How young is it ok to CIO?

spappy

Let me start by saying, that I personally think that the CIO method needs to wait untill the LO is older. Like, 5 or 6mo +. NOT 2 weeks old.

 However, after our pedi appt today, I wonder what everyone else thinks. He told us at night, to change, feed, burp her(in the dark, with little light, no talking etc) , then lay her down and to not pick her back up.

ummmm. No thank you? I think she's WAY too little. Dh doesn't. He listens to the pedi religiously.

Normally, I love Dr. J. but I can't help but strongly disagree 

But I would like some of your opinions, and links/sources of places that support waiting.

Thanks!

 

KaliBali04

I'm clueless...what is CIO?

spappy

Cry it out.

Pretty much it's used to break bad sleep habits and/or to let the LO learn how to sooth themselves.

hterry85

I'm with you, I think it is way too young. And our DD is 6 weeks. Unfortuately DH disagrees, so nights are tough.

ecoppins

Cry It Out

As for the op's pedi recommendations, it doesn't sound too out of line, if your lo is sleepy. Ours nurses without waking, and can be put straight back in bed without crying. I even change her diaper between sides bc she is too sleepy to nurse on the other side unless I rouse her a little.  

I wouldn't let her cio until she is older like 5-6 mos, but I doubt we will have to do that with this one. We did it with dd1, at 8 months bc she slept for a max of 45 minutes without waking at night.  

KaliBali04

Oh yes, DH is willing to let him cry much longer than I am.  I will let him cry a few minutes, but then I will soothe him.  

spappy

ecoppins:

Cry It Out

As for the op's pedi recommendations, it doesn't sound too out of line, if your lo is sleepy. Ours nurses without waking, and can be put straight back in bed without crying. I even change her diaper between sides bc she is too sleepy to nurse on the other side unless I rouse her a little.  

I guess I should have clarified.

He told us to lay her down and not pick her back up. If she cries, let her cry untill she falls asleep.

I just don't feel that it's right and Dh disagrees with me so I'm trying to find some info about it.

 

jacodi

CIO at 2 weeks?  Are you freaking kidding me?  To take a phrase from a fellow bumpie, 'they are still practically a fetus'.

Culkinator54

At 2 weeks old babies have no idea how to self soothe or put themselves back to sleep.  If she is awake enough to cry after being fed, changed, burped, it's because she can't get herself back to sleep. 

I personally won't enforce CIO unless I absolutely have to, and not before 5-6 months.

grapeape73

I personally don't think crying it out is appropriate until closer to 1 year.  

We bed share because that is the only way LO will sleep for more than an hour or two.  My ped (whom I really like) suggested letting her cry.  I just looked at him and said no thank you.

My DH is the same way with doctors until I pointed out that they don't know everything about everything.  He is much better about listening to me and the doctors.

Do what you feel is best.  Our DD slept with us until about 4 and a half months.  We transitioned her to the crib, and she did great.  She is the best sleeper.  

justrachet

I wouldn't CIO until 4 months or later. DS started falling asleep on his own around 8 weeks old, but still sometimes needs to be rocked to sleep. If he's not crying, we'll put him to bed awake and let him fall asleep on his own, but if he starts crying, I'll pick him up and rock him to sleep.

link.

spappy

jacodi:

CIO at 2 weeks?  Are you freaking kidding me?  To take a phrase from a fellow bumpie, 'they are still practically a fetus'.

This is how I feel. I just don't know how to get Dh to see it that way. =[

 

AtlJuneBride

I also think that 2 weeks is too young, but was told by a pedi nurse that you can start the CIO method that young, just don't let them cry for more than 5 min at a time.  DD is a little over 2 months and I let her CIO during the day when I know she's okay and just doesn't want to let herself nap.  I never hold out longer than 3 minutes though, then I sooth her.  I do it 3 times and if after the 3rd time she's not asleep I'll pick her up.  It works some of the time.  At 3 months we will do full CIO though.

grapeape73

Human mammals are the most underdeveloped mammal at birth.  They are totally dependent on you for everything.  At birth their brain is only 25% that of the adult human.  They don't possess the ability to understand/comprehend what you are doing by letting them CIO.  Their only form of communication is the most basic, crying.  They are trying to let you know that they need something even if it is just to be held.  That is a need. 

