Annoying MIL vent.

berta769

So my mother in law is buying all this stuff for her house. She's buying a pack and play, a dresser and even a car seat. The other day she even made the comment that she was going to take him to Flordia with her when she goes on vacation... I said uhmm, no I don't think so. She says "Oh no, I'm gunna take him to Disney World." Yeah, still thinkin not. I mentioned something to hubby about this but he just blows it off. Does she think she's going to have baby all the time? I think it just irks me even more that she's assuming she's gunna hall him all over the country side because she's buying a car seat. I just wanna tell her, quit spending money on stupid stuff your not going to need and start spending it on stuff your son and I need for baby. I know it sounds bad to stay but it's pushing me more and more to the point that baby is never going to go to her house. I also wanna throw a reminder out to her that it's our baby not hers.

clarku2000

Ugh--I would be annoyed.  Why does she need all that stuff??  Luckily my family lives in another state, otherwise I can see my older sister doing this (who has no kids, but about 10 cats--I don't think so).

MrsJinNH

My mom had some ridiculous expectations about how often she would be taking care of DS before he was born. It was nice having a PNP and a swing over there for when we were visiting for a few hours, but I had to tell her repeatedly that she would not need a carseat.

It's definitely annoying, but I would just try to ignore it for now. Once the baby is here you will just control how much she seems him/her and hopefully she'll get the point.

Jean&Crys

I hear you!  My MIL is the exact same way.  Fortunately my SIL found out she was also pregnant and due one week after us.  My MIL will have to raise this kid, as my SIL only sleeps all day and can't even take a shower for a week.  But at first, she was talking about getting all the furniture to set up their spare bedroom and a carseat and a stroller.  Yeah...no thanks.  I'll take care of my baby and you take care of your daughter that can't take care of herself and got pregnant on a one-night stand!

K.a.T.e

I'd blow it off ... She's just excited for the baby and this is the way that she is expressing it. 

BeckyTheEngineer

I can relate a little, my MIL and Mom think this is their baby (and I live nowhere near them).  MIL takes care of slacker BIL's kids all the time, and has baby gear all over her house.  Hubby constantly tells her it's not her kid, but it's not sinking in.  My mom is worse, she's trying to name the baby, and get me to come live with her (500 miles away) to have the baby, and show off to everyone.  I gave her no reason to think any of this would happen, and told her specific reasons why it won't, but it's futile. 

berta769

I know it's all under my control how much she sees LO but I don't want to be the horrible DIL that never brings her grandson over to see her.

 I do agree that it'll be nice to have a PNP there but it's even more irratating because she'll show me a flyer and be like "This is what I'm getting for my house." I mean what do you say to that? Cool...? Whatever...?

tarebear9891

Just leave it alone for now and set boundaries as you need to after LO is born. My MIL told me (when my DS was a few months old) that she was taking him to visit her mother several hours away. Yes she told did not ask. I am actually proud of how calm I was when I told her no way was I comfortable with that.

Roco&Leche

K.a.T.e:

I'd blow it off ... She's just excited for the baby and this is the way that she is expressing it. 

I totally agree.  There is no win with situations like these.  There are the girls that vent about MIL NOT wanting to spend time or offering to watch the grandchild.  IMO, think of it as a blessing.  YEs you will have to put limits but overall it sounds wonderful that she wants to be so involved.

newlywed26

I know it's annoying, but try to be appreciative that you'll probably get a lot of free babysitting services.  Trust me.  You'll need a break.  I know she's imposing right now, but it sounds to me like she's just extremely excited to be a grandma.  If it were me, I'd just brush those comments off and change the subject.  Hang in there.  It sounds like your mil is just really happy.

kerryk_21

Your not alone.  I have a friend whose MIL did the same thing.  She converted a spare room into an entire baby room!  She went all out - crib, dresser, bedding decorations, diapers, toys, closet full of clothes!  Basically anything that us soon to be mommys purchase she did too.

I sure hope if your MIL want to take your LO to Disney she extendeds the offer to you and and your DH too!

Hope things start to look up.  DH should throw a few subtle reminders out there that this is your baby not hers.

