RP from Baby Showers - feeling sorry for myself vent

lakesbride

...as I don't really have any female friends near where I live. However my mother-in-law just sent me an email saying two of her best friends have decided to throw me a shower and she would like me to give them a guest list of people I would like to go.

The background...

I moved from the UK to the US a year ago and live out in the countryside - all socialising has been with my husband's friends (ten years older) and my mother-in-law's crowd (significantly older!). So all the women I have met over the past year are very lovely but I haven't really made what I'd call friends.

I basically keep in touch with my 'real' friends in the UK via email, calls and visits every now and then and that's been enough. I work from home and my nearest colleagues who I really like and would have invited to a shower are thousands of miles away spread across the country and the world.

So my problem is I don't really have anyone to invite (and thinking about it makes me a bit sad - reminds me I am so far away from my girl pals)

I know with the baby I will probably make lots of new 'mommy' friends but that doesn't help me right now with my shower issue. 

I can invite some of the wives of my husband's best friends who I have met several times over the last year but I feel a bit awkward about it - "hey, we know each other vaguely - come buy me a gift for my new baby"

It's made me feel a bit isolated and on my own for the first time since I moved here. It's also going to look a bit pathetic to my (very social) mother-in-law.

Any suggestions on how to feel less like a loser! Lol

LyndaCarter

Aw, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. Maybe you could invite the local friends that you do have (no matter the age) and also virtually invite your friends that are long distance. My cousin had a virtual shower because family and friends were spead out everywhere. I would still invite them even if they can't come.

Beaker38

I was also going to suggest the virtual shower idea, I am sure your friends in the UK would love to be a part of it, any way they can!  Another idea is how about a Jack and Jill shower?  Invite men and women.  Mainly, just have it be more of a party, a celebration!!!  I have been to a few like that and they have been a blast!  And when the business of gift opening happens, the men take off to another part of the house while the women oooh and aaaah! 

Also, I have been invited to showers for wives of my DH's friends and I have always gone and always enjoyed it!!  Never once did I just feel like it was a ploy for another gift, I was actually happy that I was included!!  It might open the door to make stronger bonds with these women!!

mom2anangel

I was going to suggest a "couples" or Jack and Jill shower - so that your H can invite his friends too - we are invited to one next month and I think it will be fun. 

Or, could you have a party after the baby arrives to introduce your new little one? 

I have to say that I have been invited to shower for close friends and not so close friends and I have never thought my invitation was a ploy for a gift...I am always honored to be included and especially now that I have my own little one and have had a shower (and debated about who to invite, etc) I can appreciate the work that goes into the whole shower.

I also agree with the virtual shower - my cousin in Cali did that - but it was a little different - all our family and friends are here in MI so we all got together and video taped it (this was several years ago before we could have done it via internet) and then all the gifts were sent to her with the video (each guest opened their own gift and said something to her).  I want to bet that she still cherishes that video! 

And I think you should still invite guests even if you *know* they can't come...some may surprise you!! 

Don't feel like a loser - I think you get to an age where your friendships change - you move, people change, they have kids and you do not, or you have kids and they do not...you get married, they do not, etc.  You will meet new mommy friends when your baby arrives and then when they start school you will meet other friends.  I suggest the website meetup.com to find some local groups, maybe you can find some play groups that way or groups where people have common interests. 

My MIL is very social too so I understand what you are saying...but you can't have that group as your only friend source   LOL! 

suzshack

Just chiming in to say don't feel bad about your girl friends not being nearby.  They're still great friends, regardless of where they are.

I actually have more guy friends than gals, and I work in a job field that's predominantly men.  So my husband's best friend & one of my co-workers (2 guys) threw my DH & I a couples shower, and it was really nice.  We invited DH's close friends & spouses, as well as some of my close co-workers.  If I had limited my guest list to just women, there probably would not have been a shower at all  (most of my long-time women friends live in different parts of the country).

And I can completely relate to not wanting to invite people you aren't that close to because of worrying that it feels like just asking for a gift.  So there are several acquaintances that I did not invite, for that reason, and I feel comfortable with that decision.  

Do what feels right for you, and remember, people are happy for you.

Wishing you all the best! 

 

mhazel1204

Beaker38:

Another idea is how about a Jack and Jill shower?  Invite men and women.  Mainly, just have it be more of a party, a celebration!!!  I have been to a few like that and they have been a blast!  And when the business of gift opening happens, the men take off to another part of the house while the women oooh and aaaah! 

Also, I have been invited to showers for wives of my DH's friends and I have always gone and always enjoyed it!!  Never once did I just feel like it was a ploy for another gift, I was actually happy that I was included!!  It might open the door to make stronger bonds with these women!!

This!

Mrs. KG

Beaker38:

I was also going to suggest the virtual shower idea, I am sure your friends in the UK would love to be a part of it, any way they can!  Another idea is how about a Jack and Jill shower?  Invite men and women.  Mainly, just have it be more of a party, a celebration!!!  I have been to a few like that and they have been a blast!  And when the business of gift opening happens, the men take off to another part of the house while the women oooh and aaaah! 

Also, I have been invited to showers for wives of my DH's friends and I have always gone and always enjoyed it!!  Never once did I just feel like it was a ploy for another gift, I was actually happy that I was included!!  It might open the door to make stronger bonds with these women!!

I also agree with this poster's comment about inviting DH's friend's wives!

mlkwmu

I'm thinking a couple shower too.. this way you wouldn't feel awkward with just inviting the wives of your husbands friends.  Maybe have a B-Que something less formal.  Just a thought.