Are these things normal for a 3.5 year old?

ak071401

So with it being Autism Awareness Month and all I have been reading a lot of things about normal child development. DS has been doing some things lately that I question, and I am probably just being paranoid, but I was wondering if anyone else with a 3.5 year old sees these things in their child. I used to bounce things like this off ex-h, but now his response is "He's just being a kid." or "He doesn't do that when I am around."

- super, super emotional about things that aren't a big deal, i.e. when playtime ends at school; it isn't a once in a while thing, it is an at least once a day thing

- has very adult-like conversations; his teachers comment that they sometimes forget they are talking to a child when they talk with him because of his very extensive vocabulary and how clearly he speaks. He has been like this since about 18 months old.

- becomes fixated on things that he likes for unusually long periods of time; example, we went to a Dodger game on Sunday and there were other kids his age there. The other kids were jumping around, picking up peanut shells off the floor and playing with them, etc. DS sat there for the entire game just staring at the game in a zone

- is very particular about how things are done, down to the way the tongue in his shoe is, and if it isn't done right he gets very upset about it (I was like this as a kid and am big perfectionist -- it has always been my biggest stressor, to the point that as a kid I had to see a doctor for it. I think that is why this one worries me)

- very good with numbers, does basic math

- very fascinated with geometry; my favorite was the day I asked if he wanted his sandwich in triangles or rectangles and he asked for a hexagon and proceeded to tell me "A hexagon has 6 sides and an octagon has 8"

- seems to relate better to adults than children his age

- remembers an insane amount of information and quotes things back to me that I said days or weeks before

Like I said, I am probably being paranoid, because I am very fearful that the divorce will have negative effects on ds' social or emotional development, but I am just wondering if all these things are normal for a 3.5 year old.

Thanks, ladies!

CubbyMama

That all sounds a lot like my DD, who's also 3.5.  If he's always been mostly around adults (i.e. not in daycare/preschool, no siblings his age, etc.) then that makes even more sense...I say, don't worry!  If he doesn't make eye contact, sways back & forth and makes strange, rhythmic sounds, etc. then I'd be concerned, but he sounds A-OK to me!

mlm1128

Actually sounds pretty normal to me too.  DD talks like a grown up, we never talked baby talk to her so it makes sense.  As for the math/geometry things...she learns that stuff from Moose A Moose on Nick Jr.

W&J'sMommy

Talk to his pedi about your concerns and see what they say.

What you've described is my son, minus the advanced vocab and clear speech, he is autistic. 

 

JennJim2006

Most of those things described my older son to a T and he is 3.5.  We're concerned because he displays some pretty severe anxiety and possible sensory issues.  I contacted Early Intervention to request evaluation regarding the anxiety/sensory issues but I'm relieved to see that a lot of the things that you listed seem "normal." I'm under so much stress trying to figure out what is normal and what is not.

W&J'sMommy

CubbyMama:

That all sounds a lot like my DD, who's also 3.5.  If he's always been mostly around adults (i.e. not in daycare/preschool, no siblings his age, etc.) then that makes even more sense...I say, don't worry!  If he doesn't make eye contact, sways back & forth and makes strange, rhythmic sounds, etc. then I'd be concerned, but he sounds A-OK to me!

Not all autistic kids exhibit these behaviors, my DS doesn't and he is definitely autistic.

CubbyMama

That's true, ladies--I thought when I posted that, that it wasn't a fair portrayal of all cases of autism.  Thanks for correcting that!

It never hurts to get things checked out, but the only thing the OP mentioned that seems at all unusual is the fixating on something for such a long period of time...because in my experience with DD and other preschoolers, their attention span is usually about 10 seconds.  I'm not sure that alone is cause to worry, but I'm obviously not an expert, either!

ak071401

Thanks for all you shared. I put clarification for some of your bolded comments in italics.

I will do some more reading and then talk to the doc at his 4 year old check up.

 DS's teachers don't seem concerned at all, I just worry about everything these days.

-auntie-:

ak071401:

So with it being Autism Awareness Month and all I have been reading a lot of things about normal child development. DS has been doing some things lately that I question, and I am probably just being paranoid, but I was wondering if anyone else with a 3.5 year old sees these things in their child. I used to bounce things like this off ex-h, but now his response is "He's just being a kid." or "He doesn't do that when I am around."

You've actually nailed a number of red flags or common Asperger traits. I don't know your kid, obviously. And I'm not a medical professional. But I do know hundreds of kids on the higher end of the Autism Spectrum. Based on what you have written, I would check it out further.

