DH TTC vent
Estellankase
member
I feel like DH is screwing up our chances at TTC.
Background - DH is diagnosed with spinal stenosis in September and is told it's aggressive and it will paralyze him... when we don't know. It's very painful and he's on a cocktail of pain killers and muscle relaxors. We were going to wait until 2012 to TTC since we got married in July and I wanted to work on my career BUT given his condition we decided to start now.
Present - We're on cycle 7 and I feel like everytime I ovulate he takes a muscle relaxor or a pain killer (which affect's his ability to ejaculate TMI I know). When I confronted him with this his response was, "I feel like you only want to have sex when you're ovulating and you're using me as a tool."
GRRRR!!!
It's not that I only want to have sex when I'm ovulating but I try to pre-warn him hoping that he won't take any medication. We can still have sex while he's on the medication but it lasts forever... literally forever with no baby making end result. So frustrating!
Re: DH TTC vent
after anovulatory diagnosis and TTC for 1 1/2yrs with several medicated cycles and one chemical pregnancy, we have our first bundle of joy!
IT'S A GIRL!
#2 EDD 2/5/13 dx with anti-BIG E antibody, seeing a MFM
I don't take one single minute for granted.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
A question though - DO you have sex when you aren't ovulating? I mean on a regular basis? Maybe you should just not tell him any more and try and catch him when he hasn't taken any medication. And do it during ovulation and other times.
Wow, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that you said that you have no idea when this could paralyze him, but do you even know if it's more of a short term possibility or a long term?
Basically what I'm trying to get to, is that you might want to at least consider freezing sperm. GL to you hun, and I really hope you get your BFP soon.
I am so sorry. Im a physical therapist and deal with a lot of people with stenosis. Has he tried PT yet? What about a home TENS unit to manage pain??
I def dont want to tell you what to do b/c you know your situation BEST for sure. What about making initiating sex on non-ovulating times..... or make it seem less "clinical". My DH seems not enjoy it as much if he knows its "just for baby making"..... so I try to make it fun and kinky (TMI????) or something. Then on a day that I think I might be O-ing I will initiate the sex..... and usually I have no issue getting him in the mood w/out telling him its for "baby making".... I understand 100% that your DH is on meds so its harder to be spontaneous like that...but maybe try doing it before he takes his pill or something???
I am so sorry you have to go through this =(. chronic pain is so hard
That's what I'm trying. Our sex life has definitely suffered since there's such a strain on it with all the medication. He yelled at me (yes yelled) because I didn't want to a few days ago when he had a sinus infection and was coughing/sneezing/hacking. He didn't understand that yes... it's been a month... I'm frustrated and annoyed too... but there's no bigger turn off then your hubs coughing up yellow stuff and then saying give me a smooch!
Thanks! In December DH was able to stapler his thigh with a stapler and not feel it... so we're guessing we have maybe 5 years or so. We've already started the process with disability through work so now he can call out sick whenever he needs to without being fired. I never thought about the freezing... I may run it by him and see how he feels about it.
He tried PT a few times and each time he gives up. DH is also over weight (with a BMI of 39 or so) and he has very little motivation to lose weight or to excercise at all... even if it will make him feel better. I'll look into the Tens unit. I'm a medical sales rep so I have a few contacts that may be able to get me one. I tried the past two nights but he had already taken the meds. He takes them right as we're leaving work so they "kick in" by the time we get home.
Maybe have sex in the morning before he takes the meds?
Also, guys are visual and have poor memories, well, more like selective memories. Maybe keeping a calendar where he can see it of when you have sex? The visual reference of how frequently you really get in some sexy time may help him feel like less of a "tool".
That's a really good idea. So many times he'll think it's been much longer than it has.