My Nanny is a Better Mommy than I am
OK I suppose she isnt really but that is how I have been feeling today!
I WAH but have rearranged my schedule so I only work 2 days a week. Needless to say they are a busy two days since I run a non-profit organization.
So about two months ago we bit the bullet and hired an amazing nanny so I could continue to WAH. She is so fabulous- literally spends every second entertaining/teaching/attending to S. Now I know that is what I pay her to do but sometimes it is hard to take when I dont do that 100% of the time for my child the other days of the week.
I put S down to play happily on her own and check emails, blogs and the bump. I will talk on the phone occasionally when someone calls while we are on walks. I go to Mommy groups and let her explore the new surroundings and play with the other babes.
Granted, I was a nanny so I know that I am being a bit crazy but I cant help but feel sometimes like our nanny is taking better care of S than I do! I guess I am trying to figure out the balance of all of this and my emotions!
Re: My Nanny is a Better Mommy than I am
Aww, it is hard, but look at it this way. If you weren't a fabulous mommy you wouldn't have taken the time to find someone who can take fabulous care of your LO.
I think all working moms have moments when they think their LO might like their daytime caregiver more then them, but of course it's not true. I just remind myself if that's what I'm worrying about then I am very lucky indeed.
I know what you mean... I work from home 5 days/week for 6.5 hours/day, and we have had a nanny for just over a year. My little one has a ball with her and learns so much from her, but she still wants me at the end of my work day. And, she doesn't seem to miss her nanny when it's the weekend or when we go on vacation.
Basically, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've had the same thoughts, but I have realized that baby thinks the nanny is awesome, but nothing can change the fact that I/you are MOM.
remember her job is to be a nanny- just as i would consider it inappropriate to take personal phone calls at work( i used to teach) or check the bump then i would say she takes her job seriously,
but being a mom is more than a "job" you don't get to go home at the end of the night- you are the one waking up a at night. sometimes i feel bad that i am on the phone with people and really i should do a better job of not doing this, but i don't think this makes me a bad mom
We are in the process of looking for a nanny for ds or daycare right now. I want a nanny but I am afraid of this exact situation. If we had a nanny we would be allowing them to go to parks, playgroups ect and Im afraid he will have way too much fun and not miss me! It is definetly hard to find that balance but I dont think anyone can ever replace your mom you know?
she might be more engaging/interactive/educational during that short period of time, but that's becuase it's a set amount of time and she's paid for it. she's maximizing that time. no one could keep that up 24/7 - believe me! you need a break, LO needs a break, some down time is just fine.
further, she's a paid person who interacts and cares for your child. I'm sure your child has lots of fun with her, but she doesn't love your child like you do. and your LO knows you love her like a mommy loves their baby. LO loves you like a baby loves their mommy - not the same as a nanny.
during-the-day nanny =/= mother, no matter how fabulous she is ;-P
though you are a fabulous mother for finding a fabulous nanny!
A big "Yeah That!" to all of this.
If I only interacted with my kids for 16-20 hours a week, I could be ON for 100% of that time too. But when I put my kids down, I don't then get to step out and meet friends for drinks, I usually don't get to sleep through the night. When you never clock out, you have to conserve your energy. Also, when you never clock out, you have to figure out how to shower and poop and do laundry while you handle the kids.
And further to these excellent points made by others, some of the stuff you describe (like letting your child explore at playgroups) is stuff that good parents really are supposed to do.
I was a nanny too, and I sometimes feel like I took better care of those kids than I do my DS.
But guess what--that was my job. I was paid to entertain them all day long. And at the end of the day I got to go home, change into clean clothes, eat dinner, take a shower uninterrupted, and do whatever I pleased. On weekends I got to go out and have FUN. I got to do GROWN-UP things that allowed me to recharge and have the energy to be go-go-go all day with those kids.
Yes, being a mom is my job and I love it. But I don't get to go home at 6 pm. I don't get weekends off. So of course sometimes I need to take a little mental break.
You're her mom and you don't get time-off from that job. Sometimes you might need to do other things. Don't feel bad about that.