Shower for someone who is already a mom — The Bump
Baby Showers

Shower for someone who is already a mom

My SIL is PG with her second child in 3 years, but this baby is a girl and her first was a boy. MY family just always throws a shower for each baby, but my In Laws think its rude to hold more than 1 baby shower per person in a lifetime. My MIL was the one that told me no one was doing a second shower for her so I suggested I throw one. She told me it was rude to. Granted, my SIL and I really arent close at all (not even entirely sure she likes me), but still, I think she should have this baby celebrated as well.

Anyone else ever heard of not throwing a second shower for the second baby? Am I wrong and it really is rude to throw a second shower? I figured as long as mom wasnt the one throwing it, who cares? But let me have your opinions on the matter please:)

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Re: Shower for someone who is already a mom

  • I don't get the whole "but this one is a different gender" thing. Ok...and???

    You can celebrate a baby without having a baby shower. If you want to celebrate the baby then have a party or a dinner, not a baby shower because the purpose of a shower isn't to celebrate a baby- it's to give the parents gifts. With that in mind, yes it's tacky, especially if it wasn't that long ago when a person had the last shower.

    But most people these days don't really care and do what they want. So go ahead, shower away, but don't be surprised if there are people who find it rude and tacky. 

     

  • I'm totally for throwing another baby shower! I think every baby should be celebrated, and I don't think people take the word "shower" literally anymore...atleast not where I live. To me, a "shower" just means a party to celebrate the mom to be and her unborn baby, so yes, you should honor her with a shower. If your MIL, or anyone else thinks it's rude, they do not have to come.
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  • I've never known anyone to host a shower for a second-time Mom. 

  • imageToBeFrank:

    I don't get the whole "but this one is a different gender" thing. Ok...and???

    You can celebrate a baby without having a baby shower. If you want to celebrate the baby then have a party or a dinner, not a baby shower because the purpose of a shower isn't to celebrate a baby- it's to give the parents gifts. With that in mind, yes it's tacky, especially if it wasn't that long ago when a person had the last shower.

    But most people these days don't really care and do what they want. So go ahead, shower away, but don't be surprised if there are people who find it rude and tacky. 

     

    There was no need to Flame based on that question. "Yes I would think it's rude to host a second shower, and maybe you can just throw a party instead" would have sufficed. 

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  • I think every family is different in what they do regarding showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc.. children.  While it is something your family does, since your in-laws do NOT do this and since you and your SIL are not that close (you said) I would just let it go.  If it is not something their family does, everyone may take issue with it.  You don't want to offend anyone. 

    If that situation comes about with someone on your side of the family - throw them a shower if you want, but I would leave this situation alone.

    If, after the baby is born, you want to throw a "welcome baby" party, then I guess you could do that.  Again though, if you aren't that close to your SIL, you might just want to let it go. 

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  • I think if you want to throw her a shower, you should offer!  It's really nice of you!  And if their family thinks it's rude to have a second shower, offer that she could just invite her closest friends.  If she felt weird about it, offer to throw her a "Welcome Baby" party.
  • imagekaraknr:
    imageToBeFrank:

    I don't get the whole "but this one is a different gender" thing. Ok...and???

    You can celebrate a baby without having a baby shower. If you want to celebrate the baby then have a party or a dinner, not a baby shower because the purpose of a shower isn't to celebrate a baby- it's to give the parents gifts. With that in mind, yes it's tacky, especially if it wasn't that long ago when a person had the last shower.

    But most people these days don't really care and do what they want. So go ahead, shower away, but don't be surprised if there are people who find it rude and tacky. 

     

    There was no need to Flame based on that question. "Yes I would think it's rude to host a second shower, and maybe you can just throw a party instead" would have sufficed. 

    I really don't think that she was flaming you. You asked a question that she answered and added why most people feel it is tacky to have a 2nd shower. There was nothing rude, mean or inappropriate about her answer. I assure you that in Bump Land her answer was worded very nicely. Some of these ladies will say things that will make your flesh melt.

  • imagecutebride73:

    I think every family is different in what they do regarding showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc.. children.  While it is something your family does, since your in-laws do NOT do this and since you and your SIL are not that close (you said) I would just let it go.  If it is not something their family does, everyone may take issue with it.  You don't want to offend anyone. 

    If that situation comes about with someone on your side of the family - throw them a shower if you want, but I would leave this situation alone.

