Trying not to Panic (little long but wwyd?) — The Bump
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Trying not to Panic (little long but wwyd?)

Hi there.  Some of you might be familiar with my story so sorry for the redundancy but there have been updates.

Left my husband of only 7 months 8 weeks ago.  He seemed to become a different man on our honeymoon....which was an absolute disaster....and I feel like he has been abducted by aliens...he is not the man I dated for 2 1/2 years before I married him. He had become very detached from the pregnancy after 12 weeks, from me too....I was unable to communicate with him and begged him often to help me save the marriage.  He began to seem a bit paranoid about life, work, the baby, finances, food and water, etc.  I had been trying to get him to see a therapist for over a year.  I tried for a long time to imagine it was just the wedding and baby so close together (we got pregnant the week after our wedding) and the pressure must be a little much for him....

So now I have been at my parents for 2 months. He hasnt given me a dime for the baby (we are having our baby at Ina May Gaskin's community in Tennessee - something we both decided early on in the pregnancy) so I have to pay for it (along with all my own expenses and bills on about 12k a year vs his $50k)...and all of the money I have put aside came from me. I paid for everything. This week he took me off his health insurance.  We started to see a therapist together....but it seems to have accomplished nothing.  He still hasnt seemed to be interested enough to committing to coming for the birth.  He has even accused me of poisoning our child with flouride and chlorine because I drank tap water.

the last session we were in, he accused my leaving as part of a pattern stemming from an earlier diagnosis of mine (Borderline Personality Disorder) even though he had admitted in earlier sessions to being detached and non communicative.  Now he seemed to be grasping at straws. I was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar disorder in my 20s (im now 33) and was completely functional with both of these disorders.  The two years before I met him I suffered from a period of Agoraphobia which stemmed from a traumatic experience I had.  I have been without any symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, or mania for over 2 years.  My family feels i am stronger than I have ever been...I stopped taking any kind of meds over 2 years ago....and have not even been in therapy.  In fact, I have kind of been nursing his depression for the last year and a half.

However, my dad went to visit him this weekend and came back saying that he saw a side of my husband he has never seen before.  He seemed paranoid...prone to losing his cool and getting very animated and upset....and really pushing this BPD problem that i supposedly have as being the reason I left and none of it being his fault. My dad was really freaked out by him.

I am just nervous.  I know that I have been so centered and controlled, sad....but dealing well with this whole thing these past 2 months....but my husband has been erratic, paranoid, and unpredictable. But he has no documented diagnoses...I do....I am scared to death he might try to take this baby as leverage to "get me back" (not because he is fit or even has the time to care for a baby alone) and use my mental health history as his ammo.  What are your thoughts?

Re: Trying not to Panic (little long but wwyd?)

  • mrgnmrgn
    Sixth Anniversary Photogenic
    Document everything. Your diagnosis is NOT a reason for him to be able to take the baby. The courts would not have that. You would probably need to have a psych eval, as would he. It sounds like he's the one that is going to come up short. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.Stay strong. You're doing what is best for you and LO!
  • How old is he? His behavior sounds very erratic and unpredictable. I ask about his age because the way that he is behaving sounds very much like Paranoid Skitzophrenia. I have 2 relatives with this disease and for both of them, it didn't onset until they were in their mid to late 20's.
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  • A court would order a psych eval and as long as nothing stands in the way of your parenting they won't take your child from you! And I would check the laws in your state, I know here in CT you can not take a spouse off of your insurance if you are going through a divorce.

  • As a mother with a mental health diagnosis you are vulnerable in court. You would be well-served to find a weekly or even monthly counselor in case you ever have to show that you were compliant with doctor recommendation and not in any sort of denial. A court psych eval that came out 'good' could only say that on that day/days you were functioning well. You want to show long term stability.
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