So, G and I have largely been on the same page about fertility treatments and adoption. He has always been very supportive of me throughout all the IUIs and IVF, FETs etc. He has always been clear with what he would like to do (perhaps pursue IVF one more time) but that it was my body and this is ultimately my decision.
After our failed FETs we put in the application for adoption and I feel such an immense relief and serenity with this new path. Looking back I feel like IVF was this black hole of hellish emotions, constant tension, fear and unhappiness. Not to mention the physical part of the pain of the ER process (I couldn't get off the couch for 3 days afterwards) and constant crippling exhaustion from all the drugs, instant weight gain etc. Basically, I feel like it was hell and I'm on the other side and it is so much better. I feel happy again, I feel like we are back to ourselves.
G's brother had a baby this week though, and all of a sudden he is really upset. And wants to try IVF, and is starting to ask why we aren't pursuing it actively right now. We had a talk last night about it, and I get that he is clearly acting out because he is sad about this, but he said that it feels like he is the only one who really wants a baby now. I am content to wait for the adoption to happen because I know that it will, and all of a sudden he is feeling like it won't happen and we need to start doing treatments again until we get one or the other. He just wants the fastest way to get a baby. (our clinic is fine with us doing treatments while on the list)
I'm not sure what to think. On the one hand, I am open to doing another round of IVF. Our doctors recommended it, G really wants it and I have to admit, I have some curiousity about it. But on the other hand, I feel like this is just such a bad time. I am up for a promotion at work this summer and I really need to be on my A game for the next few months to prove that I deserve it, I can't afford a dip in my productivity. I feel really commited to the adoption process and if we got pregnant, I think I would grieve never seeing this through. And to be perfectly honest, just thinking about walking into the clinic makes my throat feel like it's closing over.
I'd like for us to see a counselor about this, just to help us get on the same page again, but not sure G will go. He sees counselling as something to do only when there is a big problem and our marriage is in trouble, which it's not. But I am just struggling with how to support him but balance our needs when they are sort of at cross purposes right now.
Sorry, this turned really long. I'm not sure what I am after, but can anyone offer some perspective? Advice? Opinions?