- super, super emotional about things that aren't a big deal, i.e. when playtime ends at school; it isn't a once in a while thing, it is an at least once a day thing

Transitions can be difficult for all children. The difference between noraml, garden variety and a kid with issue is the duration, intensity and frequency. What do his teachers think of his meltdown behavior? Is it unusual in any of these respects?

His teachers know that he can calm himself down fine in a reasonable period of time, so they let him calm down and then ask him things like, "Was that really something to get upset about?" and his answer is always "No." and then they move on. They don't seem overly concerned.

- has very adult-like conversations; his teachers comment that they sometimes forget they are talking to a child when they talk with him because of his very extensive vocabulary and how clearly he speaks. He has been like this since about 18 months old.

This is a red flag for Aspergers. DS did this too. I remember him asking my vet if he was going to examine my cat's eustachian tubes when he was about your son's age. It was like that all the time. Adults also described DS as an old soul.

He does have very adult-like conversations, but he doesn't use words like "eustachian" -- what a big word for a kid! To me and his teachers, the thing that makes his coversational style adult-like is the way he structures his sentences and uses transitional phrases, etc. It is more adult like than similar to his peers.

- becomes fixated on things that he likes for unusually long periods of time; example, we went to a Dodger game on Sunday and there were other kids his age there. The other kids were jumping around, picking up peanut shells off the floor and playing with them, etc. DS sat there for the entire game just staring at the game in a zone

Hyper-focus can be seen with both Aspergers and ADHD ironically. It's an unusual child who would choose to focus on a ballgame without a break if peers were available to them.

- is very particular about how things are done, down to the way the tongue in his shoe is, and if it isn't done right he gets very upset about it (I was like this as a kid and am big perfectionist -- it has always been my biggest stressor, to the point that as a kid I had to see a doctor for it. I think that is why this one worries me)

This is a concern. Even if he doesn't have an ASD or OCD, the anxiety driving this needs to be mitigated. My son was like this around all kinds of things- what he wore, what he's eat, which roads I could take to drive to various places. A little of this is quirky preschooler, but if your sense real distress ask you doc about a referal.

I am trying to nip this one in the bud. My parents tried to nip it when I displayed these behaviors, but it didn't really work. I was very hard on myself for even making a small mistake on a test. My perfectionism was attributed to my "gifted" diagnosis. The nice thing that it did for me (obviously stress was the bad thing) is it alerted my teachers that something was going on with me and they had me evaluated and I ended up getting to take special challenging classes and field trips earlier so that I would stop being bored and causing trouble.

- very good with numbers, does basic math

- very fascinated with geometry; my favorite was the day I asked if he wanted his sandwich in triangles or rectangles and he asked for a hexagon and proceeded to tell me "A hexagon has 6 sides and an octagon has 8"

This is very common among kids with Aspergers and HFA. My own DS had a geometry bug and a fixation with infinity as a concept. There's a LO on the SN Board who also has a number special interest.

- seems to relate better to adults than children his age

Diagnostic. Many kids with Aspergers don't even realize they're supposed to be a kid. This is especially true of those who don't have sibs. Even today my DS would count adults among his friends.

He relates better with adults when he wants to have a conversation, but he has many, many friends his age at school that he plays with. When I meet new parents in his class, I get a lot of, "Oh you are B's mom! My dc talks about B all the time. He loves playing with B." Also, we have playdates with the other kids in the neighborhood that are his age and when I see him playing with the neighborhood kids, the interactions seem fairly normal to me.

- remembers an insane amount of information and quotes things back to me that I said days or weeks before

Prodigeous rote memory is also diagnostic. DS knew all of the license plates number on our neighbors cars. He still remembers my tag number from 1997.

Repeating dialog from another person or media source is sometimes echolalia. Again, very common on spectrum. DS can do entire movie dialogs.

Like I said, I am probably being paranoid, because I am very fearful that the divorce will have negative effects on ds' social or emotional development, but I am just wondering if all these things are normal for a 3.5 year old.

Thanks, ladies!

I would urge you to follow your gut. If your pedi won't refer you, you can call the Regional Autism Center for an evaluation if you feel there are enough red flags to warrent a screening.

ak071401

Thanks for the info -auntie-, and for your kind word about my description of ds. I do work full time, but during non-working hours I do spend a lot of time with him because I have 75% physical custody. Being a single mom is certainly rewarding, but I think one of the biggest challenges is that I no longer have a partner that I can say, "I need a break!" and just go take a walk or something. When ds is doing something that is driving me up a wall, I have to go into the next room, count to ten and then go back and work through it with him. I would imagine moms who have a dh that travels a lot have this same challenge. But it does make you very aware of how your child deals with things, because you have to work toward his strengths.

At least now when we have a tough day, ds will say to me, "Mama, we did today like a team." That's when I know I am doing things right