"all I want is a healthy baby..."

earthycrunchymama

I've seen people extremely upset about gender followed by responses of: they don't care if they have a boy or a girl, all they want is a healthy baby...

I know there is a lot of "gender disappointment" from time to time, but not everyone gets a "healthy baby" either. some of us might have mild health issues, others will be dealing with congenital abnormalities, genetic  diseases, learning disabilities, etc.

 I'm just wondering: do some of you view having an "unhealthy" baby as a disappointment? of course I would hope we all WANT a healthy kid, but the comments I've seen regarding wanting a healthy baby (not just here) make me wonder if a kid with special needs is somehow a "disappointment" to some.

I don't want to get flamed or start a fight, I'm just sincerely curious about peoples thoughts on this... 

Oriana.Ocampo

I want a healthy baby, but I will take whatever I can get.

CAMbaby10

We are some of the lucky ones and LO looks perfectly healthy. However, I wouldn't see it as a disappointment if she had a disease or disability - I think it would be more of a worry about how it would affect her in life. I wouldn't love her any less if she wasn't healthy.

Besides, even if she is healthy at birth, there are no guarantees.

dureem

I always kind of took as a saying. Like you stated in your post, of course I want a healthy baby but even if my baby was not "healthy" I would love her all the same. At the end of the day, it is still my child and I will love her no matter what.

melzer14

That actually is a good question....my opinion on it is...I noticed I do say that and if my child were to be "unhealthy" I would not be "disappointed" we would just take it one day at a time. I am just hoping for a healthy child because I think all mothers hope for that....hope I made sense lol

angelnumber8

I believe any baby is a blessing.I had a son born with a chromosome problem and he taught me so much.My love was no different for him, I was scared but not disappointed at all.Everyone prays for a healthy baby,no one wants to see a baby in pain and I'm sure everyone on here will rise to any occassion and step up and be happy that they were blessed with a special child.

KelzinBoston

I hope for a healthy baby...but it's not disappointment if they're not.  My son was born with a slew of issues (most of them we were able to resolve, but he does have a genetic metabolic disorder that thankfully he's largely asymptomatic for, but might have some hospital stays throughout his life because of it).  It wasn't a disappointment at all, in fact we found out about it and just moved forward from there.  I rarely even think about it, he's just my son and that's that.  This baby also has a 1/4 chance of having the same disorder (but will likely have similar symptoms as DS if they do).  We were offered genetic counseling/testing...but didn't see a reason.  We wanted more kids, we wanted to have them together,  wouldn't abort a baby with the disorder, so why bother?

Ready2006

Everyone hopes for a healthy baby not to avoid disappointment, but because nobody wants their child to struggle. For me, it's the same as I would love and accept my child the same way if he/she were gay, but I would also be worried for them growing up in a world where acceptance varies regionally and culturally. (I'm not saying being gay is a disability, FYI, I'm drawing a comparison--I live in MA and believe in equal acceptance and rights for all, so no need to crack that can of worms).

If our child had a disability we would accept it with open arms and love it absolutely just the same, but I certainly don't wish for it (or even remain neutral on the subject) because it is harder.

augs06

Who wouldn't want a healthy baby?  I think it's protective instinct that comes with parenthood.  The nature of the unknown of the issues you listed, are not only scary for a new parent but that of the child enduring those set backs. 

Parenting a healthy child is difficult and stressful enough as is.  The wrench of delivering an "unhealthy" child without some warning would definitely be a shocker to most.  That doesn't mean I would love the child any less.

Dreamsicle23

I think it's just that a healthy baby, of either sex, it the best possible outcome of a pregnancy.  In any given situation, I (and I think others) would hope for the best possible outcome.  I don't think anyone wouldn't love their child if they had a health issue, but parents worry enough even if their children are perfectly healthy and so anything else is just more stress than necessary.

