Flame away because I've seriously gone insane (kinda long)

Estellankase

So after all my drama with DH last night (he takes pain killers for spinal stenosis that affect his ability to perform) and a failed attempt at sex last night... which most likely rules us out for cycle 7... and then an encounter with a rude insurance lady that DH told we were TTC but failed to tell me he told her and I was blindsided by several, "when the baby comes." statements...

I was talking with a male friend and he made a joke, "if you want I'll knock you up."  and for HALF A SECOND I thought hmmm...

Of course I'm NOT going to cheat on DH and wouldn't want to have anyone else's baby but I couldn't help but think how much easier just being PG already would make our lives.  No more timed sex... no more getting angry for DH for taking medication during O time.  Just us and our family. 

Anyone else ever feel this way?  Or have I completely lost it?

t.bird

oy.

mchupie

No, I'm sorry I haven't ever felt that way.  TTC isn't as stressful for us as it sounds like it is for you.

Nova726

Fvcking some friend wouldn't even guarantee you got KU.  I've been TTC for 2 1/2 yrs, with DHs normal SA and I'm not KU.

And sorry, no, I've never reached that point.

Citygirl1015

I'm sorry, but I think you might have lost it! 

It seems like you are getting a little caught caught up in the TTC process, and losing sight of why you and DH wanted a baby together in the first place.

Beccaboo0713

Nope.

williaw

Er, no. If I am able to concieve a child, I want it to be DH's.

MrsB1010

No, sorry, I haven't reached that point of desperation yet.

Estellankase

I know I'm completely losing it.  I think we're going to take a long break from TTC.  I feel so much pressure that we need to have a baby before DH is paralyzed.

Estellankase

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

williaw

Estellankase:

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

Are you seeing a specialist? Maybe you should look in to freezing his sperm.

heathercara

I will be thinking of your DH and hoping things work out for him. I am so sorry that he is going through this and that is is affecting you so much.

kellinc1

williaw:

Estellankase:

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

Are you seeing a specialist? Maybe you should look in to freezing his sperm.

That is what I was going to say Williaw.....

OP...I can not imagine what you are going through right now and I am sorry that you have to go through it.  I get that you feel the "rushed" feeling.   There has to be some options for you and your DH that would allow you to be more at ease about the process.  You can't MAKE it happen and being stressed about it makes it worse.  Good luck!

Estellankase

williaw:

Estellankase:

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

Are you seeing a specialist? Maybe you should look in to freezing his sperm.

I brought this up to DH last night and I wish I could have PIP the look on his face... you would have think I slapped him. 

ECUGirl2004

In addition to seeing a specialist, have you and DH gone to see a therapist (together or seperately) to talk about his diagnosis?  It sounds like it's a very stressful and difficult situation.  Talking to a therapist could be really helpful!  I saw someone a few months ago when I was going through a rough time and it really helped me a lot.

j_luvs_r

I can't even imagine how I would feel if I were going through what the two of you are going through.  I really don't know what to say.  I'm sorry. ((hugs))

williaw

Estellankase:

williaw:

Estellankase:

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

Are you seeing a specialist? Maybe you should look in to freezing his sperm.

I brought this up to DH last night and I wish I could have PIP the look on his face... you would have think I slapped him. 

I am so sorry he didn't take it well. That is a very sensitive issue for men. My DH got very upset when the RE suggested IUI to us. I hope that you can sit down with him again and have a discussion about it. Hopefully with a little time to think about it he'll come around. ((hugs))

Estellankase

kellinc1:

williaw:

Estellankase:

DH really really really wants to be a father and the way it's progressing with his spinal stenosis... our time is so limited.  I feel like crying constantly and last night I just broke down.  It kills me to see him in pain constantly and it kills me to see him stop and stare at the baby aisle in target or hear him talk about how he hopes he will still be able to walk when we have kids.

Are you seeing a specialist? Maybe you should look in to freezing his sperm.

That is what I was going to say Williaw.....

OP...I can not imagine what you are going through right now and I am sorry that you have to go through it.  I get that you feel the "rushed" feeling.   There has to be some options for you and your DH that would allow you to be more at ease about the process.  You can't MAKE it happen and being stressed about it makes it worse.  Good luck!

