Husband Gender Disappointment - Page 2 — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Husband Gender Disappointment

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Re: Husband Gender Disappointment

  • My husband didn't say a thing to me in almost 24 hours. For the first month he referred to her as "The Baby" or "It" I hoped he would come around but it took a whole month of disappointment. Then one night while I was asleep he had his hands wrapped around my belly. Suddenly "IT" moved, for 15 minutes "It" moved under her daddy's hands and her daddy crumbled, was even fighting back tears (and he is NOT an emotional person). In 15 minutes Hannah went from "It" to "My girl" and ever since that moment he has been the most incredible Daddy. While I was in labor he even talked about how he wanted another girl. Now he says he doesn't care if he ever gets a boy. He loves her so much and wants to kick himself for ever wanting anything different. She has him wrapped around his little finger. 

     I gave him time because I knew he would come around but I didn't realize he would be so thrilled to have a girl! 

  • So sorry that he is having a tough time with it, he will come around; ) I know that my H was saying it was a girl before we knew to set himself up for not hearing the words "ITS A BOY!"

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  • Have you talked with him about why he wanted a boy? Perhaps when he realizes that he can play catch, etc. with a girl as well as with a boy, he might perk up. Also, there are so many stories of parents hoping for one gender or another, and that disappointment melting away when they greet that precious face for the first time.

    But, a warning: sometimes, the disappointment doesn't go away. If your DH is the type who must have things his way at any cost, it can be rough on you and your LO. My ex husband still buys girl's clothing and toys for DS, because he MUST have a girl, even though he actually has a son.  But it's not likely your DH is that type, though. He will, most likely, recover from his disappointment at some stage.

  • LMarkLMark
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    Most men want a boy.  At our ultrasound, our baby would not turn around to show us and so we'll be surprised!  DH still gets more excited when people look at my belly and think it's a boy, but I know that he will love our child just the same if we have a girl.

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  • I'm not holding back here. I think your DH is being a big baby.  He's going to be a father, and even more importantly, having lost a baby already, he needs to know that a healthy child is what people should want not a boy or girl.  IMO he needs a reality check.  I think secretly everyone has hopes about a boy or girl but to be so obvious and mopey about it is selfish and childish.  In a few short months he'll realize how stupid he was being, when he gets to meet his daughter.

    If you have any other kids, I'd vote NOT to find the gender out b4 the birth, your H needs to cool it.

     

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  • my husband and i are TTC.  he has a daughter from an outside relationship and so do i.  My daughter only knows him as her father and has never even met her bio daddy.  when i had her all i wanted was a little girl.  i didn't even want a boy.  my little girl is the most male female that i have ever met.  at nearly 3 she watches sports, plays roughly, and climbs anything that crosses her mind.  i want a girly girl this time around, my husband wants a boy.  i hope he's not disappointed with another girl and i'm not disappointed if we have a boy.  but you never know with men.  sometimes they climb in their box and don't want to come out and play.

    i hope yours comes out of his box soon.  you never know your little girl might prefer trucks to dolls and climbing to tea-parties.  good luck :)

  • I hope your DH gets over this quickly so that the two could truly enjoy this moment, especially after your loss. My DH really wanted a girl and I've always wanted a boy as a first child. The second the ust told us it was a boy, he looked so proud and was so overwhelmed with joy, he became the proudest daddy(2B) on earth!! The day Christian was born.. it was blasted on email, in the biggest font he could use, "MY SON is born!!!!!!!!!!!!".  Tell him you don't need any added stress right now....
  • I mean sure...I think all men want a son at some point. But he needs to get over it and feel blessed that his little girl is a healthy baby. I am not saying it is not okay to want one ovr he other but to put his head in his hands in the tech office and all the way home. That's a little much for me. If it were my husband I would tell him I know you are dissappointed it is not a boy but be thankful our baby is healthy. That's just my personal opinion. I have many friends and relatives who are having trouble getting pregnant and/or having complications with theie babies in utero. I am just thankful to have a baby that is healthy. Hope I did not upset you with my post.
  • my husband has ALWAYS wanted a boy, especially to be the first child, and when he found out that it was a girl he wasnt overly excited. it made me upset i started to cry and told him that it mad me sad that he wasnt excited about having a little girl' i thought that even if he found out it was a girl he would be so excited anyway, and when that didnt happen it crushed me. he told me that he just expected it to be a boy and had his hopes up and when it wasnt what he thought it just was taking him some time to get excited about it.

    he has since then gotten excited about having a little girl and we are going to try for a boy the second time. it may just take your man some time to get used to it-which is really frustrating trust me but im sure he will be ok and get excited about a lil baby girl.

