When it's 3:30am and LO is awake for the 8th time...
acia
member
... what do you do? It seems like as soon as I get her to sleep, she wakes up. I'm trying not to nurse her every time she wakes (because there's no way she's hungry every hour), and she falls asleep easily from rocking her, but as soon as I put her down she wakes up. After an hour of picking up and rocking and putting her down, we were both in tears so I just nursed her to sleep.
I'm trying to follow my sleep plan from NCSS, but it just seems to be making things worse! PPO backfires and pisses DD off. She's up on average 8-12 times a night. I'm just SO tired and haven't had more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep since December. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry, no point to this post, just venting I guess.... Though I'll take any advice if you have some to share!
Re: When it's 3:30am and LO is awake for the 8th time...
I have no advice...we are right there with you. We have good nights and bad nights...at 3:00 he was up for I think the 4-5th time and didn't go back down even after nursing. We were up until about 5:00 when I finally laid down on the floor with him and he fell asleep next to me out of exhaustion and then a few minutes later I was able to ease him into the crib.
I am sorry! I just keep telling myself this is a period of time, a phase, and it will get better.
Do you cosleep? That's not an option for us but I know it would help. Maybe it could help you too?
Oh honey, that's terrible!
You need to get someone to help you out so you can rest. You've become a human pacifier, which is all well and good, but it's wearing you out and probably affecting your milk supply and your health and your ability to be a wonderful happy mommy.
This might be a time to try some not-so-AP stuff out of necessity. AP is wonderful if it's working for everyone involved, but not if it's making everyone miserable. Maybe flameworthy.... but you might need to consider modified CIO in DH's arms (not leave her alone till she pukes insanity - Daddy Time is precious and important), or supplementing with formula once to let your milk "catch up", or doing a little bit of scheduling (nurse at 12, 4 and 8 but no other time).
You are NOT less important than your daughter. You need to consider your own health and well-being. Your LO deserves a well-rested, happy mother, not a zombie who is dreading the evenings and barely making it through every day.
Your DH needs to step in big time and help you get some balance in your relationship with your daughter.
I know it sounds terrible but I WISH it was teething! I've tried Motrin & Tylenol before bed, and it makes no difference to the # of wakings. Sometimes she seems to be in pain, and other times she's just awake. Plus this has been going on consistently for 3+ months (i.e. the best night we've had since Christmas she woke 5 times), and I would have thought she'd have cut a tooth by now.
She sleeps either right next to me (if we fall asleep nursing) or in a side-carred crib. So the furthest she sleeps away from me is about 2 feet...
I found if I went to calm DS he would stay up and fuss - sometimes for up to an hour but if DH went to settle him he would go back to sleep very quickly (less then 5 mintues). I didn't figure this out to DS was older - around a year. DS started sleeping better and then after about 2 weeks it didn't matter if I went in he would still settle quicky. Maybe you could give this I try.
Have you asked the pedi? At her age, with all the night wakings, it may be something medical. I imagine she must be tired too. You both need a good night's rest (read: 2-4 wakings, lol). Seriously, she may be bothered by something. I'm begining to think my LO gets a stuffy nose because we're in FL and we always run the AC. So I'm considering a humidifier to see if that helps....I'm always putting saline drops in his nose and suctioning out boogies.
I'm at my wit's end tonight and thank God DH (who is never home, ever) is trying to calm LO down...he's screaming and crying, but he's with Daddy and I'm not caring right now. I'm having a half glass of wine. I need to unwind. I can't believe that you haven't slept more than 2 hours since December...poor girl, how do you get through the day? *Hugs*
Yeah, I keep thinking there's gotta be something going on with her... She had reflux until about a month ago, so I always thought it was that, but now she doesn't spit up anymore and the doc took her off the meds. When I asked the pedi, she basically blamed it on me and said it was because I was being "too responsive" and that I should just let her cry. I just don't know...
My H has been staying up (well, waking up really) on night duty to give Emmy water instead of me nursing her to sleep. It's working, but only if my H gives her the bottle. If I try- forget it. I honestly don't know if it's helped with the night waking number yet... if it doesn't help in a day or two we'll try something else, but honestly I'm relishing being off night duty!
PPO makes Emmy mad too... she figures out that I'm going to take the boob away so she just sucks harder/drinks more, then gets an upset stomach and screams. Not good. PPO=fail.
Oh, and have you tried hylands teething tablets? Or there is the "gentle naturals" brand at walgreens- I've heard good things about it. Or rescue remedy... it's safe for infants, I believe. Can't hurt, right?
I'm sorry that you're going through this! I don't know if you have seen any of my recent posts but this sounds similar to my situation only my LO is only 5 months. I know you probably don't want to let her CIO but have you ever let her fuss at all? Two nights ago, my LO slept for almost 5 hours straight! This never happens (usually only 1-3 hours at a time). He woke up at 2:30, I nursed him and when I put him down he started to fuss and cry out a bit. It never really escalated but he did fuss and cry pretty mildly for about 5-10 minutes. I was watching him from a distance and it was interesting to see him get himself comfortable by turning to his sides and then he fell asleep for the longest time in SO long!