It is my personal belief, but my job as a parent is to meet all of my baby's needs now.  They have no coping skills at this point and letting them CIO until they fall asleep is cruel to me. They are basically giving up on you helping them and falling asleep from exhaustion.  

sarahmae8

I am not sure exactly how I feel about CIO, but here is what we do. We get DS ready for bed between 9 and 10. I bathe him, read to him, and nurse him. Usually he is super sleepy at that point so I swaddle him and lay him down, whether he is awake or not. I leave the room and turn the monitor on. Usually he can just fall right to sleep, but sometimes, he begins to fuss. I let him fuss until he is crying. Now, is that letting him CIO? I don't think so. If he begins to actually cry, then I go in the room, make sure he has his paci, shush him and pat his tummy until he is calm and leave again. That is usually enough to get him to fall asleep and stay asleep.

As far as what your pedi says, I def think 2 weeks is too young but there is some truth to if you have done everything then maybe the only thing LO needs are a few extra kisses and snuggles.

Bubbalini

grapeape73:

Human mammals are the most underdeveloped mammal at birth.  They are totally dependent on you for everything.  At birth their brain is only 25% that of the adult human.  They don't possess the ability to understand/comprehend what you are doing by letting them CIO.  Their only form of communication is the most basic, crying.  They are trying to let you know that they need something even if it is just to be held.  That is a need. 

It is my personal belief, but my job as a parent is to meet all of my baby's needs now.  They have no coping skills at this point and letting them CIO until they fall asleep is cruel to me. They are basically giving up on you helping them and falling asleep from exhaustion.  

This.  I can't believe anyone thinks it is ok to let a 2 week old (or 4 week, or 6 week, etc.) cry for even 3 minutes without trying to soothe them.  I do not let my LO cry without soothing her immediately unless I am on the toilet (and even then I feel awful).  When a newborn cries it is because they need something whether it is food, a diaper change or just someone to hold them and make them feel secure.

redness4

CIO is the Ferber method.  He wrote a book that I would highly suggest reading before trying it.  My experience is that his methods are often mischaracterized on these boards.  For instance, he does not say to employ the methods at 2 weeks, nor does he say to put them down and just allow them to cry non-stop until they fall asleep.  There is a process.  I didn't need to use CIO with my 2yo DD, but found the book very helpful in educating me on normal vs abnormal sleep.  For what it's worth, our pedi told us at my son's the 2wk appt to go ahead and put him down while he is drowsy but not yet asleep to begin mild sleep training.  However, he told us to go ahead and pick him up if he started to cry.  I would be very leery of a pedi who told me to let my 2 wk old CIO.

aocain02@yahoo.com

If I let my baby CIO, I'd be crying too.  They are way too young right now for that.  He doesn't even know how to soothe himself yet.  I don't know how young is too young since DS is my first but we will just play it by ear.

jenny1980

Babies can't self soothe until 4-6 months. So until that point, all they are "learning" is that mama doesn't respond to their cries/needs.