RitaT22

Your MIL seems very excited about the upcoming baby, and buying things is how she's expressing it. Maybe once she realizes all she bought won't get put to use at her house, she'll give it to you to keep

On the other hand, I'm kind of opposite from you. My mom has two spare rooms in her house, and my sister and I want to turn one into a playroom (I have a three year old niece and my mom watches her a few afternoons a week). No crib or anything, just a pack and play and toys for both kids once mine is older. Mom is not TOTALLY against it, but doesn't want a mess of a room. Sometimes, I push the issue just to poke fun, but really wouldn't mind if she really did say no. I just thought it'd be nice for when we went over.  

babya2010

I am just waiting for this! My MIL seems like she'd be the exact same way. After all, she went out and bought a brand new $40,000 SUV nearly a month after we announced our first pregnancy (which unfortunately ended in m/c). Her reasoning for that? "So when the baby comes we can all ride together comfortably!" Excuse me? Where are we going? Now with twins on the way she better have changed her tune. There is no way I'm about to go rearranging car seats/bases just so WE can ride together. Heck no. But I will not be surprised if she buys car seat bases for her own car anyways. Sigh...

amanda31H

My MIL bought cradle type things for the baby before we even announced that we were pregnant!  (she needs two now!)  She's also bough easter baskets, stuffed animals, etc.  My mother cleared out a space in her guest room for the pack n play, and set up a rocking chair and blanket.

I think it's sweet, and I have a feeling that when the babies arrive, I'll be happy that both sides of our family are prepared to have them over! 

Taking my children on a trip w/out me though.....umm no.  Don't discuss it now, cross that bridge when it comes.

berta769

Haha. She also just said something the other day about finding a new car. DH asked why and she said well I'm not going to be able to haul the baby around in the truck.

babya2010

berta769:

Haha. She also just said something the other day about finding a new car. DH asked why and she said well I'm not going to be able to haul the baby around in the truck.

Don't you love it? My first thoughts were, "Oh ok. Nevermind the fact that I drive a 6 yr old dinky-a$$ hatchback..."

aldyn

I would be really annoyed in your situation too.  FWIW, my MIL is always clamoring for alone time w/DD whenever she visits and I'm never, ever comfortable with it.  I personally feel pressured into leaving my child with her and I'm never comfortable about and I'm never grateful for the time away from my DD or for the "free babysitting."  I have left DD with other people that I do feel comfortable with, but I'm simply not comfortable with my MIL watching her (and for the record, I wouldn't be comfortable with my own Mom watching her either!).

Good luck - this is just the beginning!  Set your ground rules and expectations from the start.  Don't keep your child from her, but let the visiting be on YOUR terms.  I hope you have a supportive DH; the only thing DH and I ever fight about is my MIL.

trinakb

Sounds like my MIL, sometimes I swear she thinks we are having this baby for her. I have been trying to be more positive lately and just be thankful that she is really excited. But she has gone alittle over board with her purchases. She recently bought a cross over vehicle, and kept emphasizing to DH that she needs 4 doors. He asked "why, it's only you and dad now?" She just said "I NEED 4 DOORS." Maybe 5 minutes after telling her we were pg she talked about how she was going to take our child up north to go fishing a lot, now this is about 5 hrs away with no cell phone reception. DH politely set the limit, we would feel more comfortable going along if you want to take the baby on a trip. She didn't seem to care for this response but she isn't use to DH setting limits.

I'm learning the key is to POLITELY set limits, but try to have DH do it as it is HIS mother. And try to remember that she is just really excited to be a Grandma! I know i'm trying to remind myself of this every day!!!

berta769

I giggle about this all now but I have a feeling I will be in your shoes all too soon. She's already talking about buying a new car which I guarantee will be newer then any of the vehicles DH or I own. She complained that my car was old and had high miles and that I needed something reliable but of course she wouldn't help us find a new car, she'll just find one for herself. Oh well. I do have to say she is a lot of talk but it just annoys me at what stuff she will end up coming through on.

Nicoleb1386

Ok I love my MIL but she sounds like yours in terms of going way overboard. We are talking full nursery, glider and all. She also has said that she will be trading her car soon for an SUV so that she can fit her car seat in better. DH and I just laugh about this but it is really annoying.

DH told his mom gently that we live less than 10 miles away, there won't be a need for her to have all of that, and she responded that she expects many overnight visits. DH and I are both on the same page that overnight visits will most likely not happen the first year but if she wants to have a nursery she can have one I guess. By the same token we don't care what they do with their money, I mean we arent expecting them to use it on us for our nursery. Our baby, our financial responsibility.

BecExpecting

Kind of funny.. Since we announced our pregnancy, my mother in law (who lives 9 hours away) has kind of lost her mind.. surprisingly not over our baby, but over hers. She's been ranting and raving lately that she never gets to see "us" (my husband).. that we never visit them, and that we visit my parents all the time.

We see my parents about once a month.. keep in mind that my parents live only 5 hours away. My parents are very vocal about seeing us this often (any less and they start whining.)

Before this pregnancy, his parents did not seem to care to see us more than twice a year.. so we were shocked to get this giant tongue-lashing for "not including them".