How do I make a convincing argument for being a SAHM?

mrsadamc 05

I need good, solid points that I can bring up to DH when we have this conversation.  He has been putting off this conversation for a long time! 

My argument (so far): 

I really want to stay at home. 
I don't want someone else raising my kid. 
Even if they are great on paper who knows what they do when I'm not there.
After mat leave I will have 0 days of PTO after I go back to work. 
Any day off will be -$150. 
Since I wouldn't be driving to work anymore I would be saving us $ on gas.
We also will have a baby so we will not be eating out and we will save $ that way. 
And daycare is expensive and I don't make a lot more $ than what it will cost us. 
I don't get any benefits from work, no 401K, health ins, etc so we don't lose anything there. 

 Can you think of any other points to add?

leslie13510

My only advice is that most men are visual people.  Work up the actual numbers of how much you'd be bringing home after paying for gas and daycare and show him.

two-pink-shoes

(this is not anything against working moms, but...)

There is solid evidence that babies whose mamas stay at home with them during the first year are more attached to them (as opposed to overly dependent or aloof) and confident.

Melaneigh1

Those are pretty good arguments.  It doesn't sound like your job offers many benefits.  Good luck!

Mrs.Tabigail

The main point that I made was that after gas to work and daycare my take home would be minuscule at best so in the end my paycheck would have been lost either way.  We actually still hadn't decided by the time I went on maternity leave and I just left everything in savings alone and we lived solely on DH's pay for the 2 months that I was on leave and basically just proved to him that we could do it. 

By the end of my leave we had decided and I just told them that I wouldn't be coming back.  

mrsadamc 05

two-pink-shoes:

(this is not anything against working moms, but...)

There is solid evidence that babies whose mamas stay at home with them during the first year are more attached to them (as opposed to overly dependent or aloof) and confident.

I like this argument. 

And Leslie, he is super visual.  I will crunch some numbers this afternoon, perhaps my sister the budget spreadsheet nazi will help me!  

 

stuzyq14

along with the money saved on gas and child care, you will also have a savings on your taxes - DH's salary alone should put you in a different tax bracket - thus more money in pocket, plus deductions for the babe and all.

weelass24

The "someone else raising your kids" is a BS arguement, IMO.  They are not raising your kid unless you let them.  It's also somewhat insulting to working mom's who don't have the luxury of staying home.  No one is raising my child, but me and my DH.

Of course, you aren't making that arguement to a working mom.  Maybe your DH will buy it.  I just don't think it is a very good point.

mrsadamc 05

stuzyq14:

along with the money saved on gas and child care, you will also have a savings on your taxes - DH's salary alone should put you in a different tax bracket - thus more money in pocket, plus deductions for the babe and all.

Sadly, we stay in the same tax bracket with or without my salary.  Frustrating because this is a good argument! 

mrsadamc 05

weelass24:

The "someone else raising your kids" is a BS arguement, IMO.  They are not raising your kid unless you let them.  It's also somewhat insulting to working mom's who don't have the luxury of staying home.  No one is raising my child, but me and my DH.

Of course, you aren't making that arguement to a working mom.  Maybe your DH will buy it.  I just don't think it is a very good point.

Wee, I was not trying to offend working moms.  I think it will work on Dh though. 

 

hippotree

weelass24:

The "someone else raising your kids" is a BS arguement, IMO.  They are not raising your kid unless you let them.  It's also somewhat insulting to working mom's who don't have the luxury of staying home.  No one is raising my child, but me and my DH.

Of course, you aren't making that arguement to a working mom.  Maybe your DH will buy it.  I just don't think it is a very good point.

I agree.  I hate this argument.  And Henry is extremely confident and attached to me, but he also LOVES his daycare provider.  And gets social interaction.  /rant

I say just do the math and if what you'll be bringing home after daycare/travel/work clothes/other work expenses is miniscule (try to break it down to the hour) then it will be worth it to stay at home.

And then suggest ways you can cut back on your budget to make up for the pay decrease.

Good luck!

weelass24

mrsadamc 05:

weelass24:

The "someone else raising your kids" is a BS arguement, IMO.  They are not raising your kid unless you let them.  It's also somewhat insulting to working mom's who don't have the luxury of staying home.  No one is raising my child, but me and my DH.

Of course, you aren't making that arguement to a working mom.  Maybe your DH will buy it.  I just don't think it is a very good point.

Wee, I was not trying to offend working moms.  I think it will work on Dh though. 

 

I knwo and I'm NOT trying to start the SAHM vs WM debate.  I juist think its a poor arguement and you can make your point without it.

swimrbride

Sounds like great points. I would probably make two budgets to show him, one with you working (and having to pay for gas, daycare) and one with you not working.

Mama_SAS

hippotree:

weelass24:

The "someone else raising your kids" is a BS arguement, IMO.  They are not raising your kid unless you let them.  It's also somewhat insulting to working mom's who don't have the luxury of staying home.  No one is raising my child, but me and my DH.

Of course, you aren't making that arguement to a working mom.  Maybe your DH will buy it.  I just don't think it is a very good point.

I agree.  I hate this argument.  And Henry is extremely confident and attached to me, but he also LOVES his daycare provider.  And gets social interaction.  /rant

I say just do the math and if what you'll be bringing home after daycare/travel/work clothes/other work expenses is miniscule (try to break it down to the hour) then it will be worth it to stay at home.

And then suggest ways you can cut back on your budget to make up for the pay decrease.

Good luck!

I was not a SAHM to begin with but eventually was able to become one. While I will never argue with or judge a mom who chooses not to, or is not able to SAH,  I did use every argument I thought of to convince DH, even if I didn't believe it.

caseybuchda

swimrbride:

Sounds like great points. I would probably make two budgets to show him, one with you working (and having to pay for gas, daycare) and one with you not working.

Definitely this.

preppynewlywed

For my DH it is all about the numbers especially since I am {probably} always going to make more once I graduate in May.

We've been debating this for weeks now, so honestly I have no extra insight.  We can't decide if one of us is going to stay home, if we're both going to work, nanny v. daycare, etc.

I would just make excel your friend and make it as obvious to him as possible.

ashdonne

Melaneigh:

Those are pretty good arguments.  It doesn't sound like your job offers many benefits.  Good luck!

This!  I would love and DH would love for me to stay home if it were feasible but I carry all our benefits and make about $1000 a month over what our daycare expense is.  So unfortunately it makes more sense for me to work.  Poop!  Good luck to you!!

BecauseICan

I currently SAH, and I have been home since the fall of '08.  Because I stay home, we have a smaller house, less spending money, live on a strict budget, and have to enjoy a simpler life.

If I DID go back to work, the extra money would be nice.  It would afford us some opportunities to do extra things that we can't afford to do now, and I have no doubt that DD would do just fine in day care.

But the biggest factor for us is quality of life.  If I go back to work, our mornings are rushed--trying to get everyone out the door (and on time!) and where they need to be...rushing home at night and trying to get dinner on the table...less time as a family...me being a grump b/c I have too much on my plate to handle...me being a grump b/c I'd rather be home... 

There are a lot of things that go along w/ having two working parents that make no amount of money really truly worth it for me right now.  That's not to say it can't be done, b/c obviously it can--women do it every day.  But if you CAN make it work, and you CHOOSE to make it work, it's worth the sacrifices you have to make to do so, IMO.