Completely flammable baby shower vent.

koat

My girlfriend called me a couple months ago to say that she wanted to plan my baby shower, and didn't want MIL to get in the way (MIL took over planning my bridal shower from this friend and it really upset her).  She wanted advice on how to handle it, etc.  Everything was all good.

She's since gotten engaged and I'm in her wedding.  I'm planning her bachelorette and bridal shower.  I've asked her when she wants both of these events to be held and what kind of b-lette and shower she wants, locations, guest lists, etc.

Now, I guess I kind of expected her to ask me for some input about the baby shower like what dates work for me, a guest list, etc.  Personally, I'm not a fan of the traditional shower and would rather a co-ed BBQ/get together (though I will be very grateful for whatever is thrown for us).  She hasn't asked for any of that...

I'm not due till July 9th, but there's a good chance of having a c-section or the baby coming early on it's own.  I'd rather not have the shower in June.

I'm assuming March is out, we're halfway through already and I haven't heard anything.  This leaves April and May.  Out of the weekends there, I already have 6 that are filled with other obligations.

I want to ask her about it, but I don't want to be rude...then again, it'd be pretty crappy to get my invitation and it be on a day that we have commitments already.  Or to be invited to her place for "dinner" and decline when that was the day she'd planned to surprise me.

Also, if she isn't planning one, I've had a number of other friends and my mother ask me if there's one being planned.  I've told them all that I understand there's one being planned, but no one seems to know anything about it.

I know a shower isn't a right...and I wouldn't be venting about this if she hadn't been so adament that she be the one to plan it. 

Sigh.

LCB34

Send her an e-mail and telling her your dates and filling up quick and let her know what weekends are available.

She has already offered - now y'all just to firm up plans.

 

LoveMyPEguy

I understand your frustrations and I don't think you're out of line. If it were me, I just confront her. Explain to her the reasons you want it in April or May and give her the days you are available. Then nicely ask her to tell you the date that is decided so you don't make other committments. I personally am not a fan at all of surprises, so I know basically everything about my shower and my hostess is ok with that. I would just talk to her.

Just_Jenn

i would just ask her - say, "hey, can you just let me know the date of the shower so I can make sure I keep that day clear on my calendar? We have a ton of stuff going on over the next few months."

If she tells you the date, then you can follow up and say "great, let me know if you need anything from my end, like people's addresses or whatever" and that can open the door to her possibly getting your opinions on things.

If she says "um, how am I supposed to know?", well, then you have your answer about whether she's still planning one or not!

I would definitely do this right away - since you have so many other folks asking about it and possibly interested in throwing one or helping out, you can let them know that the first one fell through.

max1563

You are completely right to talk to her about it.  You are going out of your way to plan her parties, and she was so adamant about planning yours, you have every right to bring it up.

I think you have waited long enough, and have been overly patient.  Call her or email her.  

 

koat

Thanks for the input guys. 

I'll be seeing her this week, I'll just come out and ask her about it, using some of your suggestions.

princess_shelly

Just like the other posters said, I'd drop her a note letting her know your calendar is filling up, and that you would like to firm up dates and give her some guests addresses that are a must invite, and let her know if there is any sort of particular theme you want to go with (perhaps to match the nursery), like say the baby's nursery is going to be zoo animals, so I thought we could carry that over into the shower.  Stuff like that.  Not being demanding or pushy, just a suggestion!

Hope it works out for you!

sleepyocean

I'd let her know that lots of people are asking about your shower, and let her know that you have a lot planned in the next couple months, even flat out ask if she is still interested in throwing it now that she has a lot going on with wedding planning (maybe she is looking for a way out?).  A baby shower is not a right, but it's a wonderful time to celebrate with family and friends and if there are others who would want to throw one for you then they should be allowed the opportunity to do so.  My son came ten weeks early and I didn't end up having a baby shower at all.  To this day I feel like I missed out on celebrating my baby and it makes me sad, and I live far away from family and friends with this baby so I know there won't be a shower this time around either.  I don't think it's wrong for you to want to have a shower and want to know for sure that there will be one, especially if there are others that would throw it for you if she isn't feeling like taking on the responsibility anymore.  So I think you should check with her!

koat

zukolivie:

First - I don't think this is flame worthy.  :>)

I'd send her a quick email and say something easy like, here are the weekends that I can't do my shower on...just wanted to let you know.

Could she be in cahoots with your DH and planning something that is a total surprise?

Ha, thanks. 

She could be, but I doubt it.  (a) He promised to tell me if he heard a date...I don't want to be surprised and (b) he's terrible at remembering our schedules.  I have to remind him a couple days before something's coming up.

Kimmy1836

I would just ask her about it. You won't know where her head is about it until you do and there is no point working yourself up over it. If she isn't going to be able to do it (for whatever reason) the sooner you know, the better.

samakasrc

I'd just start talking about how busy you're going to be for the next couple months... then be like "oh yeah, when were you planning to have my shower so i can get it on the calendar before I have no days left"  and see what happens... If she still won't spill, I'd just tell her you hope your available for the day she's planning your shower since you haven't had a date.

Michicuse

I would contact her. If she is too busy to throw one you will still have time to have your mom or another friend plan one.

HBaylies

She's your friend.  She prob won't see it as rude if you shott her an email about some updates ot give her a call.  Would you be offended if she needed some details on her events?  Prob not.  Friends are usually pretty easy going about that stuff.  It's the family that usually brings up drama.

Chickpea2010

LCB34:

Send her an e-mail and telling her your dates and filling up quick and let her know what weekends are available.

She has already offered - now y'all just to firm up plans.

 

I had to do this just today. My friend took it really well - I was afraid I sounded obnoxious.

koat

She actually called tonight about other stuff, and we ended up talking about it.  Yay!

Looks like it'll either be the 8/9th of May or the following weekend.  I asked her if she needed any input or a guest list or ideas on dates, etc. and she said she did.  Phew.  I'm glad it went well.

Thanks guys!