Baby Shower Gift for a Teen Mom

cobaltblue

My cousin's 17 year old daughter is expecting a baby girl in July.  I decided to buy her a Moby, Sophie the giraffe, and The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, instead of buying stuff from her registry.  I included a note saying that these are things I wished I'd known about before I had my baby and that I hoped that she and her baby would enjoy them. 

Then I sent her mom a message saying that if she would rather have other stuff, for whatever reason, that she could return them and get the other stuff and I wouldn't have any hard feelings.  I feel good about my purchase and hope that these things will help this young mom get started out on the right foot and develop a great bond with her baby. 

By the way, I was able to get all of this on Amazon.com for just under $70 and with free super saver shipping. 

(Edited to correct:  I realized that I had ordered a Moby blanket and NOT the wrap, so I had to change my order.  It cost a bit more, but it's all good.)

KatieTheMagnificent

hocus:

Call me a cynic but I just don't think most 17 year old mom's are going to be very AP in their approach. 

I think that's a pretty blanket statement.  I'm working with young Mommas right now and you'd be surprised.  With a little bit of guidance you CAN encourage hands-on, attached parenting with a teenager.  Babywearing does not = AP anyway.  Neither does a teether or Dr. Sears.  I think that this is a totally appropriate gift for a mother at any age - the wrap will help her stay mobile with her baby, the teether will definitely be used and the Dr. Sears book can make a good reference for any parent, no matter what their parenting style may be.

blueyez09

I wish i know about that stuff too... I think it's a great gift!

cobaltblue

A lot of people bought stuff for me that wasn't on my registry.  At the time, I thought that was kind of weird, but I ended up appreciating a lot of what they got me.  I would register very differently now, if I had it to do over again.

I don't consider my gift "agenda related."  (I could have been very obnoxious and bought her The Breastfeeding Book, a My Brest Friend, and a Hooter Hider after seeing that her registry suggests that she has no intention of breastfeeding--but I would never do that.)  Sophie is totally neutral and fun.  I think most people would view Moby as neutral, too.  She had a Baby Bjorn on her registry, so I know she's interested in the idea of baby carriers.  The only thing that is arguably pushing an "agenda" is The Baby Book.  I haven't even read it.  I just wish someone had given me that book instead of What to Expect the First Year, which I read. 

I explicitly told her mom that the reason I got these things was because I wished that I had had them.  I also told her that she should feel free to return them if she wanted something else and there would be no hard feelings on my part.  I hardly think that equates to pushing an agenda.

rianals

I think it is an amazing gift.  I have also worked with many young parents.  They have the same love for their babies, but often don't have any idea how to be parents.  However, it is something that so many of them WANT to learn very badly.  A gift that is very hands on, helpful, and practical, with a splash of absolutely adorable, is awesome.

lzybeanie

I think that's a great gift...I wished I knew about the Moby before I had my first one!!! I don't think it's agenda-based at all. Just b/c she has a Moby doesn't mean she needs to wear her baby all.the.time. I'm not AP and I can't wait to use my Moby this time around!!!! And Sophie doesn't send subliminal AP messages to me either. Admittedly I don't know much about the book, but she doesn't have to read it and you clearly stated that she could return it with no hurt feelings at all. You're offering her advice along with some very usefull items. That's all a new mom to be can ask for.

Coming from a non-AP mom (who is curious about the practice) I would not at all be offended by your gifts.

ashleyhuney

hocus:

While I agree the moby and teether are pretty popular regardless of parenting style the Sear book is clearly a loaded gift. I never give parenting books as gifts. I don't judge how people raise their kids and I expect the same in return.

Either way, I still thing buying of the registry is a the to go unless there is nothing on there you can afford to by. There is almost always something I want to give (I like to give practical gifts) of even the most unusual of registries. I've done breast feeding baskets, diaper changing baskets, cloth diapers, car seats etc. None of these reflect my personal agenda and they were all well received.

Now, yes, if she'd gotten her Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting book that would have been too much.  The Baby Book is more of an overview and a great resource.  I actually knew nothing of AP until someone reced that book to me.  I read it, identified with it, and delved further into AP research.  The Moby is fantastic, I wish I had mine before DS was born.  Almost everyone of my friend's love the moby and not a one is AP.  The Sophie is also fantastic and I wish I'd gotten one before teething.

