I was talking to my MIL about the possibility of miscarrying one or both of my babies and she starts telling me about a character on Desperate Housewives who had a vanishing twin. Is it supposed to make me feel better that a fictional character lost a twin?
Re: MIL is so stupid
I say throat punch. The fact is, most people don't get it until they go throw this type of loss. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us that have lost- yet, we are somehow sort of alone in the bigger picture.
I am sorry you had to deal w/ insensitivities. Perhaps there is a better support person to talk w/ in the future (besides us of course).
I am so sorry for your loss.
People are really ignorant when it comes to this issue.
If I had a dollar for every "you can try again" or "at least you know you can get pregnant" or my very favorite "it was for the best/something was probably wrong with it" then I could afford a lawyer to defend me on all the throat-punching charges!!
You have my sympathies and shared irritation...
If someone told me this, I would start screaming. What is wrong with people? How can you not relize that its not appropriate to tell pregnant women this stuff, especially one who's suffered a loss.
Mommy to DS#1 7/1/04 and DS#2 6/15/07
M/C 2/16/10 at 9wks 5 days~ D&C 2/18/10
BFP#4 5/17/11 C/P.
BFP#5 11/30/12 Surprise! DS#3 born 7/29/13
BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12
Unfortunately most everyone is this ignorant about what to say - I heard ALL 3 of those things in the days I was miscarrying before my D&C. And, mind you, no one knew we were pregnant (including our families) and we only told our parents and my boss when we miscarried...
I also loved when my MIL said she was "angry and yelling at god because she lost her first grandchild" - right, like it's all about her.
Someone posted that people think they are being supportive and I tend to agree that their intentions are probably good. But what if you lost your toddler. Would they say "It's ok, you can have another" or "Chin up, there was probably something wrong with it" or "Well at least you know you can get pregnant"? No, because they see a born child differently than an unborn child - and to me they are not different, they are your child nonetheless. There's the ignorance right there....