Attachment Parenting
help me be (slightly) snarky
A girl I was acquaintances with in High School just posted this on her Facebook status:
Children books should never reference mother animals feeding baby animals with their milk - sparked an awfully awkward conversation between me and a 8-year-old this morning.
I'd usually just ignore this kind of comment, especially since I haven't talked to her in 10+ years...but as a mom who nursed 15 months, and a 2nd grade public school teacher, this is just the variety of ignorance that really p*sses me off.
So, help me come up with an intelligent response. (I'd gladly add a dose of snark to the response, too.)
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Re: help me be (slightly) snarky
Ask if instead the book should explain how the mother animal got out it's formula and mixed it in the bottle and then fed it to the baby animal...
Ok I know that would help no one but it was the first thought that came to my head.
No, no! That's kind of what I am looking for! ;-)
I know it's not the nicest thing...but really, how ignorant. What else IS a mother animal supposed to feed her baby??? AAAUGH!!!
Yeah, that just about sums it up... lol
Glad I could help!! And yes completely ignorant!!
Ohhh, I like that!
It wasn't her child...she teaches 2nd grade upstate. She's single and has no kids...
"If it is that awkward, perhaps mother animals just shouldn't feed their babies. Down with nature!! Power to the chemicals!!!!"
Seriously, that disgusts me.
BTW, I grew up in Bucks County and now live in NJ, just south of the city. Where are you from?
Oops...I assumed it was her child.
I am actually not from Philly...I grew up in Northeast PA (where the woman who's "anti-mammal mothers feeding their young" still lives...and sadly, teaches!!) DH and I went to college at St. Joe's and settled down in Wynnewood after we got married. :-)
You realize she's kidding right? Just relaying a funny/awkward story?
I'd leave it alone.
Oh my.
Look, I think her point was she had an awkward conversation with a child who was not in the know about where baby animals get their milk. You may find this sad and pathetic and offensive enough to defriend someone over (Huge eyeroll) but really, she's just saying "well that was awkward."
And you can call stupid and ignorant and selfish and lallalallalala until you are blue in the face but kids are literal and need facts and its hard to provide all those while you're teaching a 2nd grade class full of other children whose parents are going to call the teacher if they come home with this random information (and ohhhh yes ma'am they sure will) And while you can say "a baby gets its milk from mothers breasts." The questions will just get more difficult. "Why? Where? how?" until you're knee deep in discussion about lactation and placenta separation and pumps and "did YOUR babies have boob milk Mrs sampson? do mine have milk ::lifts shirt::?" and yes, YES it is awkward. Impossible? No. but awkward.
Hence her joke. Because it was just that. A joke. I got that.
Ditto this. I HATE those conversations with a passion. I teach elementary ed too and sometimes it gets awkward. Talking about how babies get milk leads to more conversations about babies...and where babies come from. I avoid those conversations like the plague. I'd rather they hear it from their parents.
Yes, I would certainly de-friend someone who isn't actually my friend who was posting status updates that bother me. Not really sure why that bugs you so much. As for the rest of your comments I'm not really sure what you're going on about. Again, if someone who I am not really friends with, posted things that bother me, I would make it so I didn't have to read her updates anymore. Nothing about placentas, nothing about pumping breasts, and certainly nothing for you to take offense to.
ETA I do agree these thing are best left to be familly conversastions and the teacher should have read the book first before sharing with her class.
I just don't get how the conversation could have become awkward for her.
I mean seriously you can't explain breastfeeding to an 8yr old??
What's awkward about it?
"Mum's make milk to feed their babies"
"Where does it come from?"
"It's made in Mum's breasts"
"Can I try some?"
"No Mummy doesn't have any now because her babies have grown older and don't need it"
Or any kind of variation on that theme.
Kid asks a question, answer it for them. There really doesn't have to be a mystery about it.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
See, you think it would be simple like that. But it's not, especially not in a class of 8 year olds. You've got 20 different minds who all think differently and who have seen different things when it comes to breasts.
You will have a child whose mom has BFed a younger sibling and will think it's no big deal. Then you'll have many kids who just think it's another private place and who have no idea what breasts actually do, so no matter how mature you are they giggle. And then, on top of it all, you'll have the kid who blurts out, "My dad has a bunch of pictures of girls breasts under his bed!"
Isn't it just a joke?
It would never occur to me that she was actually serious.
I originally thought the FB poster was talking about her own child. It actually makes more sense when talking about a student.
The thing about kids is they will often not accept your answer as the answer. Most of the time they just want to know more which is not bad, but often makes things quite awkward. Plus then if you explain things the wrong way (according to their parents) you might get a phone call, etc. I can imagine how it could be tricky in a school setting. Teachers have to be SO careful these days.
