Trust me...you will change...so who will I be?

JenforFun

What is it with people saying you will never be the same after the baby gets here? And I don't mean your life/lifestyle/priorities, clearly that will all change however I'm tired of the "Oh you won't want to do that anymore..." type comments.

For example, I travel for business and am in sales. That involves a lot of client dinners and entertaining - one of my favorite parts of the job - you go out, have a great meal, drink too much, enjoy new people and voila hopefully a deal is done and we're all happy

I keep getting the - oh you won't do that anymore, you will just want to go to bed, you won't be the fun girl anymore......can I punch someone for saying that to me?

Sorry frustrated and nervous about who I'm going to be I guess...anyone else feel like this?

melzer14

Uhhh yeah I feel the same way...I understand that my priorities are going to be totally different along with my whole life and i'm not going to want to go out with my friends as much but that doesn't mean I am going to sit at home and NEVER leave my house ever again! Drives me crazy...

MrsEmm

i know its annoying and I dont know why people say that stuff but just keep an open mind - a LOT of things will change when your LO gets here. Your entire PERSPECTIVE changes. But everyone is different and thats why its lame that they're saying this stuff. Theres no telling how or how much having a baby will change you - but it WILL change you.

MrsAmyB

Yeah, most people who say that are overexaggerating and those that mean it have CHOSE that route.

There are times DH and I say "ooh remember when we used to *insert some fun, random, careless thing here*"  Then we say "Yeah, but having M is so much more fun."  My DH still goes on business trips, we still went to Vegas last summer, we still go out to the bar with friends.  Its a choice. 

smilejenn

MrsEmm:

i know its annoying and I dont know why people say that stuff but just keep an open mind - a LOT of things will change when your LO gets here. Your entire PERSPECTIVE changes. But everyone is different and thats why its lame that they're saying this stuff. Theres no telling how or how much having a baby will change you - but it WILL change you.

 Ditto this!

I'm someone who is a completely different person than I was prior to having my son. I don't know if the change was caused by motherhood, or the difference between being 26 and 29. I don't enjoy going out at night anymore at all. But at 29 years old, I always hoped I wouldn't still be bar hopping even if I didn't have a child. LOL

Mrs.Mugsie

I used to travel a ton for my job before DD.  I also did a lot of entertaining.   After I went back to work, I loved the entertaining/ dinners/drinks.  It made me feel normal.  I hated the travel though (I am now a SAHM). 

Most moms that I worked with still loved it and loved the travel- it gives you a break.  Everyone is different and it is so annoying when people think they know exactly how you will feel.  You don't even know how you will feel until you are in the situation. 

MrsBalletStar05

Who is not going to want to do everything they enjoyed before the baby??  No, you may not have as much energy and you may not get to do those things as often....but you WILL want to do them!  And my guess if that desire is strong enough, you will make arrangements to do so at some point. 

JJ1973

I totally agree. Currently, I hate all the, "Enjoy your sleep while you can get it!" comments. Or better yet, all the comments about, "My body used to look like yours before I had [insert name of child], then it was all over." I mean, that's kind of the last thing one wants to hear while basking in the glow of good news/first pregnancy. These comments are always followed up by, "But trust me - it is the best thing in the world to be a parent." I know people don't intend to be mean spirited but the comments are annoying.

JenforFun

THANK YOU!!! Seriously that's the other thing...all the sleep and body comments. I'm like don't rain on my parade there buddy...just because you didn't hit the treadmill post baby doesn't mean I won't. Argh.

 

So glad there are others out there! 

ai&Jas

Ok- I am not pregnant but I was just lucking after I found the link on leashes and thought I'd put in my 2 cents and I apologize for this being LONG!

I definitely understand where you are coming from and no one really will know how they will change until after the baby gets here.

I was previously an applications person (salary plus bonus/commisions) and I LOVED that life style. Traveling constantly, dinners with clients, meeting fellow colleagues at congresses. My travel involved interstate and overseas and it was awesome. My marriage was fantastic as we appreciated our time together when I was home. I am a very passionate person and I LOVED my job. I travelled until I was 7.5 months pregnant and towards the end the travel was getting to me as I was so exhausted. And then I had a baby and yep I changed.

Firstly-- It was very difficult for me to be in Canada on my first day back from maternity leave. I was nursing at the time and to be miles away from my tiny baby was super hard. I also now had to juggle fitting in when and where to pump. Being an apps person my customers changed daily and not only did I have to create a bond with them, I then had to discretely decline lunches so that i could go and do my thing.

It didnt take long for me to realize that the constant travel was not something for me anymore. I missed my baby and husband terribly and would rush back to the hotel room so i could sing over the phone to her while I--you guessed it--pumped! I still had dinner with my customers but I couldnt go straight from their office/lab. I had to excuse myself for a good 30 mins and then reappear again all chirpy and happy again either after I've dropped off my breast milk and pumped, or--found a place to pump (usually in the car or rest room) and then tracking down ice for the milk! While at dinner--I tried not to talk to my clients about my baby but they would bring it up almost everytime!!

I still loved my job-- but I had changed and my job was no longer my priority. My priority was that baby back home and getting my milk to her safely!

After 4 months on the road, my DD turned 7 months and I switched jobs. The job I currently have has me travelling for a week every 3-4 months and I love that! Most times I bring my DH and DD. I will always say that my time as an apps person was the best job I've ever had. This new job is family friendly, extremely flexible and allows me to be home with my baby at night. Its an easier job since my life has changed and I hate to say it but sometimes I do feel as though i am "mommy tracked"! 

