say you're pregnant w/o jealousy?

Whitney DD

In reading previous posts about jealousy, how would you tell people you KNOW are trying to get pregnant and struggling that you are with the least damage? I have several friends that are trying and the last thing I want to do is hurt them or make them angry/jealous at me if I am lucky enough to get pregnant before them. So, how would you say it, or how would it be easiest to hear?

TiDa2009

I think just telling them is the best way.  Even though I get a jealous twinge when I hear someone is pregnant, I'm genuinely happy for them and I'm sure your friends, no matter their struggles, would feel the same for you.

niceybee05

I don't think think there can be a "right way" if the person who is TTC is having a bad day...I know that just the fact the someone is pg and I am not will make me jealous...but at the same time I know i will be very happy for them because they got their miracle...

PGASTL

I would definitely try to tell them privately (whether that's on the phone or in person) and not in a group setting. Trying to put on a brave face in front of other people is so tough!

chuleysnackety

I would just tell them in a simple way.. be mindful that the news might be painful and dont overwhelm them by giving them all your details.. just put yourself in there shoes and that should help you..

j&lo82907

I would just tell them, but of course, I have been trying longer than any of my friends, but even if it is the other way around, if someone is going to be jealous then they will be no matter how you tell them. If I am jealous of someone I know who gets pregnant, that is how I would have felt regardless of how the news was broken to me.

rider5344

TiDa2009:

I think just telling them is the best way.  Even though I get a jealous twinge when I hear someone is pregnant, I'm genuinely happy for them and I'm sure your friends, no matter their struggles, would feel the same for you.

 

This...though I get jealous, I'm truly happy for my friends when they get happy....the pp was a strange situation  

Ya Never Know

Whitney.D.D.:

In reading previous posts about jealousy, how would you tell people you KNOW are trying to get pregnant and struggling that you are with the least damage? I have several friends that are trying and the last thing I want to do is hurt them or make them angry/jealous at me if I am lucky enough to get pregnant before them. So, how would you say it, or how would it be easiest to hear?

 

I would just tell them. I understand how difficult it is when I hear it from someone else, but if I can't get over myself enough to put my feelings aside on what is one of the happiest times in their lives, then I can't consider myself much of a friend. If they gloat, that's a different story..... 

rider5344

rider5344:

TiDa2009:

I think just telling them is the best way.  Even though I get a jealous twinge when I hear someone is pregnant, I'm genuinely happy for them and I'm sure your friends, no matter their struggles, would feel the same for you.

 

This...though I get jealous, I'm truly happy for my friends when they get happy....the pp was a strange situation  

 

OMG I apparently can't think or type today...meant get ku 

youngin12

chuleysnackety:

I would just tell them in a simple way.. be mindful that the news might be painful and dont overwhelm them by giving them all your details.. just put yourself in there shoes and that should help you..

Very well said. I would do this as well. 

Valjoy11

Everyone has made really good points already, I would just add that I would try very hard not to make a big deal about it after that, but rather wait for them to ask about it or bring it up, just in case they are having a bad day.

PinkLove-S

This gets asked pretty often and it seems as though the general consensus is to either tell them privately when it is just the two of you or more often people say to tell them via electronic means (email, text, etc) so they can get it out on their own and then be happy for you. Many of us can relate to the initial gut feeling when hearing someone is pregnant and that someone is not you so telling them via text or email lets them cry by themselves without hurting your feelings.

AutumnBride929

We were in this situation.  I wasn't there at the time but they were our neighbors.  DH and the wife were getting home at the same time and DH had our u/s pic with him because he was showing it to his offices.  He just called her over and showed her the pic.  She was way excited.  I pulled in the driveway just a few minutes later.  I guess that was an appropriate way to do it... I don't know but it seemed to work out just fine that way.  They actually ended up getting pg while I was pg and had their baby girl in January.

jessr510

PinkLove-S:

This gets asked pretty often and it seems as though the general consensus is to either tell them privately when it is just the two of you or more often people say to tell them via electronic means (email, text, etc) so they can get it out on their own and then be happy for you. Many of us can relate to the initial gut feeling when hearing someone is pregnant and that someone is not you so telling them via text or email lets them cry by themselves without hurting your feelings.

