WWYD- August logistics — The Bump
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WWYD- August logistics

In August when I have the baby, I currently don't have anyone to watch Evie while we are at the hospital.   Which would be anywhere from 2-5 days depending on if I VBAC or not. 

Initially, my best friend was going to take Evie, but at this point, I feel like her daughter is too much of a bully and I feel like if I'm not there, Evie will just get bullied and no one will do anything about it.   That is my biggest worry with that.  

We then talked about asking my SIL (my brothers wife) to fly down and stay with Evie.   She was up for that and we've gone back and forth with some ideas.    The biggest problem being when to buy a ticket for her if we don't know when we actually need her.  I think I can just buy travel insurance so we can change the ticket though.   They also talked about the whole family coming (brother, SIL, niece) and taking the camper down here.   I would pay for gas and tolls and I can't even fathom how much a truck and camper gas would cost.     Although, probably in line with a flight from BOS to ATL.     So far, flights I've looked at have not been cheap.

But the thing is, now I'm starting to feel like I'm putting them out.   They casually mentioned how they are going to skip their usual Maine camping trip to come down.    And Marrianne asked me when we need her so they can request time off from work.      Well, I thought I had made it clear I have no idea.   My due date is Aug 21, but that means pretty much nothing.   Also, they would need 2 days of driving time on each end.   And I have no idea how many days I need them for.   

I'm starting to think of scraping the idea of having them come.

Most normal people have grandparents who they trust to come stay with their kids, who are retired and no one worries about time off.   But my IL's don't even hold Evie, never mind change a diaper.  Plus they could potentially do something crazy like take her to get her ears pierced.   (or, God forbid, worse!)   Also, they are horrid drivers so I would never let Evie in a car that one of them was behind the wheel of.

Then there's my mom.   I would need a baby sitter for my mom, never mind Evie.  And forget my dad.  In Evie's entire life, he's spent about 3 hours with her.   (About an hour each time we visit.)

I don't know what to do.   What would you do?   Let E stay with friend who may let my kid get beat up?  There's also the other idea in my head that Evie would be secondary and since she is not going to be an only child at the end of it, I kind of don't want her to be sharing the spotlight for how ever many days I'm gone, you know?    I wanted her to have one on one attention and also stay at her own house.  

Or would you ask your family to be inconvenienced.  

Or should I just stay at the hospital by myself and have Nico stay at home with Evie.

I have another sister who lives in Greenville and a 16 year old niece.   I asked if she could come down and Melinda never answered me, which is annoying.   

Sorry this is so long.  My mind is constantly racing with this.     

Re: WWYD- August logistics

  • Ugh, I'm sorry!  It is such a mind drain to think about this and get everything planned out, I totally remember this.  I had maps drawn out for everyone on where our daycare was, extra keys made for everyone under the sun, security system codes, daily schedules typed up, like 5 different overnight bags for Finn depending on the scenario and who would be taking him.  I feel you.  but our choices were a bit easier, so I'm really sorry yours are not.  :(    we have one set of grandparents who unfortunately went on their month long vacation to Florida about 3 days before Riley was born so even though they normally are an option (even though they live in Indiana), they were not this time around.  So we used friends, two sets actually.  One that lives a half block down the road and another that lived farther away but that we've known for about a hundred years.  both have little girls that are within two weeks age range of Finn and neither of which ever bully him but love him to pieces and smother him in kisses.  But knowing it is only for a few days, I think I would go with the friends who live so close to you guys, it will make things ultimately easier, and 2-5 days shouldn't scar Evie.  Also, you could possibly have a family member come once you know for sure the baby is here, like maybe fly your SIL then and if you're paying for the ticket it shouldn't then alter their annual trip plans.  but, if your best friend is really your only friend that could help take her for a few days, then I'd go with that option, because sounds like it will be easiest.  sorry I've rambled a bit.
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  • It really sounds like Marrianne is willing to come down and help out. Airlines do help folks when things get tight. But even if they're driving down, it won't take long for them to get here and they can care for Evie the rest of the time.

    Is it possible you guys could get Evie into a daycare situation in the next month or so? That would take a lot of the worry off your hands for the daytime and Nico would just need to be home at night for her. Someone could come sit at the hospital with you overnight and help you with the baby. I could totally do that. 

    Or seriously, I'll take Evie for some time. It's good you're thinking about all of this ahead of time, but take a second and breathe! You'll figure it out! :)

    Lil' G was born April 25, 2008! Big C was born September 28, 2011! Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • What kind of bullying is it?  Is there a chance Evie could really get hurt?  Do you trust your friend to intercede if it gets really bad?  Could you have a conversation with your friend about the bullying? My inclination would be to go for the friends with the bully (as long as you talked about the bullying before hand).  It's very possible that the bullying is just a phase (although it seems like it's been going one for a while?) and/or that Evie will start standing up for herself.  Sam had a friend who was constantly bullying for about a 6 month period, and now it's like it never happened. If you leave Evie with your friends, Nico could always check up on her, and stay with you at night. 

