Agency Meeting Went Terrible — The Bump

Agency Meeting Went Terrible

After 18 months of crap with them we are truly done. They called us at the beginning of February and ACTED like we were coming in to discuss the program.

Well we walked in excited and thinking FINALLY it's happening but they slammed the door in our faces again. And we were stupid enough to think it was going to be fine?!

Apparently, even after they approved our home study, they want my husband to get counseling over his relationships with his family. My husband always "gives" and they always "take". The agency said we are the "perfect adoptive couple" but they want him to get counseled over his losses. But they don't mean just 5 or 6 sessions ... they were saying this may take a year or more. They even brought up cutting ties with his family and distancing ourselves since we live 30 mins apart. Yes, the word moving was even brought up!

This is NUTS! My husband looked at them and said you just want everyone to be perfect?! He also made the comment, which I was about to make, that at first they wanted us to try and have more contact with them b/c in adoption they really want both sides of the families involved, yet now they want us to cut all ties with them?!

Needless to say, we are cutting ties with them. We can't take the ups and downs. I said doesn't us already being parents show you anything at all? We've proved our family is healthy and so is our daughter.

I am just so frustrated right now ...

Re: Agency Meeting Went Terrible

  • I am sorry they are giving you so much grief.  {{hugs}}
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  • Sounds like it's definitely time to find a new agency. Hugs.
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  • I am speechless...after all they have put you through! You are so right to move on.
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  • Thanks ladies. That was the last chance we could give. And we still walked out of there feeling down, just like the times before.
  • I am so sorry.  Adoption is rarely an easy road, but your experience with this agency has been rougher than most.  It sounds like it is time to cut ties with the agency.  I hope you find a new one who can help you on your journey.
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  • i'm so sorry.  i wish you a better journey ahead.  (((HUGS)))
    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
  • Wow!I am so sorry that they have been giving you such grief. I am glad though that you cut ties with them. They are just ridiculous! I wish you a much smoother road ahead ((HUGS))
  • Completely unbelievable.  :(
  • Sorry they are continuing to make you jump through hoops.

    Better to move on at this point, no matter how much money you will lose.

    TTC #1 for over 5 years - too many to count IF treatments (tried everything and anything), repeat miscarriages. Finally, Sticky Success!! B/G Twins arrived 2011. VOTE on my Name List Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm so sorry.  I think it's bizarre that they are just now bringing this up, 18 months into the process.  Why did they not have this discussion with you 16 months ago??
  • Wow Jess,

    I can't believe it! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Obviously, you know it's time to move on. I just don't get how they can approve your HS and then do this. I'm frustrated for you. I'm here if you need me. So sorry!!



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  • Wow, I cannot believe it. I am so sorry! I hate that after so much time you have to start over :(
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • I'm sorry....that really sucks.  Very weird!  I hope you guys find a place that treats you good.


    If you don't want to go the "agency" route.....try a birth facilitator. Thats what we are doing and it's been so pleasant and quick to get matches. She is really there for us.

    Good luck *hugs*

  • I'm really sorry.  I don't understand why they put you through all that.

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  • I'm sorry.  This agency has put you through so much, and what they are saying now doesn't even make sense.  *hugs*
  • Thank you ladies soooo much!! I got on my facebook and an old friend of our family told me that maybe I should just be happy with what we have (1 bio daughter) because some people have harder roads --- but that doesn't mean that what we've been through and what we've put into this doesn't hurt! Our daughter is completely different to the journey we are enduring for this baby. I don't put the 2 together if that makes since? We have such a wonderful miracle but our infertility came this time around ... now it's been 4 1/2 years trying and 18 months with a bad agency and how can we NOT be unhappy, sad, & angry over this? How can we put aside what we've lost financially & emotionally?

    Then I got on here and was nervous I might get that response at some point but you ladies blew me out of the water!!

    Thank you SO MUCH for understanding and being supportive. This is truly a great board : ). Love it!

    BTW we are still pursuing private adoption. We are now going to research some more agencies and we WILL make it out of this with a baby in our arms!!

  • Wow, they do not seem like they want to have families in the program at all.
  • Jess, I really do wish you the best as you move on.  Good luck!

  • Wow, so sorry.  Good for you for moving on.  I'm sure it's a difficult move after spending so much time with that agency.
  • Wow. I can't believe they put you through all that. It is crazy. I hope you find a much better agency with a much better attitude. 
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