Was there any one thing that happened

inbetween

that you felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders?

The first 3 months of us being apart, I didn't see x at all, unless he came to get dd. In the last month I have seen him 3 times, 2 of those times he was acting very suspicious. I should also say, that I don't think he has seen me any of those 3 times.

I am 100% certain he is doing stuff that he shouldn't be doing, and about 75% sure that he is involved with drugs in some shape or form.

While last night had my stomach completely in knots, once I had time to think about things, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

If that is really the lifestyle he is living then, dd and I obviously don't need it in our lives. It also brings clarity on a lot of things that I questioned/thought about, in how everything went down.

When he left nothing he said made sense, and I told him that, in and of itself, is part of how I knew he was lying so much. I also told him all of his dirt would come out, it always does. It is slowly piece by piece coming out.While we do live in a small town, I feel like there are reasons that I've witnessed what I've witnessed, even if it is just to help me get over him

Of course with all of this comes the worry. If he is involved with drugs, I have no way of prooving it, nor do I know how things are when dd is with him. I am so glad he doesn't have overnights until she is 18 months old, and pray to God, he changes before then!

mrgn

I had a moment like that as well. It was when I met with X face to face for the first time in 7 months. I realized that I COULD do it without him if I had to. And that made it much, much easier.

I'm glad to hear that you had this moment. You have been struggling with coming to terms with your situation. I'm so happy that you're starting to move in the right direction emotionally!

achase123

I would document everything you can and try to get proof of anything you can.  Likely something like this IS going on if you have a gut feeling-usually those feelings are right on.  It might explain a lot if that's what he is involved in-I know from experience with STBXH that drugs can definitely make a person do things you didn't know they were capable of.  Be very careful around him and make sure that DD isn't overnight with him.  I am also worried about her driving with him.

laurieb602

document everything you can in the next few months and get any solid proof you can.  Alyssa's dad and I split when I was pregnant with her, I would hear stories of his drug use...horrible horrible stories.  I never actually saw him until Alyssa was 3 YEARS OLD, talk about a punch in the gut!  It was my 21st birthday and some friends took me out and there he was.  He looked like a druggie, wasn't 21 and was totally trashed in the bar.  He bought me a drink and brought it over to me and tried to ask about Alyssa, I promptly poured the drink on his lap, snapped a pic of his drunken butt and got out of there.  Ruined my 21st that is for sure.  However, when he finally showed up for court a few months later he tried to say he was going for full custody, luckily I had a folder with his entire criminal record (he was a busy boy those 3 years) which amassed 10 pages and every single shred of evidence I had that he was no good.  He never spoke of custody again.

achase123

laurieb602:

document everything you can in the next few months and get any solid proof you can.  Alyssa's dad and I split when I was pregnant with her, I would hear stories of his drug use...horrible horrible stories.  I never actually saw him until Alyssa was 3 YEARS OLD, talk about a punch in the gut!  It was my 21st birthday and some friends took me out and there he was.  He looked like a druggie, wasn't 21 and was totally trashed in the bar.  He bought me a drink and brought it over to me and tried to ask about Alyssa, I promptly poured the drink on his lap, snapped a pic of his drunken butt and got out of there.  Ruined my 21st that is for sure.  However, when he finally showed up for court a few months later he tried to say he was going for full custody, luckily I had a folder with his entire criminal record (he was a busy boy those 3 years) which amassed 10 pages and every single shred of evidence I had that he was no good.  He never spoke of custody again.

Good for you!  Amazing to hear that he seriously thought he was going to get FULL custody!  WTF, after not seeing her for 3 years and amassing a huge criminal record during that time!

Did he abuse drugs when you met him or did it start later (just curious because of my situation).

blondnearby

My "done" moment was right after I had DD#2.  I asked stbx why he wasn't there for DD#2s birth.  His exact response, "I was too busy flucking my girlfriend."  Yep, showed me his priorities.  Its one thing to treat me like poo but when it directly effects my DDs especially when she had no control over any of it there is just no excuse.