 

 I don't know if I agree with electronic means.  I was on the telling end when I got KU with DS.  It took us 16 cycles and I had a friend who had started TTC 3 months before me and was in the midst of fertility treatments.  I called her and told her the news, trying to be mindful of her feelings.  I know I hurt her and I was anxious about telling her, but she said later she was glad that I had called her and not just e-mailed her.  I am pretty close with her, so I guess it would depend.  I think if you would have called or told her in person if she wasn't TTC, I wouldn't e-mail or text because it might make her feel like she's not important enough to you to warrant a phone call... I was prepared for any reaction, so it didn't hurt me that it took her a little bit to process the information and she wasn't all screams and excitement.  I knew she wouldn't be... Of course, I was never on the receiving end of that news when TTC, so this is all just secondhand info... Maybe out situation was just strange...

EgGirl

I think overall there's nothing you can do to prevent the normal sadness/jealousy that a friend will feel when she finds out you are pg.  However like a PP said, she will also feel really happy for you, since you guys are good friends. 

The only thing I can think of is to choose a situation where you guys aren't going to be together for a long time.  I think sometimes people need a moment to privately feel sad, before they can publicly feel happy. That way she can express how happy she is for you briefly, but then have some time to process her feelings privately afterward. 

PinkLove-S

jessr510:

PinkLove-S:

This gets asked pretty often and it seems as though the general consensus is to either tell them privately when it is just the two of you or more often people say to tell them via electronic means (email, text, etc) so they can get it out on their own and then be happy for you. Many of us can relate to the initial gut feeling when hearing someone is pregnant and that someone is not you so telling them via text or email lets them cry by themselves without hurting your feelings.

 

 I don't know if I agree with electronic means.  I was on the telling end when I got KU with DS.  It took us 16 cycles and I had a friend who had started TTC 3 months before me and was in the midst of fertility treatments.  I called her and told her the news, trying to be mindful of her feelings.  I know I hurt her and I was anxious about telling her, but she said later she was glad that I had called her and not just e-mailed her.  I am pretty close with her, so I guess it would depend.  I think if you would have called or told her in person if she wasn't TTC, I wouldn't e-mail or text because it might make her feel like she's not important enough to you to warrant a phone call... I was prepared for any reaction, so it didn't hurt me that it took her a little bit to process the information and she wasn't all screams and excitement.  I knew she wouldn't be... Of course, I was never on the receiving end of that news when TTC, so this is all just secondhand info... Maybe out situation was just strange...

I also would like to be told and not via email but it seems that many of the women on here would have preferred that so they could get the crying out before facing the newly pregnant person. I can see it from both ways because if you just bust out crying the pg person might think you were mad, hurt, or not happy about the news.

I guess this all just depends on the person being told and hopefully they are good enough friends for her to know how to handle it with her. 

williaw

kellbranc

A friend of mine who already has a son and she got pregnant with #2 "without even trying". She told everyone else but me to spare my feelings (she knew I have been trying since the fall). I was MORE hurt that she did not tell me and thought I would not be happy for her.

dani2480

Definitely tell them about it (they're your friends after all, and I'm sure they would want to know!)

But don't:

A) Rub it in. For instance, overloading them with details. Or saying stuff like "we got pregnant so fast!" or "we got pregnant on the first try!" or "it feels so awesome and special to be pregnant, like nothing I've ever felt before", etc. I've heard variations of all of those things before, and it can sting if you're having T-TTC

Bring up your friend's difficulties. I had one friend who was having T-TTC, and her BFF got pregnant. When her BFF called to tell her, the BFF said to my friend "I know this must be so awkward for you, but I'm pregnant!" My friend said she felt like punching her BFF, not celebrating. If your friend is having trouble, they don't need you to state the obvious by bringing it up -- even if you think you're being empathetic. If your friend mentions it herself, don't ignore it, but don't dwell on it either. Just say something like "I'm sure it will happen for you guys soon. You both are such deserving parents!"