F/U to partner jealousy post: Dh's involvement

emmavenus77

Got me thinking. Both dh and I work full time, well he does more like 12 hour days. He's an attorney and has nasty billable hours. So he gets home at 9pm. Is it realistic to expect him to take over caring for LO? He will def want to be involved but I will feel really guilty making him wake up in the middle of the night when he works so hard. I'm just curious how others with similar schedules handle this.

jamielollar

My husband and I both work 10+ hour days.  He is a coach so during seasons he works ALOT.  I am going to feel giulty if he ever gets up with the baby; but that's the way that I am.  I like to do everything.  I know that he will not mind at all though.  Unless I am just plain exhausted and unable to move (which will probablyhappen), I may ask him to help out that night. 

Wendy525

That's something you and your husband need to discuss and come to an agreement to before the baby arrives. If you don't discuss it, it could lead to resentment, disappointment, and other issues. If he wants to be completely involved, he may have to dial down his hours for a while. Nobody has limitless reserves of energy. If he cannot get away from him work, you will need to realize that you will be doing most of it on your own.

The Future Mrs. Rhodus

I'm wondering the same thing... except right now I'm not working. But plan on going back to school when the baby is born. DF owns his own business and works from the time he wakes up in the morning at 6 am until 9 at night. Don't think there is going to be much "equal" involvement.

smbckr2

DH is planning to take a week off after our LO arrives. We will both do the night shift at first. Then I will be off an extra 5 weeks, so I will get up at night alone probably. Then after I am back to work, we plan to do an every other night thing. That way you get one good night's sleep every other night.

emeraldtea

 

I work P/T from home, I am not sure how we would do it if I worked F/T. My husband leaves for work about 6 am, and doesnt return till 6 pm during the week. We were remodeling our house during our DD's birth, so for the first 6 months of her life he wouldn't get home till about 10-ish pm. At first I tried to keep her awake so that he could spend time with her, but it was affecting her quantity of sleep, so he simply missed out. I was nursing so of courseI did the midnight feedings. On the weekends he takes over and lets me sleep in.

MrsH44

DH will be taking care of LO full time for us, but I think if it were me I would get up with LO the majority of the time and only ask for help when I really needed it.

JhawkCE

If you both work full time and you're doing all the baby work until he gets home I do think it's reasonable to expect him to help.  My sister and her husband split the duties.  She tries to feed the baby and if that doesn't work he is in charge of the overnight diaper changes and the walking around if needed.

My husband and I will do the same unless he's on call.  I'm sympathetic to the fact that he may have just gotten home in the middle of the night or may have to go in at 3 am.  If he's not on call though he's on poop duty.  

renc9828

We have a similar situation but instead he gets up at five and leaves for work by 5:30. Then he doesn't get home until 5 or 5:30. That makes for really long days so I am not sure how our future schedule will go.

Dobie_Mama

JhawkCE:

My sister and her husband split the duties.  She tries to feed the baby and if that doesn't work he is in charge of the overnight diaper changes and the walking around if needed.

This is what we did.  I would nurse DD and, if she wouldn't nurse down, DH would get up with her, change her, walk her, wear her, swing her, whatever she needed to get back to sleep.  He also basically took over her bath/pre-bed routine.

DIYbride07

This is what workd for us: I was the only one to get up with DS while I was on leave (unless he was completely inconsolable and then DH would get up to see if he could help).  I'm an excellent napper so I was able to nap when DS napped during the day so it wasn't bad at all.  After we were both back to work FT, we took turns every night.

I have friends who trade nights - one night he gets up with their son, the next night she gets up.

I think you'll have to wait til LO arrives and see what works for you guys!  Good luck!

tarebear9891

My husband and I both work FT and with our first we took turns getting up with the baby. Something like that might work for you.

KellyD01

DH works FT, I stay home. When DS was tiny DH woke almost everytime at night until he started STTN. DH would change his diaper and then hand him to me to feed, or I'd change the diaper while DH got a bottle once we started bottles. This was his choice since I was on my own so much during the days. Once DS started STTN I would get up if DS stirred, because usually he just wanted some mama cuddles and would go right back to sleep, w or w/o a bottle. I started having some health problems last fall that makes it hard for me to get up and move immediately upon waking. So if DS wakes DH goes and gets him. This usually means DS spends the rest of the night in bed w/ us, because I feel too guilty to wake DH again just to have him put back in his crib.