MY new normal. . .what is yours??

Zed58

So I went to Irachelle80's blog and read "My New Normal."  It brought tears to my eyes while bringing me some kind of comfort.  I don't know if it's legal (so if this one is deleted by the mods, so be it), but it got me thinking about my own new "normals."  I'm not trying to add to the original writers' normals, or alter it any way.  It just got me thinking about my own.  That's all...

Normal is driving from point A to point B and not knowing how I got to my destination because my head is so fogged over, I don't even remember the drive.

Normal is looking into the eyes of my two little girls and seeing so much love, so much innocence and so much future.

Normal is wondering if when the look into my eyes they see how much I love them, or if they see the emptiness that fills 1/3 of my heart. 

Normal is sitting on a computer talking with strangers who I feel so unbelievably connected with, when I have a hard time connecting with those close to me.

Normal is wishing with all of my hear that I had had a chance to cradle my baby in my arms, a chance to name him or her, a chance to say goodbye.

Normal is being thankful that I didn't (sorry if that one is hard for those of you with late losses). 

Normal is wondering when this little bump in stomach is going to go away. 

Normal is wondering who the hell I think I am to be grieving so hard when I've been blessed with two healthy little girls, knowing that so many women have been hit with multiple mc's, mc's their first pregnancy, or have suffered late losses.

Normal is being afraid to go to the bathroom because I'm not sure what is going to come out of me.

Normal is waiting impatiently to be able to TTC again, but being afraid to do so....and even worse, "fearing" a BFP.

Normal is my boobs sagging down to my knees.

Normal is wondering if I just cry hard enough and I just don't believe it, will my baby magically reappear back in my belly. 

Normal is HATING that anyone has to go through this, but being thankful I'm not the only one.

 

With that, I ask. . .what is "normal" to you?? 

 

reticent

Thank you for posting this.  I've been having a very rough week.  I don't know if I've found my "normal" yet.  I think it's going to take awhile before I feel like "Ok, so this is who I am now."  I still feel very up and down.

I think for now, this sums up my normal:

Normal is wondering if others can see the sadness or if I'm doing a good job of hiding it.

Normal is feeling guilty for mourning this loss when so many other women experience multiple miscarriages, late miscarriages, or worse.

Normal is still half wondering if maybe, just maybe it wasn't really a miscarriage and the baby is still there.

Normal is crying alone in the shower or late at night after everyone's asleep because I just don't know how much more I can handle.

Normal is wanting to hide in a book, but not having the concentration to accomplish it.

Normal is feeling like I'm "over it" only to have something small remind me that I'm not.

Normal is looking at my son and really understanding just how luck we were to have our first month of ever trying to conceive work out so smoothly and easily. 

Normal is lurking on a pregnancy loss and miscarriage board in order to not feel so alone and being thankful that I have this resource.

Thank you again for posting this.