As an FYI-- being a mother is a challenging job. Being a working mother is extremely fulfilling to me but also very tiring! Its the hardest job I've ever had and this is coming from someone who did her PhD in 3.5 yrs and was extremely competitive! I am not built to be a SAHM since I love to work and I need the adult interaction but am I as dedicated to my career as before-- most days yes--some days--no..

My family is now my priority and I while I didnt mind working long hrs and over the weekend before...now I finish everything as soon as possible so that my nights and weekends are free!

Ok-- this is just my story. You should check out the working mothers board. There are a bunch of women who travel on there. Its completely possible to travel and live the life you had before you had a child--the question is--will you want to do it

Good luck to you and sorry for the novel!

 

bloverly

Yes, yes, I'm so tired of people telling me what I'll feel and want to do. I'm already a homebody, but I still love going out with friends and DH to dinner, a show, etc, or just to wander around! I don't think that will change and I don't see why I can't take our little man with us when we won't be out very late. You don't have to change what you do, but rather how you do it, IMO. We are already planning to buy some nice noise reducing headphones for him so he can come to band practice with daddy and shows too. Just gotta protect those little ears.

summer_aka_chewchew

I kindof got that before i had my daughter.  Yeah, I havent changed. Its just someone putting in there 2 cents because some people think they know everything. its just BS coming out.

sabrinafair

I?m right there with you, these comments are annoying me way way more than any others. I?m sick of the ?enjoy your relationship with DH while you can, because it will never be the same again? or ?I hope you?re enjoying sex for now, you won?t want it again after LO is here? or ?eat what you want while pg because your body will never look like it did before so it won?t matter? This goes along with the ones about how I won?t enjoy going to restaurants for the first 6 years and how I won?t want to travel or go running or go out for a drink with my girlfriends. I have many girlfriends who were able to keep living a very similar life post-baby, your lifestyle/habits/priorities will OF COURSE change but you do have some control over it?

Dreamsicle23

Every time I hear someone say "Just you wait..." regardless of what its followed by, I have an overwhelming urge to kick them in the shin.

frklsbride

JenforFun:

What is it with people saying you will never be the same after the baby gets here? And I don't mean your life/lifestyle/priorities, clearly that will all change however I'm tired of the "Oh you won't want to do that anymore..." type comments.

For example, I travel for business and am in sales. That involves a lot of client dinners and entertaining - one of my favorite parts of the job - you go out, have a great meal, drink too much, enjoy new people and voila hopefully a deal is done and we're all happy

I keep getting the - oh you won't do that anymore, you will just want to go to bed, you won't be the fun girl anymore......can I punch someone for saying that to me?

Sorry frustrated and nervous about who I'm going to be I guess...anyone else feel like this?

i don't think you'll be frustrated and nervous, but i bet once or twice you'll look across the table at mr. important client and think, "i wonder what baby is doing right now." 

allyandpat2010

JenforFun:

What is it with people saying you will never be the same after the baby gets here? And I don't mean your life/lifestyle/priorities, clearly that will all change however I'm tired of the "Oh you won't want to do that anymore..." type comments.

For example, I travel for business and am in sales. That involves a lot of client dinners and entertaining - one of my favorite parts of the job - you go out, have a great meal, drink too much, enjoy new people and voila hopefully a deal is done and we're all happy

I keep getting the - oh you won't do that anymore, you will just want to go to bed, you won't be the fun girl anymore......can I punch someone for saying that to me?

Sorry frustrated and nervous about who I'm going to be I guess...anyone else feel like this?

I'm in sales and do the same types of things you are describing. This is our 4th child. I still do my job, and am the top rep in my district. I still go out with my friends, we still do things. Its all about balancing. But you, yourself won't change! You will just have a wonderful new title, Mommy, and some new priorities.

HBaylies

I say you can punch people who annoy you and think they know everything.

I hate when people do that kind of stuff. 

CrunchOoEezyMama

I think sometimes people with kids, who haven't had a good nights sleep or a night out in a long time say stuff like that.  I would probably think that to myself, but not say it to your face.  That sounds like a fun job/lifestyle but I could definitely see not be interested in that at all with a new baby.  I'd just want to be home with my family and baby and getting some rest. 

CrunchOoEezyMama

JenforFun:

THANK YOU!!! Seriously that's the other thing...all the sleep and body comments. I'm like don't rain on my parade there buddy...just because you didn't hit the treadmill post baby doesn't mean I won't. Argh.

 

So glad there are others out there! 

Hah, that's kind of insulting.  There are a lot of things that changed with my body that regardless of how much I exercised, weren't going to change back.  It would be naive to think otherwise. 

femmegem

CrunchOoEezyMama:

JenforFun:

THANK YOU!!! Seriously that's the other thing...all the sleep and body comments. I'm like don't rain on my parade there buddy...just because you didn't hit the treadmill post baby doesn't mean I won't. Argh.

 

So glad there are others out there! 

Hah, that's kind of insulting.  There are a lot of things that changed with my body that regardless of how much I exercised, weren't going to change back.  It would be naive to think otherwise. 

LOL. Ditto this.

JenforFun

Agreed the body changes and some things won't go back..this person who made the body comment to me happens to do nothing and make bad diet choices...

JenforFun

That's a great post! I really appreciate it. Lucky for me I can make the travel schedule so I'm thinking when I go back..just going to see how it goes and if I can do it I will and if not then my colleague gets to do the "entertaining". I'm hopeful I'll still want to do it here and there however I think I'll be like you in that I won't want to all the time. Thanks again - loved it.