What is your definition of a "spoiled child?"

JDCSKF

My inlaws called J spoiled the other night. I defended her (my parenting) by saying "she was a onrey 3 year old, who was tired." Everyone dismissed me and said she was spoiled. It made me emotional and DH told me to ignore them because they were ignorant.

So, what do you think "spoiled" is? 

massagegirly

A child who gets anything they want especially when they do not deserve it. Either by manipulating, whining at you our any other bratty way of getting it.

CinemaGoddess

I think spoiled = expecting to get your way 110% of the time and your parents giving in.  Also, never punishing a child for anything they do wrong, even if it's blatently their fault. 

I don't think a fussy 3-year-old is spoiled. 

JRS72206

A child who has WAY too much stuff, has over the top parties, a terrible attitude, treats their parents terrible, not disciplined, and an over all brat. My cousins kids are this to a T. It drives me insane.

WatchPot

JRS72206:

A child who has WAY too much stuff, has over the top parties, a terrible attitude, treats their parents terrible, not disciplined, and an over all brat.

This and add expects it all or doesn't see that what they have is a privledge. 

Mrs.State746

I think it depends.  Having a child that doesn't listen, care, and always gets it's way doesn't really mean it's spoiled.  I believe my child is spoiled but he is also disciplined.  A 3 year old that throws a temper tantrum because they didn't get their way doesn't mean they are a bad child or spoiled.  The fact is they don't know exactly what right from wrong is.  A 10 year old that throws them self on the floor and cries because they didn't get what they wanted = spoiled. 

WatchPot

Also, I would be upset too.  I would have gone BSC on them because it's too close to comfort when someone offends my child or my parenting.

IkesHawaiian06

WatchPot:

Also, I would be upset too.  I would have gone BSC on them because it's too close to comfort when someone offends my child or my parenting.

This. Exactly. I told DH that if MIL ever says anything about my parenting that she may never see us again... That's just bad form to say that to you.

I think everyone else's responses are good. I view a child as spoiled when they get everything they ask for and expect that others will do it for them. A 3 year old throwing a fit is a normal occurrence, especially when said 3 year old is tired. There is a difference between spoiled and undisciplined though. I think as long as you know that you are doing what you need to do as a parent, then I would try to let that go and let DH know that next time, he needs to step in and cut the trash talking before it starts.

Mama_v2.0

My mom use to think I was spoiling my kids with love and attention. Now she is so grateful that I did because they show their love to her all the time.

Spoiled are my nephews and niece. 7, 12, 16. They cry, argue, whine, complain, everything is "poor me", grandparents give them what ever they want when they come once a year (like $500ish), their mother says no until they bother her, then she always gives in. They are brats with no self control and always want a reward for everything. However they are not spoiled when it comes to affection...they are neglected. (I speak from over 2500 hours of observation, not a day or two worth.)

keri1013

WatchPot:

JRS72206:

A child who has WAY too much stuff, has over the top parties, a terrible attitude, treats their parents terrible, not disciplined, and an over all brat.

This and add expects it all or doesn't see that what they have is a privledge. 

All of this!

JDCSKF

Thanks everyone. Dh did say that J was spoiled with love and affection (a positive thing). It really got under my skin because J wasn't being bratty. She just didn't want to give out hugs every 5 minutes, and was pushing them away saying, "no please," and laughing (inlaws see this as extremely rude behavior) She gets orney this way when she gets lots of attention at once. When I saw onrey I mean: ignore, walk away, do the opposite of what you ask, knowing that it will make us upset. It wasn't just MIL it was BIL and SIL. They all spoil her to no end! I have to deprogram J everytime she spends a lot of time with them. Oh well, I'm pissed, will be for a while.

McJen715

WatchPot:

JRS72206:

A child who has WAY too much stuff, has over the top parties, a terrible attitude, treats their parents terrible, not disciplined, and an over all brat.

This and add expects it all or doesn't see that what they have is a privledge.

I obviously don't know nothin' about birthin' (or raisin') no babies, but I agree with all of this.

I don't think a 3 year old who is tired and crabby is spoiled. Just tired. Hell, I get crabby when I'm tired too!

indigo91804

One who's parents never call them on their crap. "No he would never do that". I am learning this rapidly in Logan's first grade class. Uh, yes, he would and he did it too my kid. 

I think a spoiled kid is one who gets things instead of love, runs all over their parents, and isn't taught manners (please and thank yous). I think spoiled kids expect things to be handed to them.

I also don't think an overtired 3 y/o is spoiled. My kids have melted down plenty of times at my parents house. Shame on your IL's to make a hard for you situation worse. I'd be pi$$ed too.  

indigo91804

I just read your other post. My kids, especially Logan, do not hug other people often. He is too logical and it makes him very uncomfortable. He will genuinely but not on demand. We have taught him it is ok to say no. 

Ms.Jade

I think it's hard to spoil a 3 year old since I think children are spoiled when they don't understand their good fortune. The mere fact that they were born and live in the United States is a HUGE benefit. I am absolutely flabbergasted at how many college aged "kids" have never been in a poor neighborhood, never worked to help people less fortunate than themselves by volunteering or serving in a soup kitchen, and who have no clue how the rest of the world lives - some on pennies a day. It's disgusting. 

The best thing you can do for your kids is expose them to a variety of experiences, people, and circumstances. I believe that this is how they develop a sense of their place in the world and a appreciation for what they have. 

iHeartHimMore

indigo91804:

I think a spoiled kid is one who gets things instead of love, runs all over their parents, and isn't taught manners (please and thank yous). I think spoiled kids expect things to be handed to them.

This is what I was going to say.

Ms.Jade:

The best thing you can do for your kids is expose them to a variety of experiences, people, and circumstances. I believe that this is how they develop a sense of their place in the world and a appreciation for what they have.