worrying/coping

JJ1973

Hi everyone,

This is my first pregnancy and I'm closing in on the mid-way point. I feel so lucky to be here. To give some context, I've known a couple people who have had late miscarriages/still-births. One was my sister-in-law who lost twins at 23-25 weeks (one at 23 weeks and the other at 25 weeks). That was following a long period of infertility and in vitro attempts. I'm the only of my siblings to enter this world of pregnancy successfully, so far. I hadn't even really planned on having a child until the past year and after we made the decision, I almost immediately got pregnant (we're talking two weeks). I'm 37 and have a very successful career I love. I really didn't expect to be here, but I'm so happy I am.

Now that I'm at the mid-way point, I'm finally committed to the idea that this all might work out for us...I'm excited and scared shitless all at the same time. I think prior to now, I had my defenses up and hadn't yet had the ultrasound and movement bonding experiences...and I've only really started to show in the past week. I also had tons of distractions at work, which are now simmering down.

Having seen people experience such awful things, I've had a habit to remind myself that this all isn't a given. There are times (albeit more rare at this point) when things go terribly wrong. At the end of the day, this is about very complex biological processes and as much as we do everything in our control to create a healthy life, there are things well beyond our control.

The problem is, I keep thinking about these things. I can't seem to get my mind off of it. I'm not obsessing and I'm not otherwise depressed, but I am having recurrent thoughts about this when I'm not distracted by work and everything else. I'm also having tons of happy thoughts (don't get me wrong), and those outweigh the scary. I guess, though, this mid-way point is some sort of strange milestone that is eliciting a lot of thinking on my part.

Am I alone in this? If you've experienced this at all, how have you coped?

Tattoo Mommy

I don't think I ever stopped worrying, still haven't stopped worrying about my first DD.  She's almost two, and I still check at night to make sure she's breathing.  I had a hard time recognizing that I deserved this miracle that I was being blessed with.  So I wrote it on my bathroom mirror--"We are deserving of this happiness". It is still there. Now I have a second miracle on the way, and even though I still worry, I have my daily (well, now that I'm pregnant, seems like at least hourly) affirmation to help me feel better.

MrserinJ

Welcome to parenthood I thought being pregnant with DS would be the most worried I ever was, but now that he's out and 2 years old, I continuously worry about him! I am an extreme worrier by nature (I have an anxiety disorder), so to not worry is a challenge for me. The trick is, its really a choice. Of course there are bad things that can happen, but those things are out of your control, so if everything works out great, you will be sad you wasted all that time worrying about it going wrong and not enjoying it.

I think finding a balance is key. Its not good to take everything for granted, but you need to enjoy this special time too. The thing that works for me is just reminding myself that its out of my control. Me worrying about things isn't going to stop bad things from happening (I used to convince myself if I was prepared for it, it wouldn't be that bad if it happened). Guess what? It is just as bad. My mom had breast canvcer 4 years ago and I worried about it coming back for 2 years, preparing myself for it. It DID come back and she passed away from it. It was horrible and I sure regret worrying about it for 2 years because it didn't help me deal any better. Does that make sense? Sorry if its off topic but I think it kind of relates to how you're feeling.

Really try to enjoy this time and not focus on the worst things that can happen. Its wonderful that you're not taking pregnancy for granted but you don't want to miss out on such a special time. H&H to you!

ougrad1

Were your SIL's twins identical or fraternal?  This scares the crap out of me.

Soon_2B_MrsM

Hey I feel you on the thoughts running through your head...I am constantly thinking too much, but we have to try to realize that these things are out of our control. Just keep working on being the best mommy-to-be and hopefully everything will turn out great!

Congrats and GL 

JJ1973

ougrad1:

Was your SIL's twins identical or fraternal?  This scares the crap out of me.

I'm sorry to have brought it up...they were fraternal. It is a very sad story that is still with our family.

ougrad1

JJ1973:

ougrad1:

Was your SIL's twins identical or fraternal?  This scares the crap out of me.

I'm sorry to have brought it up...they were fraternal. It is a very sad story that is still with our family.

: (

You probably won't stop worrying but, given history, your OB should be keeping a close eye on you.  Remember every pregnancy is different and what happens with one doesn't ever happen with another.  I'm in my later thirties as well and had a successful pregnancy with Emerson.  With what you have said, you really don't have anyhing to worry about.

I wish I could go back and erase the worrying I did with Emerson and just would have enjoyed it.  GL to you!

Luv2teach719

I am the same way!  I have major anxiety issues. I am constantly worrying about something. I was worried throughout my first pregnancy.  Then he was born, I was worrying about milestones.  Now, with this one, I worry about everything.  I went to Motherhood today to buy some clothes and REFUSED to buy a lot of what I needed because I wanted to make sure all is ok at our big u/s on Tuesday.  I think worrying just happens once we are pregnant.  I would definitely talk to your doc about it and see what he/she says.  I have my appointments on Tuesday and am going to talk to my doctor then about it.  It's a horrible feeling.  KEEP SMILING though--you do deserve this!