Pregnant after a Loss

DH doesnt want to be a Dad...(sorta vent)

DH and I work together and so get to see each other multiple times a day. I dont know if he was freaking out or what but today he decides to tell me at work that he doesnt want kids and never did. He tells me that we didnt talk, really talk about it and now we're pregnant. I reminded him that we made the decision to stop all birth control together over a year ago. I reminded him that we had talked about it at least a few times since stopping BC. I know that a lot of this is fear. Fear that he wont be a good dad. Fear of dirty diapers and vomit. Fear of how much kids cost. We had decided together to try. We decided together one and we're done. And he has even said in the last month(multiple times), that he'd be okay with twins. After our first MC, he said we could try again. He says he can already see how we are changing and how our marriage is changing. He's not happy about the lack of sex (my fault: scared of spotting and I'm freaking exhausted!).

He did say he is a little excited. And I did my best to reassure him that fear is completely normal. I told him that things will change as we get further along. I bet when he can feel the little sea monkey moving around, he becomes even more excited. 

*Sigh* I just needed someone to listen...

Re: DH doesnt want to be a Dad...(sorta vent)

  • I wish you both the best of luck!
  • I am so sorry your DH is scared and saying these things to you. I am glad you know it is out of fear that he is saying these things but I know it is still hurtful. I hope things get better for the both of you! T&P.
    BFP #1: 10/17/08 EDD: 6/24/09-missed m/c; d&c on 12/8/08 BFP #2: 11/7/09 EDD: 7/15/10-Cabe born on 7/9/10 BFP #3: 10/7/11 EDD: 6/20/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker A Butterfly lies beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment, its beauty and glory belong to our world. But then it flies on again. And though we wish it could have stayed we feel so lucky to have seen it. In loving memory of MrsTyson's precious Julia.
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  • I'm sorry he said that-especially at work. Everyone gets nervous. .Good Luck
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  • I'm sorry he said those things.  I do think it takes many men longer to really get on board with the baby thing, even if the couple made a joint decision to try.  My DH didn't even talk about our LO until 15 weeks or so and even then it was really sporadic.  I'm sure he will come around as the pregnancy progresses.  You're right-when DH felt the baby for the first time, I think that's when he really became excited.  Good for you to listen and reassure him that the fear is normal.
  • So sorry he said these things. I think you're right, he's probably getting scared and freaking out. I'm sure he'll come around. ((hugs))

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