    If, after the baby is born, you want to throw a "welcome baby" party, then I guess you could do that.  Again though, if you aren't that close to your SIL, you might just want to let it go. 

    Yeah this was what I was thinking. I have just never heard of it being rude to have 2. (shocking, I dont know everything haha). I probably wont throw anything at all since it seems like no one wants to do it. It wasnt ever a matter of me really wanting to throw her a shower (idc, I just didnt want her feelings to be hurt), but they obviously wont be haha. Thanks for the advice though!

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  • imageToBeFrank:

    I don't get the whole "but this one is a different gender" thing. Ok...and???

    You can celebrate a baby without having a baby shower. If you want to celebrate the baby then have a party or a dinner, not a baby shower because the purpose of a shower isn't to celebrate a baby- it's to give the parents gifts. With that in mind, yes it's tacky, especially if it wasn't that long ago when a person had the last shower.

    But most people these days don't really care and do what they want. So go ahead, shower away, but don't be surprised if there are people who find it rude and tacky. 

     

    I think the whole thing with the opposite gender with a second shower is that many second time moms haven't kept everything from their first or had bought very gender specific things. For example, my sisters who both had girls first bought all pink things, right down to the travel system! Thank goodness my one sister had two girls. Also I'm having a girl after having a boy, I have very few things left over from my first child and many of the things I do have left are either in disrepair or covered in footballs, lol. Op I had never heard of a second shower being tacky until I came to this website. They're very common in my family.but if they're not in your SIL's it may make her uncomfortable. I've always liked the idea of a welcome baby party (what we are actually planning to do) so you might offer to hold one of those instead?
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  • imagekaraknr:
    I probably wont throw anything at all since it seems like no one wants to do it. It wasnt ever a matter of me really wanting to throw her a shower (idc, I just didnt want her feelings to be hurt), but they obviously wont be haha.

    I agree that's the best way to go.  You already know her preference, and you're saving her from being in the awkward position of politely and graciously declining your offer.  Less awkwardness all around is always a good thing - and doubly so when pregnancy hormones are involved.

  • What does your SIL think?  You should ask her and if she is comfortable with it, go ahead. MIL does not have to attend if she thinks it is rude-- just invite SIL's friends.
  • imageLegally Nads:
    What does your SIL think?  You should ask her and if she is comfortable with it, go ahead. MIL does not have to attend if she thinks it is rude-- just invite SIL's friends.

    Honestly, SIL is kindof mean. I think if i mentioned it and she really hated the idea she'd make me feel really bad for trying to be nice. If she were a more approachable person I would totally just ask her what she wanted me to do. But she's just not. Again, if we were close this probably wouldnt even be an issue because I would've gone to her in the first place. 

    To PP: yeah, its common practice in my family to throw more than 1 shower, I hadnt heard otherwise until MIL said something so it's a totally new concept to me. I agree, I think for a second gender sometimes you just need some new things. But, I think that for any new kid youre going to have to buy SOME new things anyway. Fortunatly SIL has pretty non specific items as far as the big stuff when she had her first. But she will still need nursery decore, clothes, bibs, more bottles, more binkies, more blankets, a new boopie cover... ect... HOWEVER, I get that not all people think its necessary.

    Im just gonna buy her something nice for the nursery and be done with it lol. 

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  • I was having the same problem because my husband asked when i was having my baby shower for 2nd Baby, and my mother said it wasnt proper ettiquet to have more than one baby shower. My husbands family throws a shower no matter how many babies you have and had never heard of this rule. so i guess it just depends on the family, and i think its a really good idea to throw a "welcome baby party" or just call the shower by another name in order not to offend anyone one either side.
  • In my family and with my friends we celebrate every single baby. No one finds it rude or tacky or inappropriate. In fact as soon as someone says they are pregant everyone starts planning. I am probably the only one in my family to have a women only shower. Ever. That was an uproar and yet it seems like in other parts co-ed showers are not the norm.

    I think the first thing you should do is offer to have a shower for your SIL. If she says no thank you then there is no point in this discussion. If she says yes then go from there. She may want something small or nothing at all.

    BTW - don't take other's opinions too personally. I tend to think that people forget that their way is not the only way. They don't consider other cultures, traditions, points of view and believe their own idea of etiquette is always right. It can be self rightous at times but you did ask for opinions & they mean well.

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