Gender Emphasis

earthycrunchymama

Is it just me, or is there such a strong gender emphasis involved with pregnancy and birth???

I find myself a bit turned off at how everything seems to be so "pink vs. blue" when shopping for baby clothes, bedding, etc... I hate how overly genderized colours are in the US and how stuff has to look "girly" or "boyish." And how much we revolve around Boy vs Girl period here... 

I'm not a pink/purple person nor do I like the frills. I dislike a lot of the clothes I've seen for the girls and prefer other more gender neutral colors. 

I want to paint my girls room green and have my sister telling me I MUST pick pink or purple and must dress her in pink/purple so "people know she's a girl..." My partner is from India, and  there pink IS as gender neutral as green or blue. 

Go to the toy section and so much there is gender-specific. My partner the other day informed me that we needed to get our daughter an electric train. (I think it's that HE is more wanting to play with it of course!!!)  I know a lot of people that would be appalled at giving a girl toy cars or trains, and those that are against giving a boy a doll or kitchen set.

 I feel like people have set ideas that girls are cute and sweet and cuddly, and boys have to be rough and tough. Even though some girls are rough and tough and some boys are sweet and cuddly and not interested in being rough and tough....

I also have about a dozen friends that have come out as transgender - several of which have gone to the point of sexual reassignment surgery - others that take hormones to try to give them the body they feel they should have been born into. I've also seen them struggle as their families try to push the gender the family assumes they should be based on genitals, and how much it affects them because they don't identify as that gender. I've seen other finally find happiness after going on hormone therapy or getting their breasts removed because they never felt that part belonged. And of course big moments for them like when a first stranger referred to them as the gender they feel they are rather then the gender they were raised as.

I keep thinking about it. I just feel like there seems to be a huge stress on girl parts vs boy parts and watching other friends pick baby gear disappointed when the store doesn't have things that are "boyish" enough...  

Maybe it's more of my experience  dealing with transgender friends and hearing their thoughts on gender-related issues,  but I feel like I'm currently surrounded by a world that makes gender out to be so black and white (or pink vs blue) every time I enter a baby store.  What makes it this way in the US when other countries don't necessarily overemphasize gender - at least not in the same manner where we color-code everything and seem to set gender roles right from the start?

Anyone have personal thoughts on gender issues and pregnancy/birth??? Just wondering if I'm the only one thinking about gender roles, and other gender issues here...

melzer14

Yes! I agree, I told my boyfriend that I am so sick of everything being either pink or blue, and then there is some green and yellow thrown in there. When we buy clothes for our LO we try to stay away from blue...Drives me nuts. 

I mean don't get me wrong girl stuff is ADORABLE but we both said if we were having a girl we didn't want everything to be PINK! haha 

5de5

I get tired of it too. And pink is my favorite color, blue is DH's but we don't want everything in that color.  Even if we have a girl (two weeks before we find out) the room is being painted green on bottom, blue on top (like the sky)

Legally Nads

Part of the reason we are Team Green is because we didn't want to be bombarded with overly feminine or overly masculine baby clothes,toys and gear. And it has been difficult to find gender-neutral gear, clothes, etc.. Luckily we really like green and yellow.  Every time someone asks about my due date, its always "What are you having?" I just say "We are having a surprise," but would rather say, "A baby, duh!" So yes, I agree with you, it is way out of control. 

H4'sFan

I was borderline militant about keeping things gender neutral when I found out I was pregnant with a girl. Her nursery is yellow and green, and all the baby gear is gender neutral. Looking back on it, I am not sure why I was so adamant about keeping things neutral.

The irony is, as much as I fought it, she looks absolutely beautiful in pink, and the more gender neutral colors make her skin look washed out. In fact, an almost hot pink color is her best color.

When she is older, I will just let her pick out what she likes best. I am not trying to force any gender role on her, and it really doesn't bother me like it did when I was pregnant. 

coryandsuzanne

I'm not super girly so a lot of the baby stuff in stores bugs me a bit.  If we're having a girl I don't want to have to choose pink or purple but choose whatever color I like that I come acrossed.  With that said, I also would like people to recognize my baby as the sex he/she is.

I feel like gender is an important part of who each person is.  There are certain ways girls are and certain ways boys are.  I've seen/read about experiements people have done with this idea and it seems to me that each person's gender truly effects them, not just how they are raised to know their role.  That's why I believe it's okay to raise your child with their gender in mind but not necessarily make girls wear bows and play dress up rather than play basketball.

allyandpat2010

Personally if my DD comes out with the coloring i expect her to have, blue is going to look fabulous on her, green too... I was digging baby gap's new little girl stuff that was all blue and white!

bstrangely

i agree. i find it kind of sad that we pigeonhole them so early... i've heard about studies where people dressed the same baby up in either "boy" or "girl" outfits and recorded stranger's comments. when this child cried as a boy, people would say he was angry... as a girl they would ask who scared her. it's troubling. this is not to say that there are no innate gender differences... but with societal training like this, it's probably impossible to parse them out. personally, i was raised in a yellow room, and we rent, so we probably won't go nuts in the nursery anyway. i think i might dress whatever we have in androgynous clothing just to mess with old ladies at the store.

https://bookstove.com/children/effects-of-gender-stereotypes-in-childrens-picture-books/

https://gozips.uakron.edu/~susan8/parinf.htm

K.a.T.e

I agree that there is much more gender emphasis today.  Sure I played with dolls and stuff growing up but my sisters and I also had a complete set of He-man and She-ra action figures. 

