I need help for a friend re: discipline for 18 mo old twins

**Gretchen**

Hi ladies - I'm usually over on ML or 6-12, but I need your help today, so I hope you don't mind me popping over. My friend has 18 mo old twins. She doesn't know how to discipline them, especially when she's one on one with them (her and her H work opposite shifts a lot).Their new favorite trick: climbing on the kitchen table chairs and onto the table. They think it's their personal dance floor. She was hoping that if she let them up on the chairs to see that the table was empty, they would become disinterested. Didn't happen. They're obsessed. She doesn't know how to get both of them redirected.She hasn't done time outs yet, because she doesn't know how to do the logistics of it. They climb out of a play pen and their cribs. Thoughts?  Thanks very much in advance!

Mrs. Destructo

Time outs. Time outs are a sanity and lifesaver for me!

When my kids are being bad I scoop them up, tell them 'No. You are not allowed to do XYZ. You are going to sit in time out.'

And I plunk them down in opposite corners of a the room, with no toys nearby. I set a timer for 1 minute for every year of age (my kids get 2 minutes, soon to be 2.5 minutes, her kids would get 1.5 minutes). And I stay near by so that if they try to escape from time out I can sit them back down and say 'No. You are in time out.'

Then when the timer beeps, I tell my kids that it is okay to get up, and I say 'You were in time out because you did xyz. You are not allowed to do that.' Then I give a kiss and send them on their happy ways.

 ETA: We started doing time outs when our kids were about 1.5, and it has been very effective.  

luvmagoldn

I think I started timeouts right about then.  I would warn them about the behavior and if they didn't stop I would start counting to three.  I told them that if I got to three they were going to time out.  I really stuck to this too. It did not count if they did what I asked after I said 3.  When in time out they screamed and cried at first but they got the message pretty quickly. 

Now all I have to do is count and they stop the behavior.  The exceptions are hitting or otherwise hurting each other.  That's an automatic time out.

When the two minutes are up I ask them to come over to me and I ask them why they were in time out.  At first they weren't really able to do verbalize it but it set a pattern for later.  Now they have to tell me why then apologize either to me or whoever they hurt.  I then give them a hug.  Asking them to verbalize the reason is important I think.  Every once in a while they give me a reason other than the actual one.  I think it's important to know that and help them understand.

regenab

My girls are 20 months old and I use a superyard for timeout. I started doing timeout with them at 15 months old. But for younger children like this that will not sit on a spot or chair confinement is best. Of course when I say confinement, I don't mean locked in a closet or anything. I have the superyard set up off to the side of the family room, so they can see me and I can see them. Like PP, I tell them "No you cannot do XYZ and you are going to timeout for XYZ." I put them in for 1.5 min. And once they are done I tell them again why I put them their and give them a hug and kiss. If they immediately do the offense again (which sometimes happens with my one twin, she is very stubborn sometimes) she goes right back to time out, no ifs ands or buts.

Since I started really early on, I give them a warning first and they stop the behavior right away about 80% of the time and look and point at the timeout area because they know what it means.

Also when I started, and still continue to this day, immediate time out offenses are biting, kicking or hitting. They do not get a warning, they are placed in timeout.

I read that before the age of 2 timeout is more about removing them from a situation, hence time away, so they redirect onto something else. I have found this to be very true. 1.5 min. away from a situation or behavior is usually long enough for them to move onto something else when they are done with the time out.

Your friend just has to be consistant with the timeout. It will be tough at first because she will be putting them in it many times over and over again until they get she is not going to change her response to them climbing up on the table.

The reason I suggested a superyard is because my girls have a really hard time climbing them, they can get a foot hold in a pack n play if they want to, but the superyard they have not figured out how to climb over yet. Hopefully this lasts until they turn 2 and I think they will be ready for a timeout chair or stool.

**Gretchen**

Thank you so much for all of your help. I've c&p'd all of the responses for her. She's just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. I'm hoping the suggestion for the superyard will work for her. She's been at a loss on how to do the time-out when trying to wrangle the other one, so I think that was  a good suggestion.

 

Thank you again!!