S/O to Wasting Time Thread - Difficult Family Members
I started to just reply to the other thread, and realized I was going on a completely different tangent.
On the family members front:
My father is constantly calling me out over FB for not calling him. He will set his status to say something like, "My daughter never calls me. She must not love me at all. After everything I've done. . ." and on and on. He NEVER calls me, just gets annoyed with me for not calling him. And he will do this even if it's only been two days since I called last.
I don't like calling him because he's so negative about everything, and because I HIGHLY disagree with a lot of the things he does (refuses to work, sits around the house all day doing nothing and complaining of boredom, etc) and the things he says (mostly bigotry and closed-minded crap). I feel like it's a waste of time to call and listen to him gripe about my mother (who he divorced five years ago) or spew his bigoted hatred in my ear. Yet, I feel like I can't cut him off completely because he's my dad. Plus, he lives with my grandfather, whom I adore. I know that if I stop talking to my dad, I've made the decision to not talk to Grandpa, either.
How would you handle a situation like this? The Hubby thinks I should stop talking to my dad altogether, and only call to talk to my grandfather, but I don't think it would be that simple.
Re: S/O to Wasting Time Thread - Difficult Family Members
Your father- sounds like my mom ~ who i ALSO have hard time with re: phone issues- <<as she is calling my house right now- WHEN I INSIST on her not calling during G's nap >>
My mom has never had a job- she has been a SAHM since I was born- last kid moved out of their house 2 years ago- she just sits around all day and does nothing. she calls me, callls me, calls me. Sometimes 5x a day. I talk to her ONCE- and let the rest go to the answering machine.
She is negative, bored, never has anything to say- and quite frankly- I AM BUSY with crap up to my eyeballs.
I have told her STRAIGHT UP- if you call from 12-3 (lunch, story time, nap) I simply will NOT pick up the phone. Yet she calls EVERY day during that time- before and after. drives me F'ING bonkers.
I took a break from talking to her about 2 weeks ago- it was beyond stressing me out.
Honestly- if i were you- i would hide his FB status updates- its not worth getting annoyed over- and honestly i would be annoyed- and would need to hide them.
Set boundaries- i never feel guilty with my 1x a day conversation- even though sometimes i let it go every 2 days- 3 if i am in a really bad mood. because she just puts me in a worst mood.
so i say- set your boundaries and follow it-
That's so hard. If I were you, I'd keep contact with your father to a minimum, and not engage in his passive-aggressive behavior. It would be hard for me not to defend myself on Facebook, but really everyone who sees them must be rolling their eyes at that kind of update anyway.
Can you make a regular day/time when you take your grandfather out for a few hours? That way, you'd get to see him but not have to deal with your father.
I'd love to, but they live three hours away.
Thank you both for your suggestions, btw. I hadn't remembered that I could "Hide" his posts on FB.
Sorry you have to deal with this. Here's what I'd do:
- Hide his FB updates. Don't subject yourself to more of his annoyingness than you have to.
- As other poster said, set boundaries about phone and visiting and then stick to them.
It sounds like he is kind of a toxic negative person and you don't need to be around that more than is necessary, even if he is your dad.