Anyone have toddlers and then preemies?

SLM05

I will be joining you ladies soon, hopefully not until sometime in April!

My question is i have a 3 year old and when the boys arrive I want to spend lots of time at the NICU with them but also want to spend some time with DD as I have been on bedrest (in and out of the hospital) since January.

Just wondering if anyone had tips, ideas.

DH will be working most of the time, my MIL is coming to help but cannot be alone with DD due to some health problems.

Thanks for your advice.  I have been lurking for a while, trying to prepare myself for the NICU. Thanks!

iowagirl73

I have a toddler (full term) and then had a preemie (35wk, 5d and no time in the NICU).  My ILs were out and took care of DS1 until I was able to come home from the hospital.  They did bring him to the hospital each day I was there for maybe an hour each time.  Since DS2 wasn't in the NICU, I'm wasn't in the situation you will be in so I don't have tips at this point (sorry - just can't think of anything at the moment).

mcdev

Here was my situation...

Like you, I was on bedrest with my second pregnancy off and on the entire pregnancy.  Claire was 18 months old at the time and so desperately needed me.  Keira was born at 27 weeks and obviously was going to have a long NICU stay.  My entire family lives about 2 1/2 hours from me and my MIL, while willing to help the best she could, had health problems that made her somewhat undependable at times.  It was a stressful situation at best, but no matter how difficult, it is ONLY TEMPORARY and make sure you remind yourself of that daily.  There were many days I was only able to see Keira in the NICU after Claire was in bed or when DH would get home from work.  DH and I rarely got to visit Keira together because while one was at the NICU, the other was usually home with Claire.  There were some days I would have a friend watch Claire so that I could go either during the day or with DH.  There were some days I just couldn't go because I had Claire at home who reallly needed me.  It sucks.  No denying that and I don't envy the fact that you will soon be traveling down that path.  You can do it though.  If I did it for 90 days and didn't lose my mind, you can too!!!  GOOD LUCK!! 

ahava2005

I was put on bed rest at 20 weeks.  I had a 21 month old at the time.  Luckily we have a fantastic nanny and she kept him occupied.  When I was hospitalized it was pretty horrible for all of us, and he definitely did NOT react well...but I kept telling myself it was temporary.

 

My twin girls were born 10 weeks early and spent 2 months in the NICU.  I wanted to keep things as normal as possible with my son, who was then 23 months old.  His nanny kept up with his playdates and we brought him to the NICU a few times so he could see his sisters.  I went to the NICU during the day and spent the evenings with my son...we had dinner together and played together then.  On weekends my husband and I would take turns and spend a few hours in the NICU and the other would spend some 1-1 time with our son.

 Was it hard?  Yup.  Did I feel horribly guilty?  Definitely.  There wasn't enough of me to go around and I ended up having a horrible c-section recovery, ended up with an ulcer, and finally pneumonia.  So remember throughout all of that:  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO.  You will be recovering from bed rest, possibly a c-section (or at least birth), AND have a toddler and newborn.  They need you as healthy as you can be.

I'm now 2 months post all that and my son is great.  The girls are doing fine.  So remember that it is all temporary. 

Lavender444

I helps a lot if you have lots of help around. My Mom took my DD so I could go to  NICU and she had so much fun there I really don't think she missed me so that helped a lot with the guilt.

Now that DS is home we are stuck inside a lot hiding out from RSV so once a week or so my Mom takes DS so I can spend some one on one time with DD and get her out of the house.We mainly pick a nice day and go for walks, to the park or when I'm feeling brave to the Childrens museum and do the best I can to stop germs from coming home.

It is hard. It will help that your toddler is a little older, but with three coming you are going to have your hands full. my advice is always accept help when it is offered. I was never one to take help before, but with a preemie friends and family have been a God send!

JSORIANO

when DS was in the NICU I would leave DD with my inlaws from 7 am to 3 pm them we would go home and i would spend all evening with her. it was hard but i needed to have everyone on a schedule her and i both.