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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
We failed at Ferber last night? What do we do now?
We brought DS into bed after an hour... where he promptly fell asleep and slept the rest of the night. What do we do now? Should we go back to it tonight? He was SCREAMING and he was moving all of the place in his crib - it was awful.
Also, DH wasn't very supportive last night either (ie: he wouldn't go watch tv or talk about anything else with me). Now he wants to try again and distract ourselves.. gee, wish he would have listened to me last night regarding this...
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Re: We failed at Ferber last night? What do we do now?
I'm sorry you had such a rough night.
I should say first that I'm not a fan of Ferber techniques or anything that requires the baby to cry on their own (I know I'm in the minority here, but just wanted to get my two cents in).
Regardless of where you stand on CIO, the fact of the matter is that it doesn't work for everyone, despite how effective it is for some parents. In other words, you could do the same thing you did last night for weeks, and it wouldn't work help LO sleep better. I think a big part of it has to do with tension-increasers VS tension-decreasers. If your baby is the type who has to cry to release tension before falling asleep, and rocking/soothing seems to make him more upset, you probably have a tension-decreaser, and CIO will likely work eventually. However, if you have a baby who gets more and more worked up the more they cry, and it continues to escalate, then you probably have a tension-increaser. CIO doesn't work for tension-increasers, and can actually be permanently damaging to them.
Sorry it didn't work for you, whatever the reason, and regardless of what technique you use I hope you all get some sleep soon!
The biggest piece of advice I have for you is that you two need to get on the same page BEFORE you put your LO down for the night. Seriously - make a plan, talk it out and then proceed. If you try to talk it out while your LO is crying, it will only result in arguing between the two of you and then one of you will evenutally fold. Listening to your baby cry is horrible. I remember when DH and I went through it, I literally sat in a ball crying, while DH hugged me and told me that "no - I was not a bad mother".
If you stick to it, it does work! It took a few weeks for DS to finally STTN, but now he's fantastic. I literally, go through our bedtime routine, put him in his sleep sack, read him a story, kiss him on the forehead and put him in his crib (awake). He then rolls over and goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes I hear him chatting for a bit, but I can't remember the last time we had tears at bedtime or naptime. He goes down for the night at 7pm and I don't go in to get him until 7am.
Make sure you're ready to make the commitment, get on the same page as your DH, turn off your monitor and stay strong. It reallly is worth it in the end!
Here's the thing with Ferber....when you give in you make the next night worse. Basically you just taught him if he cries for a long time he will get what he wants (being held, bed with you, etc). I'm not saying you are wrong for picking him up at all. If Henry would have cried for much longer than he did (30 mins) I would've picked him up for sure.
How often are you going in to comfort him. We did every 5 minutes. Some babies will want a lot of comfort and others will get more upset if you go in frequently.
I wish you the best of luck!
This is interesting. When we did it, I simply did not go in. The second I went into Grayson's room, he would loose his s&^t. Once we put him down for the night, that was it. No going in. You have to do whatever works for you.
I disagree with the tension increaser vs. decreaser thing. I think it can work for babies of many different personality types, it just depends whether you think it is worth it for your child.
That beign said I do agree with what PP said about making a plan with your partner. Decide everything that you will do, before you put the babies to bed. How long will you let them cry? When will you check on them? When will you give up? Will you leave the monitor on or off? etc. That way you won't panic and give up when it gets really stressful.
I have a high needs baby and it worked for us. I was highly skeptical, but it did.
ha ha! I don't mean to laugh, but that's hilarious that your DH had to SIT ON YOU! I can totally relate. I told DH I would rather give birth again than have to listen to DS cry without being able to comfort him.
I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!
...last night, we tried swaddling again, I know at almost 8 months...IT WORKED, beautifully. We only swaddled his arms, and we warmed the blanket first. My MIL is a nurse, and suggested swaddling again, which he never liked in the first place, of course I tried, reluctantly...but alas, it was a GREAT SUCCESS!!!
Prior to our technique last night, he would only sleep with us, or with us holding him.
Also, DS is a horrible napper...I swaddled his arms again this am, and he has been asleep for 2 hours!
Good Luck!
CIO did not work for us and it crushed me to hear him scream (so much that he went hoarse). I chose to do an anti-CIO method and so much better for all of us. We're still a work in progress, but bedtime isn't nearly as stressful as it used to be.
https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems/dp/0743488946
Have to agree with you. Checking on DS makes him even more upset when we were doing a Ferber-type CIO. But I still did it - every 10 minutes until I heard him start to calm down, just in case it was a dirty diaper or something else. Wish I had a video monitor for those times!
But now, for the most part, he sleeps 7:30 until after 6. Amazing!!