S/O: New Statement

isabella22

From a response in my post below:

"The bottom line is that self confidence and self worth are earned, they aren't something a mom can inclucate with pet names or praise."

Do you think that self confidence and self worth are earned?

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It makes me shudder to think that my daughter has to earn self confidence and self worth.  Personally, I think that these are a given right, that everyone should have self confidence and everyone has self worth.  It is our responsibility as parents to help our children develop both in themself, not earn it.

Jodi&Joe

Maybe they are earned...and that's why I don't have any?!?!  I don't like hard work! 

cooker71

What the hell? How are they "earned?" That kind of makes me sick.

xbrooklyngrl

I totally agree with you. Trust and respect are earned, not self confidence. We have to equip our children with that!

ppants

I have read that you should praise a child for a specific act ie "Wow you wrote your name.  You're so smart."  rather than just blanket your'e smart, wonderful, etc.  This is what I try and do.

mlm1128

I don't agree with a lot of the stuff in that post, so I guess I'mm the wrong person to answer the question.

I was treated like a princess.  I am not spoiled or self entitled. It made me self confident, it made me know how i wanted to be treated by people, etc. I have worked my butt off all my life for the things I wanted, nothing was handed to me. I did chores, sand so does dd.  I do not think princess = bratty. 

femmegem

That's sad. I think self confidence and self worth should be inherent in everyone. Unfortunately, they aren't. But I certainly don't think you should have to earn them.

I do think, though, that just hearing empty praise isn't a way to get them either, so maybe that's what the poster meant? My parents told me all the time how beautiful and smart I was, and I still had no self confidence when I was younger.

Not that I think these things shouldn't be said, I'm just saying that saying them doesn't necessarily impart good feelings about oneself, if that makes sense.

femmegem

mrs_sexy:

I have read that you should praise a child for a specific act ie "Wow you wrote your name.  You're so smart."  rather than just blanket your'e smart, wonderful, etc.  This is what I try and do.

Ditto this. I've also read that it's better to praise a child for trying or working hard rather than for being smart, because then if they can't do something later they might think it's because they're just not smart enough and give up instead of just applying themselves more. I'm not sure how true that is, but that's what I've read.

mlm1128

I want to add...I do not just praise dd for nothing.  She needs to do something specific.  She also gets spoken to (more often than not lately) about things that she can improve on with her behavior.

Bellisimo

Sounds like whoever posted that is confused.  Exactly how does one "earn" self confidence or worth???  Maybe "earned" is not the word they were looking for.  If so, I strongly disagree. 

kittycarr

WTF?  Exactly how does one earn self confidence?  Who is the idiot that said that dumb sh*t?

JOEBunny

I don't have self worth because I sat on my butt on the nest.  I have it because I worked hard first in school, then in business, because I have good relationships with friends (that I work on), DH, my children, ect. 

I do think you have to earn it.  I absolutely think it can't be given to them by a bunch of complements, if there is no underlying basis for them.  I don't get the whole "everyone has a right" comment, it is not something you can legislate, like the right to equal opportunity, only something you can encourage and develop in your child.

Zenya

I don't find that offensive. 

Maybe 'earned' is not quite the right word but I do not think it's anything that we can bestow upon someone.  My own self confidence has been slowly build up through the years through action and success.  And failure, too!  But it has certainly been 'built'... not assumed.

buffalo_buckeye

Maybe she meant "learned" not earned. Kinda fits a little better for me. Some kids might be born with lots of self confidence and might lose some along the way. Other kids, like my ds, are often unsure of themselves and need to be reinforced. Hopefully with lots of praise and positive reinforcement he will have "learned" how to be confident in himself.

kittycarr

I become more confident when compliments are dished out my way....

Andrewsgal

kittycarr:

I become more confident when compliments are dished out my way....

Great point! How beautiful do I feel when DH makes a comment about me?