Help Me.. [Long..]

IceHockeyMama86

For those of you who don't know me or my story I will give you a quick run down. BD and I dated for 6 months, I left him, because he is a controlling, obsessive child (he's 40.) I found out 3 weeks after I left that I was pregnant with LO. My Mother insists on talking to him on a regular basis even though he has stalked me, harassed me and has acted like a complete child throughout this entire pregnancy.

Okay, so this is what happened as of recent.

Tonight both of my parents had a "get together" at a local bar (In BD's town) that involved a bunch of people they went to school with. GREAT. My Dad asked me to stop by because some of my step-mom and mom's friends wanted to see me & touch my belly (yay.) My Mom was at the bar getting a drink when I saw her phone went off, and of course it was BD asking "how she was doing" I replied that "this is ashley, and it is really creepy that you keep talking to my mom, and my whole family (including my Mom's Mom & Dad) think that you guys are having an affair.. or something"  He said "What I can't have friends" Umm, seriously? Yes, but pick someone other than MY MOTHER. I live with her, and she is MY MOM. Needless to say BD showed up at the place.. and stared at me. My Mom opened her big mouth to all of her high school friends and they all tried to lecture me about how I should try and make things work, and that he is s00o0o nice. SERIOUSLY? You can tell me how to live my life after listening to all the "wonderful" things my Mom has to say about him? Come on people, grow up. I am on the brink of throwing a huge friggin' tantrum. My Mom is suppose to be my labor coach, and at this point, I am thinking about going at it alone, and telling her to butt out of my damn life. I am so sick of all of this, I wish I could just pack up and move away. After tonight, I have decided that I am putting his name on the BC, getting child support, and doing the custody thing. I am not going to have BD (Mom's best friend!!!) showing up at MY house whenever the hell he feels like it. I am tired of dealing with the stupidity of it all. How do I go about all of this? Help, please I am desperate, tears of rage and I am about to flip my friggin' lid. 

carrieannew

I wish I had some good advice for you. My ex and I were only together for a month before I got pregnant but in that month my mom just thought he was the best thing eve and fell for the "thought of ex and I" if you know what I mean. When he would smoother me she would say well there is nothing you can do your pregnant .... Yay thanks for the advice. She was like he just wants to be with you .... Ya but to the point I couldn't breath. I'm not going to lie my mom and I became very distant because she continued to talk to him and wanted me to explain why I broke up with him to her. When I couldn't put it in words how unhappy I was with him. She continued to be his friend on facebook right up until a week before I was due. When I told her if she was going to put status updates about the baby or post photos she could not be his friend on facebook . Period end of story. She ended up sending him an email and said she couldn't be his friend on fb but he could contact her other ways. He never wrote back and just deleated her. That was him being him but suprised he let my mom see his douchebag side. Sorry such a long post I just really understand but all I could do was distance myself from my mom until she would open her eyes to reality. But even yesterday while he was here for his visit and my mom stopped by to drop off my daughter she was gross nice to him. *sigh*

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fauxshelley

Ugh, what a nightmare.  I think I would have told the friends of my parents where to put their advice, and left in a huff.  I agree you need to move out asap and get a new labor coach or do it alone.  I did it alone, and actually it was really peaceful, no drama.  I can just see your mom calling her new buddy so he can be there to take you to the hospital and try to act like father of the year while you are in labor.  Seriously I don't get how your mom doesn't realize he was controlling of you?  He is manipulating her to get to what he wants - you.

achase123

I am sorry you are going through this.  I can't figure out why your mom would be so chummy with him given everything you have just said.  It is too bad that she isn't listening to your feelings or wishes.  Maybe you should have a very stern conversation with her and tell her everything you said.  If that doesn't work I definitely wouldn't have her in the room when you give birth.

skimberlin

InternetExplorer:

You don't have an ex problem, you have a mom problem.   She's picked sides and it's not you.

 

To avoid further drama I'd move out, have a civil but distant relationship with ex and mom, and find another labor coach.   Your mother has boundary issues.

 

Also, get rid of your facebook.   It's too much drama and you have enough. 

 

I agree.... if you have already tried talking to her then this might be the best choice. I'm sorry I know it's hard.