Pink was not emphasized when I was young. I had a blue room. 

I am purposefully buying gender neutral "stuff" for this baby.   We will find out the sex in a few weeks but I don't think that I'm going to assign myself team "pink" or team "blue"

earthycrunchymama

melzer14:

Yes! I agree, I told my boyfriend that I am so sick of everything being either pink or blue, and then there is some green and yellow thrown in there. When we buy clothes for our LO we try to stay away from blue...Drives me nuts. 

I mean don't get me wrong girl stuff is ADORABLE but we both said if we were having a girl we didn't want everything to be PINK! haha 

this is me!!!

I really don't want clothes labeled "princess" - not every girl is into sparkles and dress up and frilly stuff. While I wasn't a tomboy, I wasn't super girly either. I was more into arts & crafts then dolls and dressup.

I've had so many people react with excitement that it's a girl referring to her a a princess yadda yadda yadda. sometimes I feel like parents inflict  their likes and personalities on their kids. Sometimes it suits the kids, other times I feel like saying, "get that crazy big bow off your daughter. it's so not her personality..."

My friends son dressed up as snow white after halloween in his sisters costume. He wanted to play snow white - and did look cute - but when she posted pics people flipped for letting him wear it... HE wanted to. (and he's 5). It's not like she decided to dress him up as that. and he looked happy.

 

I've had other friends be criticized for buying their sons a doll. But if he kept taking his sisters to play with - and he liked it, why NOT buy him one? with a little girl, we see it as motherly. But when it's a boy and a doll, we see that as odd? can't we teach little boys to "care for a baby" the same way we do little girls?

When I was a kid, all the boys brought GI Joes to school to play... the girls had barbies & my little ponys. but a GI joe is typically called a "figurine"  or whatever... we don't label them as "dolls" because that sounds girly. But I remember playing house with the boys with my girl dolls and the boys had their GI Joes as the "dads."  but if we swapped toys, we were told girls/boys can't play with those - those are GIRL (or BOY) toys... I remember sitting there confused with some of them wondering what WAS wrong with them playing with my stuff since I said we could share.

aldyn

Well, they say the first thing we do (as humans) when we look at another person is determine what sex they are.  Have you ever looked at someone and not been able to tell?  What happens?  You stare, you try to figure it out, you ask someone next to you what s/he thinks... assigning a sex to people is essential to how we interact and behave as a species ~ I think that's why you see so much focus on things to differentiate.

Having said that, I do agree that it's bad to pigeon-hole people.  I have what is traditionally a man's name and I love it.  If this baby ends up being a boy and he wants to take ballet with his older sister, awesome, I'll totally support it.  And, if DD actually hates ballet and prefers ice hockey?  Great!  My focus is to find things they're interested in and not squash their personalities just because their interests extend beyond traditional gender roles. 

earthycrunchymama

aldyn:

Having said that, I do agree that it's bad to pigeon-hole people.  I have what is traditionally a man's name and I love it.  If this baby ends up being a boy and he wants to take ballet with his older sister, awesome, I'll totally support it.  And, if DD actually hates ballet and prefers ice hockey?  Great!  My focus is to find things they're interested in and not squash their personalities just because their interests extend beyond traditional gender roles. 

 I've seen some parents that won't do this because they are afraid of their child being made fun of... I'm also wondering at what age do KIDS pick up gender roles their parents stress?

This reminds me of Ugly Betty, where Betty's nephew Justin is into things typically labeled as "girl interests" (fashion, etc)...  then people assume he's gay. I think Marc talked to him in an episode where he said that he wasn't. but I love that they portray Justin as content with his interests and doesn't (outwardly) seem affected by what others think... 

But then I think of instances like the 11-year old, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover who hung himself after being bullied/called gay.  According to his family, Carl did not identify as gay. but what got him labeled that way??? did he have too many "girly" interests? being what is perceived as feminine is typically what gets a guy labeled gay - whether he is or not.

I want to teach my child to do what she loves, and to not worry so much about gender roles. at the same time, I worry about issues like bullying from other kids who have defined (by parents? society???) what a girl/boy should do/like/etc and what they should not... 

mghnmouse

I feel the same way, that's one of the reasons we were against finding out the sex of the baby, because we were afraid that even if we didn't put cute girl or boy things on the registry, then everyone would get too wrapped up in buying those kind of thing, rather than what we really need. I was a tomboy when I was younger, and I hate that people feel like you have to make gender obvious to the world, almost out of obligation, so that others feel better about it. I think it's ridiculous!

earthycrunchymama

mghnmouse:

I feel the same way, that's one of the reasons we were against finding out the sex of the baby, because we were afraid that even if we didn't put cute girl or boy things on the registry, then everyone would get too wrapped up in buying those kind of thing, rather than what we really need. I was a tomboy when I was younger, and I hate that people feel like you have to make gender obvious to the world, almost out of obligation, so that others feel better about it. I think it's ridiculous!

I did find out gender, and immediately started getting all the girly stuff. I HATE girly stuff. I half-wish we didn't tell gender for this very reason. I have stuff I need more then another frilly outfit.