Working bites-WHINE
Not really a vent, more of a whine about how much I hate working and being away from my baby for so long. I seriously never thought it would be so hard for me. I never thought working would feel so wrong.
I can't focus on work while I'm here because I am constantly thinking about C. I find myself getting lost for 15-20 minutes at a time just staring at her picture. I feel like something is missing all day and I find myself filling that gap with food- mostly chocolate. Not good when I'm already struggling with post-pregnancy weight.
Caroline is doing great at daycare and her "teacher" is someone who really loves babies, but she doesn't nap there (she doesn't want to miss anything) so she is cranky and exhausted when I get home in the evening. I get about 1.5 hours with her. Last night DH was talking about moving her to her room (she sleeps in a co-sleeper in our room now and frequently, I confess, tucked into my armpit) and I broke down crying and begged him not to take her away from me at night too.
I need to find some sort of work at home job. The director of my office has made it clear that there will be no flexible days or telecommuting. I don't know how I am supposed to find the time to find something new.
OK, I'm done. I don't really need any advice, I just needed to whine a little. Poor me and all that.
Superaunt- I know you are struggling with being back too. Is it getting any better?
Re: Working bites-WHINE
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I just want to say sorry you are feeling this way. There isn't any easy answer, is there? Working outside the home is a necessary evil for most of us. I am going back to work in the next couple of weeks and I am dreading it. I can't put it off much longer - even though I work for my family's business. They need me to come back soon
I was reading this and kept on nodding my head and the tears kept forming in my eyes and I was getting ready to respond and then I see your question at the end (to me) and it made me laugh. Dont' know why but at least I'm not coming in here like a blubbering idiot.
It has finally gotten a LITTLE better (this is week 4 for us) bc Sabrina has been more awake THANKGODALMIGHTY when I pick her up. And she's just such an incredible joy to be around - whether it be at 430 in the morning (god I hate waking her though; feel soooo guilty) or at 330 in the afternoon when I pick her up. As soon as she sees me and realizes (through all the craziness of the daycare center -it's soooo busy all.the.time!) it's me, her face has just been LIGHTING up. Just reflecting on that face and that smile lighting up gets me through some tough moments when I'm not with her so I just try to focus on that... But like I said, she's been more awake at the end of the day. yesterday, for example, she was talking to me in the car for a good 20 minutes (our ride is like 45 mins on a good day) before she fell asleep - and then she woke up when we got home so we played and played and played!!
Sorry for rambling, but please know that I totally know where you're coming from and I do think that once Caroline gets more used to all the stimuli she gets during the day, she'll be more alert giving you more playtime with her and hopefully that will help matters a little more.
Hang in there momma!!!
::hugs::
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