KelleyA

I want a healthy child, it's a precious thing that not everybody is given.  There's nothing wrong with hoping and praying for it.  I'll take a healthy boy or girl, the sex doesn't matter to me.  Healthy is the key.  Would I love an unhealthy kid any less, no.  I want for myself, my husband and my child to be healthy and that's not an unreasonable hope.

bstrangely

earthycrunchymama:

 I'm just wondering: do some of you view having an "unhealthy" baby as a disappointment? of course I would hope we all WANT a healthy kid, but the comments I've seen regarding wanting a healthy baby (not just here) make me wonder if a kid with special needs is somehow a "disappointment" to some.

I don't want to get flamed or start a fight, I'm just sincerely curious about peoples thoughts on this... 

i would say that i'd only be disappointed in so far as it makes my child's life harder, if that makes sense. in the same vein, i would worry if my teenager came out of the closet, not because i'd love them less or be disappointed, but because i know that there are many people who make the lives of gays and lesbians much harder. it would be one more thing to worry about. 

Celtic Ember

CAMbaby10:

We are some of the lucky ones and LO looks perfectly healthy. However, I wouldn't see it as a disappointment if she had a disease or disability - I think it would be more of a worry about how it would affect her in life. I wouldn't love her any less if she wasn't healthy.

Besides, even if she is healthy at birth, there are no guarantees.

This. I will love him no matter what, I just want him healthy so that his little life is easier.

slc2b

I definitely wouldn't say I would be "disappointed" with a baby that had health issues, but would say I hope for her to be as healthy as possible for her own sake, not mine necessarily.

earthycrunchymama

I just had a discussion with a good friend this morning about this statement which is why I asked...

Her second child was born with Down Syndrome, and she is in the process of adopting a child internationally with Down's as well. That child is 5 and was "unadoptable" because he had DS. She saw his photo online a week before he was getting transferred (due to age) to an institution for life and are trying to stall that to bring him here to the US.

A lot of my friends are dealing with "unhealthy" children. somehow people seem to think unhealthy = "not normal." really, they are just kids with different issues to overcome. Other kids may face something different - like being gay was mentioned. 

I'm just curious since I see this response so commonly. I also did foster care briefly for a child that was abandoned as a baby due to medical issues. and I worked in a group home of special needs kids - most were state-placed but some were that the parent didn't want to or couldn't deal with the childs needs. Plenty of people DO abandon kids because of being unhealthy. I don't know how "common" it is, I've just seen so much of it that it makes me wonder... 

I will say, that if a parent KNOWS they cannot handle a childs needs, I wouldn't look down on them for adopting the child to a family who could or doing long-term care. I had one single mom with 2 special needs kids and she couldn't meet both their needs on her own - physically or financially and had the sicker kid placed. BUT she was there 3-4 days a week to visit him and would spend hours - other parents simply "got rid" of the kid and we never saw the parents again.

 

Dobie_Mama

I wouldn't be disappointed with the baby, or disappointed for myself.  But I would be disappointed for my child that maybe his/her life wouldn't be as easy as that of an average "healthy" child.

I have health issues.  I have from the beginning.  I'm sure my parents didn't say, "Oh, she sucks.  I wish we'd gotten a healthy one!"  But I'm sure they do wish things had been easier.

Brookie-Cookie

Disappointed isn't the right word.  I would be scared I think if I found out that my baby had a disability of some sort.  But I know that we'd rise to the challenge.

Of course everyone wants a healthy baby.  We all want all babies to be born healthy.

micaelasmakeup

Well yes it would be a disappointment.  Not in the Aww man I didn't get what I wanted (pout, pout) sense of the word but in a way that you had done something to cause it or your baby would not have every advantage in life that a completely healthy child would have.  And maybe that isn't even right, it's just that every parent wants better for there child then they had so a unhealthy baby/ child would be devastating to any parent I would think.