For the past few months I've notified him a head of time... this is "the week" please don't take anything but he confessed a few days ago that doing that makes him feel like a "baby tool."  This cycle I decided not to say anything just to try and let things happen naturally but between him and I both being sick and the pain meds we haven't done anything.  I think I'm going to talk to my mom this weekend and see if she has any advice.  She knows the vibe of our relationship and DH's medical conditions.  <sigh>  thank you for all your support!  I would be lost without you ladies!

mrsf123

It sounds like you are going through a very stressful time ASIDE from the TTC.  IF you feel so much pressure that it needs to happen in a certain amount of time, I think you should go to an RE and get things in the works.  I saw someone mention a therapist and I think that is a really healthy thing when necessary (DH and I went to therapy for about 2 months to deal with a family situation and it was beyond helpful). GL to you!

Estellankase

ECUGirl2004:

In addition to seeing a specialist, have you and DH gone to see a therapist (together or seperately) to talk about his diagnosis?  It sounds like it's a very stressful and difficult situation.  Talking to a therapist could be really helpful!  I saw someone a few months ago when I was going through a rough time and it really helped me a lot.

DH and I talked about this last month.  He got a few recommendations from his primary for a therapist but he has yet to follow up and make an appointment.  I don't want to be too aggressive about it because I don't want him to shut me out.  I think we both need to see someone.  This diagnosis hit us both like a truck.  All of a sudden you see all of your plans fading away and all of your dreams falling out of reach and you panic. 

MJHershey

I second going to a therapist- you don't want resentment or fear simmer between you. At very least it is a safe place to share scary feelings you both have. 

Not aggressive- but be assertive "This is very important to me because I worry that this is causing more stress and anxiety than is healthy for us"

But that's the social worker in me.

Estellankase

MJLab78:

I second going to a therapist- you don't want resentment or fear simmer between you. At very least it is a safe place to share scary feelings you both have. 

Not aggressive- but be assertive "This is very important to me because I worry that this is causing more stress and anxiety than is healthy for us"

But that's the social worker in me.

LOL I love social workers.  My mom has been one for almost 10 years.

I think you're right.  Tonight I'm going to be assertative about it but like you said not aggressive.

hjk5000

If you were anyone else but Estella I would say you've lost it, but there is obviously a lot going on.  I'm sorry you're going though this!

mrsf123

Estellankase:

DH and I talked about this last month.  He got a few recommendations from his primary for a therapist but he has yet to follow up and make an appointment.  I don't want to be too aggressive about it because I don't want him to shut me out. 

What worked for me was that I told DH that *I* needed to talk to someone and I wanted him to come with *me* because it would help *me*.  That way, DH didn't feel like I was pressuring him to do something.  Hope this helps!

ECUGirl2004

You can also lead by example with therapy.  If he's not ready for it, you can go alone.  I am sure you will find it helpful, and maybe by telling him how much it is helping you, it will encourage him to go. 

 Also, you may want to call a therapist and see if they recommend seeing you together or separate.  They may want to do a mixture of both.

FYI- if your work (or DH's work) has an Employee Assistance Program, you should be able to see a therapist for free for a few visits.  That's how I found my therapist and it was very easy (and it's confidential - your employers don't know that you're using it).

I was always freaked out about seeing a therapist, but now that I've seen how helpful it is, I think I'd go see someone at the drop of a hat! 

Estellankase

ECUGirl2004:

You can also lead by example with therapy.  If he's not ready for it, you can go alone.  I am sure you will find it helpful, and maybe by telling him how much it is helping you, it will encourage him to go. 

 Also, you may want to call a therapist and see if they recommend seeing you together or separate.  They may want to do a mixture of both.

FYI- if your work (or DH's work) has an Employee Assistance Program, you should be able to see a therapist for free for a few visits.  That's how I found my therapist and it was very easy (and it's confidential - your employers don't know that you're using it).

I was always freaked out about seeing a therapist, but now that I've seen how helpful it is, I think I'd go see someone at the drop of a hat! 

That's a really good idea.  I didn't think of going by myself first.  DH has been to a therapist in the past but hasn't seen one in years.  We both work for the same company but I think our insurance covers the cost of at least a few visits. 

Estellankase

hjk5000:

If you were anyone else but Estella I would say you've lost it, but there is obviously a lot going on.  I'm sorry you're going though this!

In some weird way that made me laugh and i definitely needed to laugh! LOL thank you!