    The family thing sounds pretty messy and complicated.  I am the kind of person that doesn't like to feel like I owe people something, so that situation (with them skipping vacation and taking off work) would make me feel uncomfortable.  On the other hand, if I felt my child would be in real danger, I would go for the family and screw the complications.

    One other possibility - start looking for a nanny/babysitter that you really trust.  You have several months to find one and for Evie to get comfortable with her.  As you get farther into your pregnancy you may want some help anyway (like one day a week).  When you're interviewing, just make sure that you tell them you're looking for someone who can be there for Evie during your delivery.   This might be more expensive than a plane ticket, but could be a better option overall...

  • Yikes, that is complicated.  I think I would go with the local friend, at least initially.  I really doubt that her daughter could bully Evie enough to do any permanent damage... Evie may even learn to stick up for herself so it could be a good thing!  Then, if your family still wants to drive down, you could call them the minute you go into labor.  Evie will be fine with your friend for a couple days until they can get here.  I mean, it would probably just be during the daytime right- DH would go home with her for the night?  Or is he planning to stay at the hospital with you?  The other option is to just hire a sitter to stay with her at your house the whole time.  Honestly, this is probably the lowest stress option. 

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  • saw the other posts about overnight and thought I would add in what we did as a whole just to give you options to think about.  At the time Finn was still in daycare, so the morning of, we dropped Finn off at daycare on our way to the hospital, at the usual time we would pick Finn up, DH drove from the hospital to the daycare, picked him up, drove him to our friends house, stayed and had dinner with them and did the bath bedtime routine and then once Finn was in bed DH came back to the hospital with me.  in the morning he went back, picked up Finn, dropped him off at daycare and came back to the hospital...repeat, repeat, repeat.  We did it this way just so DH could still spend time with Finn since everything was a little jumbled, we didn't want to throw him off completely.
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  • imagehthomas02:
    saw the other posts about overnight and thought I would add in what we did as a whole just to give you options to think about.  At the time Finn was still in daycare, so the morning of, we dropped Finn off at daycare on our way to the hospital, at the usual time we would pick Finn up, DH drove from the hospital to the daycare, picked him up, drove him to our friends house, stayed and had dinner with them and did the bath bedtime routine and then once Finn was in bed DH came back to the hospital with me.  in the morning he went back, picked up Finn, dropped him off at daycare and came back to the hospital...repeat, repeat, repeat.  We did it this way just so DH could still spend time with Finn since everything was a little jumbled, we didn't want to throw him off completely.

    Heather, I like this idea.    Nico will be off from work anyhow, so he can always check in on Evie.    Thanks guys.  I think I am going to do the awkward conversation route.  

  • I agree that if you are going to be paying for airfare and camper gas, etc...it's probably be easier to hire a sitter for the daytime so that Nico can be at the hospital. Since you are delivering at Nside you will be able to put the baby in the nursery at night so that you can rest. I am willing to take Evie I could even just take her for the day and then she could be home at night with Nico(post birth of course). Also what about talking to L about E and making sure she watches the two of them closely. I know she is not good at stepping in and that you have mentioned this to her before but maybe a real heart to heart is needed. Also, she(Evie) is probably going to be very excited about the baby and she may want to come hang at the hospital with you guys and watch movies. I agree you need a plan but maybe Nico will just be at the hospital less time and your friends will come keep you company or you can have one on one time with just the baby and rest, since once you get home you will have to split your attention. Hope that wasn't a rambly mess.
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  • I had another thought too.. since your family wants to come but really needs a set date... why not just tell them to come on your due date or a week after.  Even if baby is already here, you could probably use the extra help with Evie those first few weeks.  Since they will have their own camper you won't have to worry about the houseguest stuff- you can just focus on BF and recovering and getting to know your new LO while they help entertain her. 

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  • Michelle where are you having your baby?  I am willing to help you out if you need it.  Nate won't beat up Evie.  If you want to do playdates to see how it would work out let me know, You know my email:)
  • Do you have any WAH mom friends who have older and independent kids who you could trust to come and stay with Evie at your house? Even though we're not TTC #2 yet, I do think about logistics b/c we have no family here. However, we do have a dear single friend whose kids are grown and out of the house. She'd be the one we'd ask to come and stay with DS.
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  • imageslwprincess:
    Yikes, that is complicated.  I think I would go with the local friend, at least initially.  I really doubt that her daughter could bully Evie enough to do any permanent damage... Evie may even learn to stick up for herself so it could be a good thing!  Then, if your family still wants to drive down, you could call them the minute you go into labor.  Evie will be fine with your friend for a couple days until they can get here.  I mean, it would probably just be during the daytime right- DH would go home with her for the night?  Or is he planning to stay at the hospital with you?  The other option is to just hire a sitter to stay with her at your house the whole time.  Honestly, this is probably the lowest stress option. 

    Agree.

  • I'm also happy to help out with Evie.   I remember this feeling all too well....and honestly in the end I just wound up spending alot of time alone with Avery while Colin took care of Harrison.   I only remember a few hours he was at the hospital with me...even though it was over Christmas.  
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