serious question: dd and dh

neesernicole

Malia turned 3 at the end of Dec. had a new brother about 2 wks later.

She and my dh have always butted heads. They are entirely too much alike and she's just always been a mama's girl.

Now she's in this lovely phase (at least I hope it's a phase) where she's super sassy to him and downright mean sometimes. She'll act this way to me every now and then but it pales in comparison to how she treats dh.

I feel terrible for dh. We're both clueless why she acts this way toward him. When they are 1 on 1 - everything is good.

So, here's my question: how should we handle this? Should he discipline when she starts acting this way or should I step in?

I feel like she already sees him as the (for lack of a better term) "bad guy" and if I do the disciplining, then maybe she'll respond better to him.

And the discipline starts off with a "warning" - "m, what's up? we don't talk that way ... let's talk nice like a big girl." and if it keeps going then she has to go to her room until we get her and we talk again about talking nice and being respectful.

If the discipline part is all wrong, I'm open to helpful tips there too. i'm so tired of sucking at this parenting thing.

Rebekah1021

When DD acts for DH, I usually make him deal with it. It got to the point where she was expecting me to step in and it made it look like I was the boss and he had no say. DD can butt heads with DH and it was hard, but she had to learn to listen from him as well.

Mrs.Tony

First of all you don't suck. We all learn as we go. I know I don't know everything and sometimes discipline just comes hard.  She's at that age where I found things to be harder!  I thought 3 was much harder than 2. I don't know if I have any suggestions for you but I think your approach is very reasonable as long as you follow through on the putting her in her room when she doesn't stop.

josie402

I don't have much advice, we have the same issue with DS and DH.  DS only wants me, for bed, to get his milk, to do his bath, etc.  DS is perfectly fine with DH if I'm not home, but if I'm here, all he wants is me.  Hopefully you get some good ideas! 

butterbeansmama

josie402:

I don't have much advice, we have the same issue with DS and DH.  DS only wants me, for bed, to get his milk, to do his bath, etc.  DS is perfectly fine with DH if I'm not home, but if I'm here, all he wants is me.  Hopefully you get some good ideas! 

This is us totally. DS will "allow" dh to play with him when I absolutely refuse, but it is always a stressful time. I can hear it in ds's voice. He is fine with letting dh give him his bath because dh will play with him in there (and I don't)., but he will also blatantly say that he doesn't like daddy (even with dh standing right there). If he misbehaves towards dh, I let him deal with it and do not step in (I used too, but it gets tiresome after a while).

joseysbride

Whatever you do, just be consistent.  And always back up one another in front of her, even if you don't agree.

What we always did was whomever was mistreated was the one to do the disciplining.  The other stayed out of it.  Undoubtedly, she would always coming running to me to save her, and I'd just reinforce my dh's punishment and say you have to take this up with your dad.  We both had a plan that we agreed upon so that the routine was always the same when he needed to be disciplined.

Honestly, neeser, Rory went through this same thing this past summer, and it was really hard on me, but she is over it now and she is extremely well behaved.  It is rare that we have problems with her now.  I couldn't tell you if it is the age (because I think R would have been the same age as M is now), the sibling, or a combo of both.  It's nothing you are or aren't doing, so hang in there!