Opinions on Pain Management

JAKeefe

SO I am watching A Baby Story (because it is like my version of crack lately) of Baby Santiago. The father has said at least twice the he "doesn't believe in epidurals" wants a completely natural birth, wants no drugs at all, etc. I think that is great if that is a mom's desire, but I want to slap this guy in the mouth for being all preachy--mostly because when she finally begged for pain meds he immediately started talking about how "disappointed" he is.

My question is how much influence does your DH want to have regarding your choice of pain management? How much influence do you think he should be allowed to have? And, when it comes down to it, do you care?

*I will acknowledge that I am completely biased because 1. my DH is a pain management physician and 2. I don't think I'm nearly tough enough to go completely natural*

jknallen

I just watched that episide too and it was bugging me.  Like how about you feel it and then have someone say you shouldnt get one and im disappointed that you did. 

carney09

Yeah, that would be the day that my DH pulled any sht like that. 

 

He supports me in whatever decision I need to make regarding pain management when it comes to the birth of our child.  He trusts me to be informed and make a good decision for both me and our child.

BelhurstBride

I just watched the same one! If that guy was my husband he would have definitely required stitches somewhere.

My DH doesn't have an opinion on my pain management choices. He says that I'm the one giving birth, not him, and that he will support whatever it is that I feel I need to do. 

Madison789

My DH gets absolutely no say at all.  I'm doing Hypnobabies preparation, and planning for a hypnobirth.  He's skeptical, but has been completely supportive of my choice, and has learned all the cues, etc.

However, this is a different situation.  The LO is his child too, and he can certainly express an opinion that he prefers his LO to not be exposed to various drugs; there is some validity in that.

skmac05

My DH is "whatever you want." He doesn't pressure at all to go without. I can't stand that that man doesn't even know what she's going through and is disappointed?!?!

I read here on the Bump about a lady who had to have a c-section after laboring for a while. Her THEN DH said he didn't think she tried hard enough to deliver him naturally!

JKB1986

DH is worried about all the pain I will have to go through so he is all for whatever I need at the time.  I will be getting an epi but I think if I was trying to go natural and then gave in, at the time I wouldn't give a rip what DH thought but afterward I would be hurt if he was "disappointed" in me.  What a terrible thing to say the woman who is pushing out your baby!

adriennevla

He had no say at any point, and made it clear that it was my decision and mine alone, and is supporting my decision not to have any pain meds.  He is making sure nobody pushes them on me, also.

Mrs. Braxton

As much as I love him, if DH started with that crap I would kick him out of the delivery room.

newmommyin2010

My husband and I both want the epidural. I am keeping an open mind to the fact that sometimes it is too late for one. My husband supports me no matter what I decide.

strawbrrysmile05

Hi! I'm a lurker from 2nd tri since I'll be here with you this weekend. I wanted to chime in my 2 cents. This just came up in our house. DH doesn't want a C-Section or pain meds.

Here's what I told him: I do respect his wishes, and we are on the same page. However, unless he plans on shoving this kid out of him, he has no idea how it really feels...only what he sees me go though. If it gets awful, I want the door left open for pain meds. At the end of the day, this is his baby too, so I respect his wishes and if they differ (they don't on this, but about quad testing and such they did), so I will take it into consideration but he has to realize that, esp with L&D, I'm afraid of it enough as it is, so if I want drugs, I get drugs. End of story. He just laughed and said okay. I think he just didn't want me to plan for it right off the bat, and if I simply try without but give in, he'll be fine.

aegrimm

Madison789:

My DH gets absolutely no say at all.  I'm doing Hypnobabies preparation, and planning for a hypnobirth.  He's skeptical, but has been completely supportive of my choice, and has learned all the cues, etc.

However, this is a different situation.  The LO is his child too, and he can certainly express an opinion that he prefers his LO to not be exposed to various drugs; there is some validity in that.

Expressing concern is one thing. Telling your wife as she is going through the most painful and difficult experience of her life that you are "disappointed" in her is just being a douche.

If my husband had concerns I would listen to him (prior to delivery - not exactly the convo you want to have in between contractions!) and we would come to an agreement together after doing our research. However, he doesn't have any concerns. He knows I've done my research and trusts me to make the right decision for myself and our daughter.

Ira_K

 

 At our home we have a different type of argument. I am the one who wants to try medical free and  if pain is unbearable who has time to think .

 

 DH on other hand is always insisting about epidural he don't want me to try also .

 

 

Flowr4246

If anything, my DH is the opposite end of the spectrum from that father on TV.  I want to attempt a med-free birth and my DH keeps commenting about why I would want to try that when there are so many "scientifically proven" ways to keep me comfortable.

lpstl

H is very much on board with me trying to go med free. He's been extremely supportive and very encouraging. We've talked about what to do if I start screaming at him to knock me out during labor; I asked him to remind me why I wanted to go med free, and (if at all possible) for him and our doula to just get me through that contraction so I can make the decision with a clearer head.

If I do decide to get the epidural, there's no way in hell he'll ever say he's disappointed in me. If he was the type of person to think like that, I wouldn't have married him.

Tina562

I'm getting the epi it's my choice because I'm thee one pushing out this baby! If he was the one doing it than he would have his say. Haha other than that he has no say but he doesn't care about my choice cause he knows I'm a baby

blissfully_caffeinated

Hmm. Luckily, SO and I agree on this subject. I'm going in with the idea of having a natural birth but if I need pain medication to help me have a good experience then that's okay with me too. I have no doubt that I could go  natural. The question is, do I want to? I won't know until I'm there. SO is completely in support of my decision.

Now, if I told SO that I absolutely didn't want pain medication and not to let me have any even if I begged for it, I don't think he'd totally support that decision. He would accept me at my word during labor that I was sure I wanted the meds and he'd give them to me (which I'm okay with). I think the parents should talk about it but ultimately the father doesn't get a say in whether or not mom gets pain medication. Honestly, I associate it with getting kicked in the balls (every 1-3 minutes for multiple hours - possibly days). It's not his pain. Therefore, it's not his decision on how to manage that pain.

almostabuck

DH gets no influence. Well, maybe a little, but his influence would come from knowing me and my personality, not what he thought was best in general regarding pain management.

He is completely supportive of my choices during labor and frankly, if he wasn't, I would ask him to leave.

cajungirl0717

My DH already said it is my body going through the pain, so he is on board with whatever I need.

danandkelly

My dh doesn't really have an opinion on pain management.  He would prefer that I get an epi so that I am not in so much pain.  (I had one with DD).

Honestly I could not imagine being married to someone who would think that it was his decision to make, and to tell me he was "disappointed" would put me over the edge.