Irate, and completely unable to do anything about it- LONG

Celtic Ember

First off, flame away here, I need some perspective so I can calm down.

My brother got married 3 years ago. He was 47, she was 44, and it was first marriage for both of them. They were married fast (within 6 months of meeting) mostly because my dad was dying and my brother wanted him to be at his wedding.

Fast foward to last year, when my SIL starts acting very irratically and it comes out that she has some fairly severe mental health issues (that she had every right not to broadcast, my brother knew). These issues started effecting both their lives to the point where she decided that their whole marriage was a mistake, and she had been pretending to like the three things that made up my brother's life- cars (and car races), video games, and hockey. She took off her wedding rings, moved into the spare room, and informed him they were now roomates- not a married couple. He spent the next year trying to help her work through things and save their marriage.

Right after the big hockey game on Sunday, she has the Divorce discussion with him. She's moving out June 1st. All he knows is that she isn't going after the house, his vintage car, or his pension. She took off to BC to visit her mom.

So why then, do I feel so personally betrayed? I LIKED her. Now I feel like I didn't know her at all- and she's screwed with my family.

drewiekc

I can understand.  But if her mental health issues are that severe, then it's not really something she can help.  However, it's unfortunate that she isnt willing to seek professional help to deal with them.  Sh*tty situation for all involved.

MotherBucker

Well, sounds like in a way she duped you all.  Not necessarily your brother, if he knew about the issues. But you welcomed her into your family, and now she's backing out.

 

I'm sure once the shock wears off you won't feel so betrayed, but I can understand where you are coming from. 

silkyhorse

That's so sad!  I think it's completely normal to feel betrayed - it's your brother and she hurt him. 

mzovoce

You feel so betrayed because it's your brother and your family involved. You wlecomed her into your lives and now she is just up and leaving. No matter what anyone says about her mental issues it will be almost impossible for you to not be somewhat upset, try and accept those feelings and move on though, that's the best thing to do.

AliciaCM

i think I would feel equally betrayed. Granted it isn't her fault, but you still accepted her as a SIL and cared about her and now you are finding out that she took advantage of it (essentially) I'm sure like PP said you will feel a little bit better about it after you adjust to the idea...

Chickpea2010

I don't think this is flameworthy. Sounds like you are very loyal to your family, which is a good thing! I would be very upset, too, and I would definitely feel betrayed if my SIL did something like this.

It's unfortunate that her issues are manifesting in this way. I hope your brother can get through it. Surely having a niece/nephew on the way will give him something pleasant to look forward to!

nabiasi

This situation totally sucks.  I think it's completely normal to feel betrayed and hurt as a sister.  I felt this way when my aunt divorced my uncle. I wasn't super close with her.. but close enough! The after effects of the divorce on my uncle have been awful. He's just not the same person anymore.  What's worse is they have a little girl together who is amazing! And I never get to see her b/c the mom moved out of state about 3 hrs away. She's my god-daughter too.  So... I feel your pain.  The best thing you can do is just be as supportive of your brother as you can.  But don't feel guilty about feeling betrayed.. I think it's completely normal and understandable!

Celtic Ember

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the support.

My brother has a long line of women screwing him over- back to his mother. Not going into details on that, but she really, really messed with him and they haven't spoken since 1986. I guess we all thought that he finally had someone at his side to love and support him, and that's probably what's making this even harder.