My family has decided to have a relative (a distant cousin) come out and stay when I have my baby. They also want my neice to be here when the baby is born. They think that it would be a great time for the cousin to learn English and for my neice to be part of my birth so she won't get jealous.
My neice already has a 2yr. old brother so I really don't feel like it is necessary or ideal for me to have to entertain and take care of a child while learning how to care for my baby. (A lot of "but she's so helpful" comments have been made). I also don't want to be entertaining a distant relative to help her learn English while I am trying to be a new mom.
As harsh as it sounds - I told my husband that I will just close my house to my family until both people go home. I am tired of being used as someone to help out the family without being asked. They never even asked me if I wanted anything like this. It hurt my feelings! My family is really great but for some reason they always work so hard on making everyone happy and they often volunteer me to help - normally I don't mind but I just want some time with my baby before I go back to work.
Re: Long vent - Annoyed with family (shouldn't they have asked first)
I completely understand how you feel!
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, and hoping that it will all work out!
This sounds ridiculous you are in no way obligated to take these people in.
In addition to that it really sounds like you need to set some bondries with your parents, they should not have this kind of power over you, your marriage, or your family.
Can't you just say no? I had aunts come when I had DD...BIG mistake. It's hard trying to think of things for other people to do (even if it's for you) while trying to get acclimated to your newborn. This time, they wanted to come again and I explained that we just wanted this time to get used to being a bigger family, and we needed to do it by ourselves. They understood.
I would even risk getting family angry over this - your distant cousin and niece aren't your responsibility right now.
You are very right. I did say no but it was weird and I knew there was a feeling of me being selfish. Prior to me being pregnant - in no way would this have been a problem - we always welcome people to our house but I feel this time should be ours (my husband, mine and the baby's).
My mom and dad are awesome and even are going to watch the baby twice a week so that we don't have to put the baby in daycare right away - so it's not that they don't care. I think they sometimes feel I can handle more things than I really l can.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't even want family I'm close to coming over everyday after the baby is here. And staying overnight? Forget it. Good for you for saying no, but what is your family thinking? I would tell them what you said in your OP; that you want to spend time alone with your baby before heading back to work.
While I agree with your feelings, I understand that it might be hard for you to get out of this, especially if your relatives are coming from abroad and have already made reservations/plans.
One thing that I think would be crucial if they DO come is to put you & your baby first. If this means that you sit them in front of the tv w/ a dvd, magazine & some nail polish for a few hours while you relax in the other room, fine. Don't feel like you need to entertain them or that you are responsible for them.
And have a frank talk with your DH that you expect him to back you up and tell people when it starts to be too much.
Also, maybe you could make out a list of "chores" they can help with. That way if they are annoying you, you could be like "wow, thank you so much for helping me, I'm so luck you're here. Would you mind unloading the dishwasher/folding the laundry/etc. I'm SO luck you're here to help"
Bet they will make plans to do other things during their visit REAL quick!
~Started TTC 2/09. BFP #1 11/09. EDD 8/7/10. DS born 8/7/10.~
~Surprise BFP #2 5/11 while still BF'ing. Natural M/C @ 7w3d.~
~BFP #3 8/11. EDD 4/24/12. Heavy bleeding episodes from a lost twin. DD born 4/14/12.~
~Started TTC 2/13. BFP #4 3/13. EDD 11/8/13. Hoping for smooth sailing!~
this! Put your foot down!!! Seriously!