Also, I have firmly decided that I will only nurse him twice a night. We can still have 7+ wakings and sometimes I do give in from exhaustion but I really don't want to be nursing at every wake. Sometimes he'll just cry in my arms for a bit. It seems to be easier for my husband now and he will help out a lot from 9pm - 12am. Can your husband help out at all? Lastly, we have also started to be a little less responsive. I don't want to leave him really upset but I also don't run in there at every sound anymore. I don't think it's helpful for him either.
While Ferber was not my first choice it has saved my sanity. I read the book and spoke w/my pedi about it (who is very AP herself - she has 6 kids of her own, all breastfed - she is superwoman) and decided on a modified Ferber approach. I would let him fuss as long as I could handle it. If it became too difficult for me to listen to I would go to him. I did try to push myself (like in the beginning "pushing myself" meant that I watched the clock and made myself stay out of his room for 2 whole minutes before intervening).
What I learned: DS doesn't always NEED me. He sometimes just needs to fuss a bit and sometimes when he all out cries and I rush into to "fix" things he is still actually sleeping and it is ME that wakes him by trying to comfort him.
What DS learned: How to comfort himself more than he was able to before. He can now go all night w/out intervention needed from me (that doesn't mean every single night is that way but we have more and more as we go).
Letting his fuss/cry a bit allowed me to "re-learn" the differences in the fusses/cries DS makes ultimatly making me more in tune with when DS truly needs me.
All of this was done w/out leaving DS to cry until he puked. There are various stages of CIO and it is not 'all or nothing'.
Good luck on whatever you decide. It is so hard to deal w/when you're not getting enough sleep.
I understand why people post their Ferber experiences, but it is a bit awkward when a post gets a lot of CIO advice on the AP board...
OP- I was just getting ready to post an update, but in case you don't read it- last night Emma slept from 8:30 until 4:45am- for the first time EVER. Apparently the bottle of water is working. You might try it? I can't do CIO, but I'm fine with giving her a bit of water every night.
I'm so sorry
I have been there but it only went on for a month because I couldn't take it anymore. We tried the bottle of water but it didn't work because he was still waking and then would get mad because he didn't want water so we then had to bounce/rock him back to sleep every 2 hours.
My Mom, who is against CIO, like me, told me I needed to let him cry beside me to help him learn to self soothe. I did not want to but needed sleep so badly. It took about 3 nights and he was sleeping for a 3-4 hour stretch and then a 6-7 hours stretch. He sleeps side-carred to our bed. I would feed him and then lay him down and he did cry the first few nights. I would then rub his back and shush until he fell asleep. Same thing when he woke. It was pretty hard to do it but I can now say it was totally worth it and he is a much happier and rested baby. As well as I am! Just wanted to put my experience out there.
I'm so glad you found something that seems to be working - I know you've had your fair share of sleep issues!
Unfortunately, DD will not take a bottle. We've tried close to a dozen different bottles/nipples, different temperatures, DH feeding, MIL feeding, me feeding, and nothing works. She just wants boob.
I'm not comfortable with the crying, either - the only thing I might try if things get bad enough (it's hard to imagine things being worse) is to let her fuss in my arms or next to me as I comfort her. I wouldn't let it escalate to crying, but maybe some fussing would work... The reason I've avoided it is because in general DD gets worked up when she starts to fuss and it ends up having the opposite effect and waking her completely....
I understand what you're saying. I guess I don't really consider what I did CIO. I find myself struggling with what is good for Ben (a little crying/fussing vs. sleep deprivation). That being said, I definitely don't want to make anything uncomfortable!
Why? I don't think that AP is an exlusive club for those who jump when their LOs says how high. I believe it to be a mind set built on the wish to be so in tuned & connected to what your LO needs that you're able to give it to them. Notice I said what they NEED and not what they want. Is letting DS fuss very hard for me? Absoulutly but I do believe that I was making things worse by intervening at every squeek and wimper. I do not believe that this approach is right for every LO or every mom nor was it my first choice but I do believe it was what was best for us and I don't think that makes me less AP.
I know sometimes it is hard to detect tone in these posts (as I've learned in the past when I was trying to be funny) so please let me call out that I am not trying to be arguementative. I just believe the AP isn't just defined by this one thing as it seems to get a lot of press on this board as anti-Ferber or anti-CIO.
Just my 2 cents.... :-)
I'm probably projecting a bit, I guess. I just know that I personally don't like posting about sleep issues and hearing a lot of "we gave in and used CIO... so glad we did, too!" because that's not helpful/useful to me. Of course, this is the internet and I fully realize that anybody can say whatever they want. I guess I'm thinking that every mom on this board knows CIO is an option, and probably has several people advising her to do it.
I've seen posts where people specifically say, "I'm thinking about CIO" and people post their stories... and that doesn't bother me so much, for some reason.
I do think any mom contemplating CIO should read Ferber and make sure that using CIO will actually help, because for many problems he specifically states that it won't help. Also, not until 6 months, not while sick, etc etc
I totally agree