My Mother (vent)

wmthorpe0815

      For some I know its not a big deal but me and my husband have been planning a day out on vday to celebrate and spend some time together before the baby is born. My mother was going to watch our son. She just sent me a text saying she is going to new orleans. We have had these plans for a month and now I probably wont get a chance to do anything with my husband before the new baby. We rarely make plans to be alone and I thought it was important for us to get this time together. Plus it would be good for my son to spend a whole day with his gma before she has to take care of him for a couple days while im in the hospital. Its so irritating cause she rarely spends time with him. Only when its convenient for her. So he sees her maybe once a month and we live 15 min away from each other.

     So now i am starting to second guess my choice of letting her take care of him while Im in the hospital. I could call and her not answer like she always does or her make plans that benefit her more. To be honest if I didnt have children I probably wouldnt talk to her. I do it for them so they can know their grandparents. Vent over I just needed to get it out instead letting my husband listen to it.

amander625

I don't know what to tell you but wanted to let you know I can totally relate!  I always thought my mom would be my kids' favorite grandparent (terrible I know) but in the past few years, she's changed a lot.  She used to do this to me all the time...say she'd babysit and then flake at the last minute.  Then on top of all that, she'd make me feel like the bad guy and say that DH and I do too much and are gone too much (which is soooooo not true).  I finally stopped asking her to watch DD and my IL's do it most of the time.  It's really frustrating....I'm sorry!!!!

wmthorpe0815

I really have gotten used to the disappointment when she does it to me. But I really am trying to protect my boys from going through the same heartache. she wonders why I am such a b***h. Well this is why cause I cant depend on you and its made me to where i cant depend on anyone.

almostabuck

I would be really frustrated too. MIL will be babysitting so we can have valentine's day and I would be really bummed if she canceled.

Keep your plans for letting her take care of your son while you are in the hospital, but have a backup in place.

amander625

Oh I know how it goes...I've been there!  It sucks!!  My DD hardly knows my mom...and it hurts her feelings but I'm just thinking...we live in the same town and you MAYBE see her once a month.  And that's only like a Target run here and there or a trip to the mall.  She never spends any time with her and never babysits her...and actually, since I stopped asking her, our relationship has gotten better.  Weird, I know! 

jescgrl

I'm so sorry that My Mother is over there causing you distress!

Really I could have written this! My mother is the same way. I told her that MIL will be keeping DS overnight the first night in the hospital then DH will come home with him the other nights. She was all "well you never include US in plans with him!" so not true I have asked her to come over, watch him, spend time with him and she's flaked SOOO many times that now I dont even bother. He gets to see her once a month IF that and we literally are 5 minutes down the road!

I don't have any advice, I'm sorry. I just found other people to rely on and fill that void, also we don't really go out of our way to include her. She gets a phone call here and there, invites to things but we don't hold our breathe.

blissfully_caffeinated

Do you have someone else who could watch your son when you go into labor? If so, I would start making arrangements with them now. Then when you go into labor (if you want to) give your mom a call and ask her to come watch ds. If she doesn't answer, forget her. Call whoever else you've made arrangements with. You don't want to be left in a bind if she backs out.