OP, I think you did well.   

jema30

I think it's a great gift.  I love the Baby Book.  It is AP focused but any parenting style can use information from it and I think a 17 year old will likely find it more helpful than the What to expect series.  I'm 30 and found What to Expect too clinical.  I wanted something that was relatable and I'm thinking a 17 year old would need that.  Plus it's good to get now (before the baby!).  I don't have time for reading anymore - . 

Great call on the Sophie and Moby.  She'll need those!  

 

 

flutiefrostie

I think it's a great gift. Yes, the Baby Book is a little slanted, but all books about childcare are. Even if she doesn't agree with everything in it, there's a lot of good, neutral information in there. 

goldenleaves

I loved getting off-registry stuff.

I would've loved to get a baby book other than Babwise! My MIL acts like it's the Bible

All great gifts!

ncbelle

I think that's a nice gift!  And I disagree that it's pushing an AP agenda - the Moby is pretty mainstream and The Baby Book isn't really hard core AP - I think it's a pretty basic baby care book.

And FWIW the majority of the gifts I received were not from my registry - I'm not sure why people get so ticked about someone not buying from the registry.  It's a gift!  If she doesn't like it, she can return it or sell it.

tak2002

I think you did a GREAT job!

I know that I got a bunch of things that were NOT on my registry. As a pp said, at first I was slightly annoyed, but now am extremely grateful!

Army_Wife_04

I think it sounds like a great gift that encourages parent-child bonding, and generally, I feel every mother wants that for their child.  Young mothers sometimes just need the encouragement and the tools to help achieve that bond, whatever parenting style they choose. Also, I received many things at my baby shower that were not on my registry, and I was not at all offended.  Throwing Sophie in the mix is adorable!

nadiarl

Great idea! 

I would have loved these gifts! Someone gave us "The Baby Book" and I refrenced it all the time. I wouldn't have gotten it for myself. 

ArmyBride14

hocus:

ncbelle:

I think that's a nice gift!  And I disagree that it's pushing an AP agenda - the Moby is pretty mainstream and The Baby Book isn't really hard core AP - I think it's a pretty basic baby care book.

And FWIW the majority of the gifts I received were not from my registry - I'm not sure why people get so ticked about someone not buying from the registry.  It's a gift!  If she doesn't like it, she can return it or sell it.

Really you think a book with a first chapter called "Getting Attached What it means" isn't an AP book?

Perhaps I was unlucky but 99% of the off-registry gifts I got were never used and largely unsellable -- random clothing without tags that ended up being off season when they fit, blankets that were too hot or too small (or both). Perhaps I just more jaded but I don't think a gift is awesome just because it is a GIFT and still think giving someone an AP book is a loaded gesture.

Non AP parents aren't attached to their children?  She doesn't have to follow everything Dr Sears says but there is a lot of useful information in that book. She can use what works for her and forget about the rest.  It's not really a big deal.

ctab

hocus:

While I agree the moby and teether are pretty popular regardless of parenting style the Sear book is clearly a loaded gift. I never give parenting books as gifts. I don't judge how people raise their kids and I expect the same in return.

 I disagree.  The Baby Book is a great basic baby manual with medical and development info and some AP related info sprinkled in.  I don't think it is pushy with an agenda, and the directly AP stuff is easy to read past if you aren't interested.  It is a totally different type of book than babywise. 

 

cobaltblue

hocus:

ArmyBride14:

hocus:

ncbelle:

I think that's a nice gift!  And I disagree that it's pushing an AP agenda - the Moby is pretty mainstream and The Baby Book isn't really hard core AP - I think it's a pretty basic baby care book.

And FWIW the majority of the gifts I received were not from my registry - I'm not sure why people get so ticked about someone not buying from the registry.  It's a gift!  If she doesn't like it, she can return it or sell it.

Really you think a book with a first chapter called "Getting Attached What it means" isn't an AP book?

Perhaps I was unlucky but 99% of the off-registry gifts I got were never used and largely unsellable -- random clothing without tags that ended up being off season when they fit, blankets that were too hot or too small (or both). Perhaps I just more jaded but I don't think a gift is awesome just because it is a GIFT and still think giving someone an AP book is a loaded gesture.

Non AP parents aren't attached to their children?  She doesn't have to follow everything Dr Sears says but there is a lot of useful information in that book. She can use what works for her and forget about the rest.  It's not really a big deal.

I am certain parents of all type are connected to their kids. But attachment in this context is a buzz word and core part of a very particular form of parenting. She might end up being very AP, but she might not and I don't think it is anyone place to a priori offer a parenting suggestion. If she had asked that would have been a whole different thing but it doesn't sound like she did. In fact the original poster clearly suspects that these kids aren't what the mom-to-wants and has already hedged her gift with a "I don't mind if you return it" comment.

