oh, dh (vent, i suppose) (oh, and long)

AlyssonJean

first, i have no doubts that my hubby is super excited about this baby.  but, as excited as he is about the baby actually being here, it seems like he could give a rip about all the prep.  he doesn't want to order the nursery furniture (crib and changing table) yet, though we've picked out what we want.  he doesn't want to register yet, though people are already starting to ask us and our parents what we need/want.  he doesn't want to help empty out the closet or paint the dresser for the baby's room, though we already have boxes and boxes of baby clothes from friends that need a place to live.

but this is the big one, the grand daddy of all complaints i have about my darling: he poo-poos, or at least questions to death, every baby-related suggestion i come up with.  when to order the crib, what mattress to get, whether or not to put the doors back up on what will now be the nursery, what kind of bottles to get, do we really need a breast pump, on and on.  he's not read any of the baby books i've bought, not talked to any of the mom friends i've talked to, or done any other research.  but he sits there and questions everything i've been researching, reading about, talking about, basically mulling over for the past 24 weeks.  it's driving me batty as i sit here on another perfectly-good-for-registering saturday, and he's off working on some project far removed from the baby.  i'm worried i'm just going to blow up at him in a tear-filled, hormone-hindered, not entirely rational discussion shortly.

is there hope?  are there any other dh's out there that seem to have no enthusiasm for this part of the baby process only to get all giddy and excited once they are in the baby store?  or, should i just scrap it, and call a girlfriend to go register with, as at least that's some guaranteed fun? 

ToBeMcInerney

My DH is like this as well. He says he doesn't care about the bedding I put in the room but when I find something I like he has an opinion on it and it's yet to be a nice opinion.

Last night we were at dinner and he was kind of already in a crabby mood and made a comment about how although he is excited to have a family that it's really pointless to be that excited becaue she isn't here yet and he doesn't understand how I just read books about it all day and worry about all the details.  Well SOMEONE has to since it's not gunna be you my dear!

Don't worry I am in the same boat as you and it SUCKS.

KKWISC

I would just remind him that you could do it together now so he has help, but if he procrastinates then he will be doing it himself if your too big to help.

MrsBalletStar05

It's not real to him yet, AND he doesn't understand anything.  He sounds like a typical man. 

 

I would suggest registering yourself and doing what you can by yourself.  It will be more real to him when the baby actually arrives, however WE know that by then it will be too late to get some of it done, or it will be a huge hassle at the very least.

AlyssonJean

i'm so sorry you're in this boat, too, but i feel immensely better knowing it's not just my dh!  :-)

he keeps joking (at least i hope he's joking) that you don't really need anything for a baby...she could just sleep in a drawer for a few months.  this was mildly amusing the first time he made this joke at a dinner party, but now it's not funny one little bit, and just super frustrating.  i want to really deal with this stuff, and he just doesn't.  at all.  grrrrrr.

 

EDIT:  oops!  this was in response to "ToBe...".  :-) 

niccole_e

i'm sorry, for my first we had a hard time conceiving him so my husband was pretty hands on when it came to furniture and the u/s apts. The registering was not really a big deal for him and quite frankly a lot easier for me that way. I did the research and didn't need to deal with him and his questions.

With our second he hasn't been that hands on, he's excited but kind of has that been there done that attitude this time.

 

bancbev

Mine is similar.  He thinks there is all the time in the world to get ready.  Whenever I have dragged him along to look at baby stuff he questions everything (especially the price) and has a bad attitude.  His reposnse is either We don't need that or Get the cheapest one or God that is expensive.  So after our last trip to BRU to look at furniture I calmly said, I doesn't seem like you are really interested in being involved in any form in picking out supplies/furniture/gear.  Would it be better if I just picked all this stuff out and registered alone?  He got the most relieved look on his face and replied, God, YES!

I realized he could care less about bottles, breast pumps, diapers, swings, car seats, strollers, which crib, bedding, blah blah.  We need them so I just decide and let him know I have taken care of it.  For big ticket items like furniture I show him my two favorite options (with no prices) and ask which one he prefers.  If I choose the other one he doesn't care either.

The only thing he has really shown any interest in is her clothing.  He doesn't want her wearing anything gender neutral.  The girlier the better.

AKBride24

AlyssonJean:

i'm so sorry you're in this boat, too, but i feel immensely better knowing it's not just my dh!  :-)

he keeps joking (at least i hope he's joking) that you don't really need anything for a baby...she could just sleep in a drawer for a few months.  this was mildly amusing the first time he made this joke at a dinner party, but now it's not funny one little bit, and just super frustrating.  i want to really deal with this stuff, and he just doesn't.  at all.  grrrrrr.

 

EDIT:  oops!  this was in response to "ToBe...".  :-) 

Lol - your DH sounds just like mine! He makes jokes about all the baby things I tell him we need for this and that. It's really frustrating not to be taken seriously sometimes. But I really think it's just not real. I haven't talked to my DH about registering together yet. I'm pretty sure what would happen is we'd be in Target and I'd be scanning things and he'd be looking forlornly toward the eletronics area! I don't know - maybe he will surprise me. But it sounds like your DH is totally normal. When I hear about these husbands that are jumping at the chance to go register for baby I think maybe they come from a different planet! But yay for their wives!

squishles10

Mine was like this but has finally started to help out.  I think in their minds everything is pretty far away (it's easier to forget when you're not lugging that fetus around, I guess).  Now that we could have a baby home after a short hospital stay in the next 10 days, he's finally getting his sh*t together about picking everything and putting it away and fixing everything up.  I think it started about 2 weeks ago.  I still feel behind and he still thinks we're doing everything too early.  My advice is register for whatever you want.  If he doesn't like it, he can change it.  The odds are good he won't even notice though unless you point it out.  I'd try and get everything done by 30 weeks so you're not too big and tired and swollen, but if it doesn't happen, that's okay too.  If something gets missed, he's the one that's going to be running out at 2 am to get it, not you, so don't worry too much and make sure you have the basics.  Good luck!

haleybeth81

I'd call a girlfriend.  My DH would just nod and smile about baby stuff until it came to the price.  He would then start double guessing me (oh and he ate his words since we used everything I said we needed and then some).  I didn't really have any girlfriends to go register with so I had to drag DH along and he just acted like I was beating him the whole time.  He still hates going to the baby store but he does back down a bit with the second guessing since I take care of DD all day.  Oh and he's the best Dad in the world and loves DD to death just don't ask him to go shopping lol

BuckeyeBride200

That sucks. I was worried my DH would be the same way, but he has been really great. I am impressed with how calm you're being. I would have blown up at DH a long time ago, hormones or not!

 I would definitely go and register with a friend. And just do what you can without him. Sometimes, if I go ahead and start a project that DH knows I've asked for help with, he'll get the message and jump in. 

DH was no help in planning the wedding. But, after our wedding day, he realized how hard I'd worked on everything and was really grateful. Hopefully your DH will either get his butt in gear or at least be grateful for what you do and try to make it up for you after LO arrives. 

Good luck!!