for a castle, but the cost of IF still stings.
-the family and friends who just didn't "get" IF or how we could feel pain from others' pregnancies/showers/births/etc.
-the knowledge that if our frozen embroyos don't survive, we likely won't have any other children
That I am a first time mom at 38 rather then 31 or 32 when I ideally would have liked to be.
That my "ideal" number of kids was cut short and I feel the sting every time someone (people who don't know about my IF) tells me how "horrible" it is to just have one baby and I NEED to give him a brother or sister. But I just have to smile and tell them to fvck off in my head because they are too ignorant to get it.
That every milestone DS takes is my first and last... bittersweet.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
30+ lbs of IF weight. (on top of what ever I gain in this pregnancy.) UGG.
The little twinge of bitterness that hits when someone has a woops pregnancy or gets pregnant the first few months. I hate that I feel that way, but I think this will always hurt.
ETA: That, at 38, I'm not sure if I will be able to have more children and I really want to. (It sucks to be thinking about this already when I don't even have my first yet.)
Being an older parent and knowing how old we will be when are kids graduate from HS etc. Even how old our parents will be for these milestones.
Also, the constant worry and fear tick me off each and everyday.
This and how private I had to be about this whole thing for H's sake.
Baby Beau
TTC #1 for 5 years - Many years, many tears 3 Clomid IUIs all BFN IVF#1 w/ ICSI = BFP!!!! Beta #1 - 157 11dp3dt, Beta #2 - 340 13dp3dt
FET for #2 9/1/11 Beta #1 9dp5dt - 153!!! Beta #2 11dp5dt - 426!!!
Psalm 113:9 He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.
- The anger and bitterness. I still have a lot of it. A lot.
- The fact that I could be KU with #2 right now if I were normal.
- I can't relate well to other pregnant women. I'm just in another mental space altogether. I have this attitude that my pregnancy/baby is more special than anyone else's and I feel the need to correct them when they complain and take things for granted. I'm probably annoying to be around.
*The loss of a twin early on in this pregnancy.
*The insane amount of jealousy I had for others who concieved so easily. I hated feeling that way. It's much better now but I think the pain of IF will always be there.
*The hurtful comments from people that did not support the decision we made to go through with IF treatments.
The weight. Not to be vain, but between the lbs from the hormones and the lbs from all the emotional eating, I gained over 50lbs and I know it is not healthy. I really need to work on it. It's not so much about the way I look (although I am not happy with it), it really is about the health.
I am still trying to figure out is this is a pro or a con in the long run, but IF really damaged my relationship with the Catholic Church. I feel so angry about their stance on IVF and reproductive technology. We stopped going to church and will not get Eliza baptized until we sort out our own feelings about Church doctrine on a variety of issues.
The loss of innocence about the whole babymaking process as well as the heightened awareness of all that can go wrong. I feel like I am just now really getting excited and enjoying my pregnancy, even though I still have freakouts.
The loss of my first baby. It still hurts really bad.
The fear that I carry around. I am TERRIFIED of something going wrong with this pregnancy. I think I would die if I lost these babies. I really want to enjoy this special time. I am not going to have any more children so this will be my only pregnancy. This should be a majical time but for me it is filled with terror. I constantly have in mind how far along I am. Every night I fall asleep thinking I made it one more day.
I am so JEALOUS of naive pregnant women who just assume everything will be okay - women who simply POAS and never went through the hell we all went through.
-Losing money in adoption fraud
-having a really bad first ivf experience (no embryos to transfer) it was the lowest point in my life
This, exactly. We want 2 kids (I hated being an only child). I want to do it before 2013 when Obama's $2500 FSA limit kicks in (thanks a lot, Obama)!