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  • Congratulations!  So sorry about your DH's reaction.  I know he'll be so happy to have another girl once she is born. :-)  However, be careful about letting him have doubts and keep thinking he might be getting a son!   My SIL did that with her first pregnancy, was convinced she was having a girl even after the u/s showed boy!!!  Not a good thing to do and then be disappointed at the birth.  You might want to schedule another u/s to be more sure you really are having a girl so the same thing wont' happen to him!
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  • I completely understand! ?As soon as my husband found out that we were having a girl, he put his head in his hands and showed all the signs of disappointment. ?As soon as we had our daughter, it has been an unbreakable bond and a love very deep between the two. ?He even said he would be okay never having boys because he has his "Daddy's little girl!" ?Give him time and if after she is born and he can't get passed it, I would worry, but until then just let him be a little kid and get upset over it. ?For heavens sake as long as the baby is healthy, WHO CARES!! I'm sorry you have to go through this while being pregnant :(
  • Are you kidding me?!  I can't believe how people are responding...with such sympathy toward a grown man who can't "get over the disappointment" of having another little girl?! 

    Especially knowing that you, like myself, have lost a baby in the past (I read that, right?) - shouldn't he be happy that you two are having a baby together, period????  I mean, GROW UP!

    It's life.  Having a baby is a gamble gender-wise.  If he wanted to be totally in charge of the gender, he'd have to adopt.  I'm sorry, he just seems to be acting very immature.


  • My husband and I were both hoping for a boy, since his sister just had a girl a few months ago. We were hoping for the first grandson. But this is our first pregnancy and we have realized that healthy and happy will be much more important than the gender. We are both sports people and he is looking forward to having a "football team of sons" but says that if we have a girl, "we can teach her how to kick". haha, such the optimist! i hope it works out for you! some husbands hope for a boy because they know a daughter would have them wrapped around their cute little finger =)
  • This is exactly what happened to us except my husband doesn't have kids already. I felt like he was acting as if I had twins and miscarried the boy. He thought it was not possible he could make a girl. He said he accepted itafter but I still felt he was disappointed. Our daughter is now 4 months and he couldn't love anything more than he loves her. Inky opinion he wouldn't have fallen so hard over a boy despite wanting one. He still wants to try for a boy, but he says if the second is a girl that will be okay and he will be happy eithe way. I think he wanted a boy to be exactly like him and I am glad we had a girl- no expectations for who she will be only him being in love with how beautiful she is and how cute she acts!Have faith that your husband will do the same an remember that what he is going through is mourning the loss of his namesake and his legacy as well as his dreams and expectations. If you understand his position and feelings, it may help you deal with his behavior and accept his feelings. Best of luck!
  • Ugh....men can be such jerks.  Does he know that it is HIS sperm that determines the sex??!!  Tell him that he's the one who made a girl....
  • My sister felt the SAME way about her daughter while she was pregnant.  She completely freaked out about having a girl instead of a brother for her son.  She didn't even pick out a name for her until 2 days after she had her. 

     

    Now is a different story!  She couldn't be more thrilled with her little girl!  Little Robin is 4 months old and the happiest little thing I've ever seen.  I hope DH gets over it, too.  If not, you could always move him into the nursery and her into your bedroom. lol!

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  • I was very disappointed when we found out I was having a boy.  I know that seems immature and selfish, but it's true.  I am ashamed to admit it now, but I moped for a few days, I couldn't bring myself to go shopping because pink girly things were so much cuter.  I look back at that and laugh, I am so so happy we have a boy.  I wouldn't change it for the world.

    Point to my rambling: if you want something so badly for 16 weeks, you can't just change your feelings in 5 minutes.  It's a big adjustment and I think it's normal to take some time to get used to it, people just don't like to admit they felt disappointed about it.

  • Don't worry, once your baby girl (or boy) arrives he won't care one way or another.  I thought I was having a boy and it turned out to be a girl and I'm not disappointed and you shouldn't feel bad for your husband.   Anytime a baby is born that is life and he will feel good about your baby no matter the gender in the end. 

  • This is a hard one...my DH was set on a boy. So much so that I started calling him Henry the VIII. We did have a boy in September and I do often wonder how he would have handled a girl.
  • I think every guys wants a little boy, but everyone i know, including my husband says that once they hold that little girl for the first time, theres nothing like it.My husband still wants aboy one day, but he absolutly loves our daughter, and I'm sure your DH will be the same.....no worries!!!
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