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Parenting
Champagne & Cheesecake...
My sister took me out last night since she came if for a friends wedding. I went with her as her "date". Since we were all dressed up we went to a newish restaurant for a drink. She got us a bottle of champagne and cheesecake to share. In the middle of our treat she dropped the bomb.
Her and her dh are getting a divorce. 
I knew they were having a rough patch but didnt think it was this bad. They have been married 7.5yrs. She said she has been very unhappy for 5 of that. She is sad about it but more optimistic and ready to move on. She said she has cried about it for the past 5yrs so she is done with that. Her dh is pretty upset though. They dont have any kids so the only thing they have is the house and 4 cats. Sort of silly but they are going to have a hard time with one of the cats because they are both very attached to her. (first one they got)
Im just really shocked and sad. I didnt know what to say. She said not to feel like I cant ask her things or talk about it that she was fine. We are going away next weekend for my brothers birthday and I think her dh is still planning to go. They are still friendly and will continue to live together until they can each get settled and decide who stays/goes. They havent shared a bedroom for 2 yrs nor have they had sex for 2yrs. They have basically been room mates for a while anyways. Separate bank accounts as well.
Not really any point in this post other than venting. Im really upset about it. My gma was divorced, my mom and dad are divorced and now my sister and bil are getting divorced. I have no background or support in keeping a marriage together. Whenever dh and I have an argument and I talk to my mom about it she gets defensive towards him even if Im in the wrong and makes the most ridiculous comments and suggestions of things I should tell dh. UGH!
Oh and mil and fil are divorced as well. I have no friends that are in happy marriages either. Im really discouraged. Dh and I are having our own share of marriage problems and this just scares me. I love dh and dont want to end up divorced.
Ok...shutting up now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Champagne & Cheesecake...
It always unsettling to see the breakup of a marriage of someone close to you. Your sister seems to be handling as well as anyone can, though.
I know you didn't ask for advice but I am going to offer some, unsolicited. One part of your post jumped out at me:
This really should stop. Quit giving your mom the opportunity to make comments that are detrimental to your marriage. There is no good that will ever come from sharing a spousal disagreement with a parent.
I know. My sister has told me this before too. Im really close to my mom though and she can tell when Im mad/upset. Like last night. She watched the kids while we went to the wedding. We were out later than we were planning to be. I should have called dh to let him know but since my sis and I were having a rather serious talk I figured I could talk to him about it later. He called and I ignored the call. He text so I text back. That was fine for then.
We ended up have an argument over the phone while I was at my moms. She could hear me although I wasnt yelling.
She didnt even know what we were arguing about. I was in the wrong. I should have just called. But he knows I hate talking on the phone. I should still call him though.
She asked what he was so mad about. I simply said "he isnt mad, just upset that I didnt call to let him know I was going to be so late"
She said "I would tell him to leave me alone and that he doesnt need to know my every move."
I said "yeah, thats a great way to keep a marriage together." She then said "well, I just didnt know you were on a leash" I let it drop.
She is now asking my sister who is to blame. She has no idea how a relationship works.