I've not spent a lot of time with 8 yr olds but Im a high school teacher and 13 yr olds aren't that much more mature. Teenagers ask everything and anything. Likewise I'm dealing with students who have a vast range of knowledge and experiences.
I've been asked to explain heamorrhoids, chlamydia and any other "embarrassing" thing you can think of.
Some kids get a bit shy and embarrassed and giggle. The thing is though, is just to treat it like any other topic.
yes some kids will make inappropriate comments You deal with inappropriateness on a case by case scenario. Because kids make inappropriate comments no matter what the topic. It's part of my job to guide them in what is ok in mixed conversation and what isn't.
At the end of the day though, I'm the adult in the classroom and often kids are asking from a place of genuine curiosity. I could make a topic seem "bad" or "naughty" or I can remove the issue by refusing to feel awkward about it.
If the whole class gets completely distracted and ends in uproar, it's not that hard to reign them back in. That's what being a teacher is.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Anyway her post references "AN 8 yr old". So it sounds like it was a one on one conversation.
I get if it was in a class it being a hassle. But either the kids asked the question randomly, in which case you deal with it like any other topic you prefer not to dicuss with the whole class.
If she was reading the book to the class, however, then that's on her for not preparing properly and reading the book before giving it to the class.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
AWESOME story!!!
FWIW, it doesn't sound like a joke to me...
Addressing a group of 13 year olds about sex ed is entirely different than addressing a group of 7+8 year olds during storytime.
I laugh at the "how hard isissss this attitude." Its not easy for everyone you know. Not everyone can pop up with the perfect answer, especially someone who has never breastfed and doesn't know the ins and outs.
I think defriending someone over something so trivial as a joke showcases a particularly unforgiving part of you. Not one i'd be proud of.
Oh that is a most excellent question.
Which brings me back to, if she read this story to her class and didn't read it herself first, then she can only blame herself for being in a situation that she finds awkward.
I agree that some people find somethings more awkward to talk about but I'm just surprised that a teacher felt so awkward because kids ask and say things at really inappropriate times.
I'm not a sex-ed or health teacher. I'm an English teacher but when that kids says, "Miss what is a heamorrhoid?" and the whole class turns to hear my response, I can get all embarrassed and flustered or I can explain it as I understand it. If I don't know the details then I say, "I don't really know much about it, but we can look it up in the dictionary, or I might have a look on the internet tonight"
Really I just don't get why some people find somethings about the body embarrassing. I do understand not wanting to cross lines in terms of parents, but I would explain breastfeeding to anyone and defend my actions down to the ground.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I think this is a battle of the "i'm a better teacher". No one can be startled, or falter, or hesitate when talking about bodily function. The word 'fart' doesn't cause a giggle because its a simple bodily function that can be explained away gracefully by someone calm cool collected and together.
And it just makes me laugh.
So, this was my day today. The director of the preschool has a baby boy the same age as Emmy. She has a nanny who watches the baby at the school while she works, and she nurses him throughout the day as needed in her office. Today Director's Baby (let's call him E) was in his walker and A (a 4 year old) was feeding him cheerios. She knew she wasn't supposed to be over there, so when I said, "A, what are you doing?" she looked up at me, sighed, and said, "Sorry, I just had to feed E his breastmilk."
I couldn't help but laugh, and then she went around the rest of the day saying, "Would you like some breastmilk? I've got to go feed the baby breastmilk!" yeah, it was awkward.
Hi, this is the OP here. I just wanted to clarify:
1. I did not suggest I ought to "defriend" her. (I "friended" her at her invitation awhile ago.)
2. I do not think I am a better teacher than she is. I imagine she is a fine teacher.
3. I do see how some topics can catch one off-guard. I just don't see how "mammals make milk for their babies" is one of them.
4. In the end, I chose not to comment on her post, but I didn't need to anyway. Another girl I went to HS with did it for me. And she wasn't slightly snarky...she was outright, full-blast snarky. (But then, maybe passive-aggression isn't any better, if I'm going to be honest.)
Anyway, I didn't realize I was going to cause this much discourse. (Could someone post a CIO question? That will shift the focus, right? ;-)
Yeah I'm pretty sure the, "So you think you're a better teacher than everyone else in the world" theme was directed at me.
I really don't think I am. I've done my fair share of crap teaching. I'm just surprised that a teacher is caught off guard by this kind of thing because I get this kind of question all the time.
So I wasn't suggesting I was better than her, more surprised (and possibly envious) that her students seem to know when to keep their mouths shut, to the point where a question on breastfeeding had her off balance.
Anyhow, I think the only correct response to this post is meant to be, "It's ok to think whatever you want to think, and have your own experiences, feelings and responses. We're all different and we're all ok"
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old