Feeling sorry for my toddler

BizEB

I have been feeling so sorry for my son lately.  I just feel like his whole world is going to be turned upside down in a few months and he has no idea.  I feel like he will get less attention from DH and I by necessity and by family and friends who are focused on the twins. 

I know that long-term he will probably love having his sister and brother but I can't help but think that he won't know why things have changed and that he might even feel neglected or unloved in the nearer term. 

Temp6313048411121614

This was my exact post when I was pg.  I remember crying by his crib towards the end.  We were very fortunate, DS1 showed no jealousy, no acting out, he's been the best big brother ever. 

MrsAmyB

How this will effect my DD is my #1 concern.  We are doing so many things to try to minimize the negative impact on her.  DH and DD are starting a garden this year (already started).  Its their project together.  DH is actually excited that she may finally become a daddy's girl.  We call the babies "your babies" when talking to her.  She calls them "my babies".  Our rule with visitors is that no one is to tell her what she can/cannot do or touch.  That is my job and DH's job.  We aren't going to stop her from touching bottles, binkies, blankies, etc.  She can't harm them.  I can see others saying "Oooh!  Don't touch *this or that*!"  Its our place and the babies belong to the three of us.  We ask for her imput in names, crib placement, outfits, etc, etc.  Not that she is the decision maker, but she thinks she is.  We have plans for mommy time and daddy time with just her.  She feels my belly and kisses it all the time while talking to them.  I'm excited to include her as much as she wants, but realize that she is going to want non-baby interaction as well. 

I think feeling sorry for your toddler gives you and him an advantage; you recognize that this isn't going to be easy on him and you can find ways to help him out.  You are one step ahead!

ahava2005

This.

 My son was 2 when my girls were born.  We have had NO problems at all.  He adores his sisters:  tries to help feed them, burp them, wants to hold them, etc.  No problems with jealousy at all, and now I get to see a whole new side of him.  He's experiencing something completely different and getting new opportunities...to be a sibling.  Its a good thing.  He'll grow up being a wonderful big brother and it is so great to watch him do that.

Instead of feeling sorry for him, feel excited for him:  he's going to have such wonderful experiences being an older brother. 

mollymay38

I have been feeling like this as well. When I found out we were having twins, I cried because I was so worried about DD. Sounds ridiculous, because I always knew we wanted her to have siblings. Yesterday we went to the Children's Museum and she had a blast running around. Will I be able to do that with her once the twins arrive? I know I can do it, but I just don't want her to have problems adjusting. Oh, the guilt!

SoldiersGreenBean

I understand exactly what you're feeling.  A girl posted the following poem on a private board I'm on, and I found it very comforting:

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as youve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I havent taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know youll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.

I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown

Shanseur*

I STILL feel that way.  In fact...I now send Audrey a couple days a week to preschool just so she gets to have more fun, go outside, do projects, and make friends instead of ALWAYS watching mommy feeding the babies, changing their diapers and holding crying babies.  Something to think about...or a mom's morning out program.

Shanseur*

Shanseur*:

I STILL feel that way.  In fact...I now send Audrey a couple days a week to preschool just so she gets to have more fun, go outside, do projects, and make friends instead of ALWAYS watching mommy feeding the babies, changing their diapers and holding crying babies.  Something to think about...or a mom's morning out program.

oh and Audrey was 15 months old when the babies were born.

laurenpetro

SoldiersGreenBean:

I understand exactly what you're feeling.  A girl posted the following poem on a private board I'm on, and I found it very comforting:

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as youve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I havent taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know youll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.

I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown

thanks.  this is exactly what i needed to read. 

(just kidding, it's great.)

nbptbride

I think about this all the time.

The worst part is, I'm so wrapped up in worrying about these twins that I feel like I'm wasting the last few months of time I have alone with DS. I know it'll be ok, and that he'll adjust, but there's always that feeling of sadness about losing our time alone together. I'm also really sad about not being able to give him as nice of a summer as I had hoped, knowing how lousy I'll be feeling soon enough. I just keep reminding myself to live in the moment and enjoy every second with him.

Sorry this reply turned into a whine-fest.

 

carissasmom

Carissa turned 2, 12 days before the babies were born.  I felt AWFUL about ruining her life.  I can tell you that giving her siblings is the BEST thing we could have ever done and the babies are only 8 months old.  She LOVES them and is very protective of them.  Trust me, your son will make an awesome big brother.