Like someone else said, any baby care book is based on some belief system.  Before I had a baby, I had no idea what kind of parent I would be and would have welcomed and read any book.  If a particular book didn't resonate with me, I would just shelve it and not hold it against the person who gave it to me. 

I do not have any suspicions that this girl would not like these gifts; if I did, I would not have bought them.  They are just not on her registry, and I wanted to let her know that if she would rather return them and get something on her registry, I won't have any hard feelings.

EcoBaby

That's a great gift! I would have loved it

My friend gave me The Baby Book when DS was a few weeks old. It seriously changed my life. Up until I read that book, I felt like such a horrible failure because I wanted to hold my baby all of the time, we co-slept out of necessity and that book gave me safe sleeping guidelines (I already looked them up online, but the book had even more info), and it talked about a lot of my medical/developmental questions, and addressed everyday info like how to give a bath, etc.

Who cares if its AP-related? I've never found a neutral book. I also think its ridiculous to expect people to only buy off of your registry - surely she'll appreciate the gift and any support you can give her as a mother. Many teen moms don't get a lot of support. And Sophie is not a loaded gift at all. lol

I'm guessing you don't live by her, but maybe send her a link to a video of how to use the moby because I had a hard time figuring it out.

 

Kestrel84

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she probably doesn't even know there are "agendas" to be pushed.  Before I started reading parenting books, I didn't know there even existed different philosophies.  I started reading The Baby Book because I thought it was just a book about babies lol.  If the 17 year old was talking about Ferber and CIO and you sent this book, then it would be completely different.  I think it is a great gift idea! 

lzybeanie

hocus:

Perhaps I was unlucky but 99% of the off-registry gifts I got were never used and largely unsellable -- random clothing without tags that ended up being off season when they fit, blankets that were too hot or too small (or both). Perhaps I just more jaded but I don't think a gift is awesome just because it is a GIFT and still think giving someone an AP book is a loaded gesture.

Not to be snarky,but what new mother doesn't receive random wrong-sized clothing and blankets? I know I did! And I returned what I could, donated what I couldn't. I'm thankful for everything I got - whether on or off the registry. The point is that these are all gifts and most of the time, they aren't given out of malicious intent.  It sounds to me like the OP really is trying to give a new, inexperienced mom a very useful gift. It also sounds like there are books out there that are much more AP-oriented, and if she was truly trying to push an agenda she could have picked something different.

sunnyday016

I think it's a great gift! I'd consider all three of your gifts pretty mainstream.

UrbanHippieMama

Great gifts!!  I just bought a friend The Baby Book, a BaliBaby Stretch, and a bunch of other stuff that was or would have been useful to me when I first had Neriah.  I think those are the best gifts; ones from moms who actually have experience and know what can be helpful.  A 17 year old (or any new mom, really!) wouldn't truly know what to register for.  I think you got an awesome, thoughtful gift!  I'm sure she will really appreciate it.

CalinsBride

I registered for a Bjorn, and my cousin bought me a Moby instead. I will always be grateful to her. At first I was kind of intimidated because I didn't think I'd be able to figure out how to use it, but honestly, the reason why I bonded so totally with Moses in the first month is because of that thing. He took ALL of his naps in there.

cindy453

I think the baby book has an agenda, but so does "What to Expect". Considering that it wasn't the ONLY thing the OP gave, I think it's fine. I wouldn't have cared if somebody came to my shower and only brought "Babywise". I would have smiled, nodded, and ignored it (just like I did with my MILs gift of Dobson books).

I'm loling about the buying off registry issue, because I got ONE item from my registry. And it was from my mom! I know some people on the bump don't even buy baby items until after the shower because they get so much- not in my family. I got some cute clothes, some blankets, and cake. I bought everything myself.

UrbanHippieMama

cindy453:

I'm loling about the buying off registry issue, because I got ONE item from my registry. And it was from my mom! I know some people on the bump don't even buy baby items until after the shower because they get so much- not in my family. I got some cute clothes, some blankets, and cake. I bought everything myself.

Haha... I laughed at that too.  I didn't get anything off my registry!  Not one thing.  All I got were blankets, clothes, and bibs.  Guess what?  I was still grateful, even when the clothes didn't fit in the right season.  It's the thought that counts!