 

mrsfox1369

I accidently let LO cry it out once. I was in the middle of putting the dogs outside on their leashes and Roufus, my big chow/husky mix, pulled me down the stairs and into a puddle of mud, need less to say I had to clean up real quick because my clothes and my hands were covered and I was not going to pick her up like that... she had been fed, changed, and burped which is why I was tending to the dogs and literally as I finished pulling on a clean shirt she was out like a light. I'm not actually sure why she was crying I went to check on her, but she only cried for maybe 7-8 minutes tops and I felt horrible about it and I did peek my head in to make sure something wasn't covering her face or something bad was going on but there was no way I was going to hold her when I was covered in wet mud... After that I kind of let her fuss a little bit and she'll usually knock herself out but once she starts to cry or she fusses for more than 4-5 minutes I'll pick her up.

mavilabride

Colds, fevers, teething, infections, etc = medical

Sleeping, when to eat, how to introduce food, etc. = parenting

Taking your pedi's advice on when to CIO is the same exact thing as taking any other parent's advice on here or anywhere else.  When to CIO is a parenting decision.

The purpose of CIO is to teach your LO how to self soothe back to sleep.  Their is research that supports that LOs younger than 4 months of age do not have the ability to soothe themselves to sleep.

Will a 1 month old that is left to CIO fall asleep? Yes.  He/She will.  But he/she will fall asleep out of exhaustion from crying not because he/she has learned how to soothe.

There are parents that make the decision to CIO younger than 4 months and who swear by it.  Their kid, their choice.  My advice is just as valid as your pedi's advice and it would be to research other more age appropriate methods to help LO sleep.  Don't focus so much on STTN because babies this young are not wired to STTN.  Change your routine so that you sleep more effectively when LO is sleeping.

spappy

MrsJulieT:

Babies can't self soothe until they are 3 months old.

Your pedi may have been giving you advise about how to help your LO stay asleep during the night although the not picking her back up part seems to point to CIO.

I do know as a first time parent I was way to quick to pick up my DS. The first squeak I would grab him. Now with DD I wait for a few minutes to see if the noise is her settling back down or if she really is going to start fussing. Most of the time she's just getting comfy again and falls asleep.

I get the quiet, no light, etc part, and I have been really trying to not jump on her after every noise. I just can't let her cry herself to sleep. That sucks to do when you're an adult, so why is ok to do as an infant? That's just the way I keep looking at it.

Thanks everyone for your input. Now to convince Dh. Wish me luck.

ablou

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I do suggest reading the Baby Whisperer.  She talks about different methods and presents her own in a wonderful format.  Her methods have worked wonders for us.  Our dude has been STTN for a couple of weeks now, and we haven't had to CIO. 

MattysGirl81

jacodi:

CIO at 2 weeks?  Are you freaking kidding me?  To take a phrase from a fellow bumpie, 'they are still practically a fetus'.

Uh, yeah.  Seriously, if my pedi told me that I would have found a new pedi that day.  A week old baby has just barely gotten over the trauma of being born and is used to being "held" 24/7 in the womb.  Of course he/she is going to have some sleep issues!  Please, cuddle your tiny baby.  That's what he/she needs.  

This freaking makes me sick. 

ToledoDeux

spappy:

jacodi:

CIO at 2 weeks?  Are you freaking kidding me?  To take a phrase from a fellow bumpie, 'they are still practically a fetus'.

This is how I feel. I just don't know how to get Dh to see it that way. =[

 

This is not something I would compromise on.  Even if H disagreed with me, he couldn't stop me from picking up my baby when she cries.

Peds should not be giving parenting advice like this.  It's really disturbing, since a lot of people (like your H) follow their recommendations like gospel.  They're medical doctors; nothing more.

Frankly, I'd find a new ped, and tell the office why.

eortman

As someone with training in early childhood I would have to say 2 weeks is way to young to let them cry it out.  It is important for a child's emotional well-being to respond to their cries. It becomes appropriate to let them cry it out when they have learned cause and effect (for example, when dropping a toy and having you pick it up becomes a game for them) which can be at different ages depending on the child.

majors31

i can give you two recommendations

get the book Happiest Baby on the Block OR google the 4th trimester.  The Happiest Baby on the Block was a good read, if for nothing else the information on what they call the 4th trimester.

and

do some research on CIO methods.  even Ferber doesn't advocate the use of his method until 4 months - 6 months.

good luck.