Thinking years from now...
EnglishMajor03
member
Do you ever think about how you'll handle social situations with your LO when they get older? For instance, I have a cousin who has two kids just a year older and three years older than Parker. We are a really close family so we see them quite regularly. I was speaking with the father the other day who mentioned something about fake ID's. My response was "well you'd take it away if you found it". He said probably not. 
Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but that is a big parenting fail no? Of course it hasn't happened so who knows what he would do but it just got me thinking.
Even before the teen years if Parker isn't allowed to do something they are how I'm going to explain that to her. Obviously I'll allow my children to do the things I'm comfortable with them doing and nothing is going to change that. But I guess I just worry about those "discussions" with them. KWIM?
Re: Thinking years from now...
I try not to judge other parents and their parenting skills. Everyone does things differently.
You explain to your kids the rules in YOUR home and what they are/aren't allowed to do. Then you hope and pray that they find friends that have the same type of parents with the same type of rules........
The times change so quickly, I mean - even now, while I think I'm fully functioning in the world - there is constantly new technology and ways for doing things that will inevitably pass us by.
It's the situations that we can't fathom that will be hardest to work through.
I don't know about that parent's failure or not - as you said, they haven't been faced with it and by the time they are faced with it - they will be wiser (hopefully).
We have greater social situations and issues to worry about. I think as a parent you can't dig your head into the sand. Meaning, we have to continue to try to learn and understand THEIR world (because it is more different than the one we grew up in) and understanding best practices for confronting or helping to educate our children.
I have a 16 yo and if I ever found a fake ID, she'd have it taken away so quickly that her head woud be spinning. And, she'd be in mega trouble.
Honestly, you just do the best job that you can. Have I always handled everything perfectly with her? No. But I do the best I can and try to learn from my mistakes. She does dumb things from time to time, but so did we when we were teenagers. And If I do say so myself, all in all, she's a good kid. So, I must have done something right.
From the expert, then, do tell: if your daughter gets upset that you won't let her do something do you feel bad if she pitches a fit? I just feel like there's a lot of gray area for me right now. Maybe when she's older I'll be more confident in what I will and won't let her do...
Hoping and praying ain't gonna make things come true!!
I think it's a sense of control I'm after. Like if all the kids had the same rules: great! But they aren't.
I'm my childrens' parent, not their friend when they're little. I have no problem with my kids being mad at me if I won't let them do something. They can pitch all the fits they want.
You can only control so much though. Then you have to let your kids go and figure it out and hope that you set a good enough foundation for them that it won't crumble and they'll get into trouble.........
All of this depends on the situation, etc.
I just don't think about the future because when I do, I kind of freak.
Like what if DD becomes a drug addict or commits suicide or gets raped. See, too scary to think about so I focus on diapering baby dolls and finger painting amongst the daffodils.
And more along the lines of what you are talking about - I worry about that too. I think my DH and I have parenting styles that are going to be in the minority. I wonder how we are going to talk about and explain this to DD without her thinking we are total unfair idiots.
I LOLed at 'expert'. I'm hardly that, but I have been a mom for a long time.
I am a very big believer in picking and choosing your battles. You can't make everything a big deal because when there is something major, they won't take you seriously because you've make everything else an issue as well...if that makes sense.
Do I feel bad if Jordan wants to do something and she has a fit (which, she often does) if she can't have it/do it? Sometimes, but more often than not, no. I really only say no to things if I have a good reason. She may not like the reason, but that's too bad. My mom sometimes thinks that I'm too lax with her, but Jordan knows when she has really made a big boo-boo and that I'm not playing around and mean what I say.
I think picking and choosing your battles and being consistent are key.
LOL!! I came from a very strict house and DH didn't so although we aren't faced with these situations now, I wonder where we'll end up "falling". Why do you think you'll be in the minority re: your parenting?
I just think we are weird and antisocial. And I don't want to force DD to be weird and antisocial, although I really like weird and antisocial. I am not a girly girl and I have a pretty strong feminist side in me, so I can foresee that "tween" years are going to be tough with regards to make up, girly shopping trips, what girls her age are watching (movies, TV, etc.) I would much rather have a piano playing, book reading, intelligent nerd than a sparkle wearing, boy crazy teen. BUT, I know I have to let her develop her own self. I know I have strayed from your original point, sorry.
I do know I will not be the cool parent, but I also don't want to be so uncool and unrealistic that she pulls away.
Yuck, I am done talking about her growing up. =(