Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
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(NTR) I need some encouragement that things are going to get better...

I know I've posted my "sob story" on here before.  I've been trying really hard to hold my head up and think positively, but today I'm having a very "down" day.  DH was laid off at the beginning of the year.  Five days later we found out I'm PG with #2.  (DS will be 2 in May.)  It's been 2.5 months, and DH has only had one interview, no offers, although he's applied for just about everything he can find.  He's been making comments about how he's got nothing to do, is bored, etc.  But yet, when I give him the list of things that need to be done at home (anything from a load of laundry to re-organizing a closet), he complains and doesn't do it.  He says he's tired of being "unemployed", and I'm sure he is.  Hell, I'm sick of it.  He isn't doing much at home, and the things he does do, I have to practically beg him to do them, which means he gets ticked at me.

My mom keeps DS the four days I work.  She's still keeping him through this in hopes of giving DH the time/space he needs to look for a job.  Plus, she takes him to music lessons and a few other weekly events, so we don't want to mess up his routine.  I know it's wearing on her to have him in the house all day.  She gets frustrated because she sees him sitting around doing nothing all day, then sees me busting my @ss all evening when I get home from a 10 hour work day.

This is all so stressful.  It's really wearing me down.  I love DH, but I'm getting so frustrated.  And I really hate it, but the thought has crossed my mind to give him some kind of ultamative about finding work and pulling his own weight, or getting out.  I don't want to do that, and never would, but it makes me depressed to know that the thought has even crossed my mind.

If you've made it this far, thanks... I just had to vent because all I want to do is curl up and cry.  Or leave work to go home and tell him off.  Ugh.

Re: (NTR) I need some encouragement that things are going to get better...

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    I'm sure he's dealing with a lot of the emotions that come with being laid off, but he needs to step it up. He either takes the first job that comes along, even if it's mcdonalds, or he starts helping around the house and with your DS. There is NO reason for your mom to keep him everyday, even doing 2 days a week would be enough...that woudl give your DH 2 solid days for interviews, resume work, etc.

    I'm sure he's 'down', but he's an adult and needs to get over it.

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    Do you and your hubs talk about him being out of work and how that makes him feel? I ask b/c I know a lot of people out of work with this economy and a lot of them get into this sort of depression. They feel worthless which in turn makes them do less and less. I am not saying he has any excuses, just throwing that out there. I would not take it. If he is out of work he would be doing all the house work or at least watching lo.
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    I wouldn't say give him an ultimatum to shape up or get out, but I WOULD sit down with him and have a very frank conversation with him about the fact that he needs to be looking for a job while you are at work, or he needs to be pulling his weight around the house/with your DS while you are at work.  Let him know that is it affecting you negatively and it's starting to wear on your mother as well.  Y'all definitely do not need to lose your childcare as well.  
     
    Good luck with your situation and I hope your DH finds a job soon!  Is there no type of job that he could get in the mean time - like even working at Lowe's or Home Depot or something like that?   
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    (hugs)  My DH was laid off a year ago Nov.  He's watching DS full time now and does some freelance stuff when I'm home, but it has been a struggle getting to a place where I'm ok with it. 

    Can you tell your DH to take the job search like a serious job - calling places w/ contacts, or places that may be appropriate for his skills?  My DH is stubborn, so I get that - it's a pain when it's used towards negative ends.  

    I hope it gets better - he most definitely SHOULD be pulling his weight around the house!  Even if he was employed, IMO. 

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    My DH was laid off 2 weeks before DS was born and was not back at work until DS was a year old.

    That meant he stayed home with DS when i went back to work and he was trying to find a job. DS was also very colicky. Things were rough for awhile. Lots of stress.

     DS was not sleeping well at night or during the day which made everything worse for DH. He never cleaned the house or did laundry b/c he was either taking care of DS or looking for a job. He became very depressed. It affects them when they cant provide for their family. He did not want to be a stay at home dad and was sort of forced into it. Granted he loved that special time with DS and he is a better dad for it but your DH is probably getting very down and like the previous poster sometimes when you are down you do less and less.

    I would try to sit down and talk to him about how he is feeling and how you are feeling and see if you can't work something out.

    But if he is not watching your LO and still doing nothing I would have to say something

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    I'm sorry to hear that.  DH and I just went through a similar situation.  He was laid off in December (3 weeks after we found out I was PG.)  He also went through a period where he would not do anything but sit at the computer all day.  I know some of that was spent job searching, but a lot also went to Fantasy basketball, FB, etc.  Every once in a while he would go to the grocery store or take DS to a class, but most of the time he sat on the couch with his laptop while my mom or I took care of DS.

    We sat down and worked out a schedule for him - Job searching for 2 - 3 hours in the morning, an hour or so of housework (dishes, laundry, etc.) and so on.  It really helped him organize his day.  I think he just needed some kind of guidence on what to do.  FWIW he also had plenty of time to do his other internet stuff during the day.

    He started a new job this week and it is such a relief. I hope your DH can find something soon.  Even if it's not his dream job, getting out of the house helps a ton. Hugs!

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    imagedjandkellen:
    I wouldn't say give him an ultimatum to shape up or get out, but I WOULD sit down with him and have a very frank conversation with him about the fact that he needs to be looking for a job while you are at work, or he needs to be pulling his weight around the house/with your DS while you are at work.  Let him know that is it affecting you negatively and it's starting to wear on your mother as well.  Y'all definitely do not need to lose your childcare as well.  
     
    Good luck with your situation and I hope your DH finds a job soon!  Is there no type of job that he could get in the mean time - like even working at Lowe's or Home Depot or something like that?   

    This is the route I would take as well.  Good luck!

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