MermaidNM

When we went for our ultrasound, I said all we were looking for was a healthy baby but that we would love our baby no matter what.  Everytime I had a test done at the doctor's office, it was the same.  We hope the baby is healthy but we will love him/her no matter what.  I think an unhealthy baby would be really tough but the only true dissappointment or more devistation is if the baby does not make it.

jko123

We were told when we were pregnant with DS that he was going to be born with a 'rare' CHD and advised to terminated. We didn't take the advice and he's still here and huge, and oddly the CHD he has isn't 'rare' at all! Finding out about it wasn't a disappointment at all...kind of a "OMG what did I do to cause this" sort of reaction but we weren't at all 'disappointed'. We spent the last 4-5 months of our last pregnancy scared to death.

I'll admit that I had a twinge of jealousy towards other women who delivered healthy babies that got to go home from the hospital a few days after they were born though, but that passed pretty quickly. This time...I can honestly say that ALL I wanted was a healthy baby!

Andys_Candy

Of course I would be disappointed if I didn't have a healthy baby....absolutely.  It's not the child's fault so I wouldn't be disappointed "in" him/her obviously but...yes I would be really sad and disappointed that I wasn't having a healthy child.  I would for sure love them the same as my others, I think that goes without saying.  Then again, I thought everyone would be somewhat disappointed if they knew their child had health issues or physical problems...guess I was wrong! 

jko123

jko123:

We were told when we were pregnant with DS that he was going to be born with a 'rare' CHD and advised to terminated. We didn't take the advice and he's still here and huge, and oddly the CHD he has isn't 'rare' at all! Finding out about it wasn't a disappointment at all...kind of a "OMG what did I do to cause this" sort of reaction but we weren't at all 'disappointed'. We spent the last 4-5 months of our last pregnancy scared to death.

I'll admit that I had a twinge of jealousy towards other women who delivered healthy babies that got to go home from the hospital a few days after they were born though, but that passed pretty quickly. This time...I can honestly say that ALL I wanted was a healthy baby!

 

I just went back and re-read this...and totally used the word "terminated" instead of to terminate...whoa bad grammar! I type faster than I think!!

cowboys2009

 Why wouldn't I want a healthy baby? Of course I won't love her any less if something is wrong with her and we would deal with it, but I'm not going to walk around saying "eh. healthy or unhealthy, a baby is a baby!" This seems silly to suggest people can't express the desire to have a healthy baby.

ColieJ

earthycrunchymama:

I've seen people extremely upset about gender followed by responses of: they don't care if they have a boy or a girl, all they want is a healthy baby...

I know there is a lot of "gender disappointment" from time to time, but not everyone gets a "healthy baby" either. some of us might have mild health issues, others will be dealing with congenital abnormalities, genetic  diseases, learning disabilities, etc.

 I'm just wondering: do some of you view having an "unhealthy" baby as a disappointment? of course I would hope we all WANT a healthy kid, but the comments I've seen regarding wanting a healthy baby (not just here) make me wonder if a kid with special needs is somehow a "disappointment" to some.

I don't want to get flamed or start a fight, I'm just sincerely curious about peoples thoughts on this... 

Yes, in all honesty I would be disappointed.  I would feel like a failure that I did something even though it wouldn't be rational.  With my last m/c there was no testing done so I don't know if it was something genetic or what. 

You also didn't specify how unhealthy.  To me this is kinda like asking if someone is disappointed after a miscarriage.

Would I be disappointed if my child had DS, yes but just that their life would be a little harder.  It would be in the situation and not disappointment in the child.  Would I be disappointed if my child had trisomy 18 or something else life-threatening, absolutely.  I don't understand how someone could not be disappointed.

The definition of disappointed is "to fail to fufill the expectations or wishes of".  I want a healthy baby, but being disappointed if that doesn't happen doesn't mean I would love the baby any less.  That disappointment doesn't have to lead to negative feelings towards the baby.

mysticporter

Having an unhealthy baby would be disappointing.  I was disappointed when I learned I had Grave's Disease, and it's a relatively minor health issue.  The child would not be a disappointment.  It's a subtle, but extremely important distinction, and I think it's the one that's shared by a lot of people.